Find Me • •

[clark magdalene sheffield]

To do construction in the middle of semester could only mean one of two things; either the college was stupid, or the work was deemed urgent and without it a building would collapse. Of course, they could both be correct, but even Clark wasn’t that jaded about the world – at least not yet. She had gone over that same thought every day she had been forced to take the detour around the Science building and loop back on herself just to reach her classes. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world to take three more minutes when going to and coming from class, but if it was raining those three minutes felt like a hundred. She felt sorry for those who stayed in the dorms, who she suspected were stuck hearing construction noises until after dinner time. She’d have never managed to get any work done on campus with all of this going on. Even the library had a muffled impact and the staff there seemed more frustrated than anyone else Clark had met.

She did her studying late at night with headphones in. She stole twenty minutes on break to read a chapter of her textbook, but that was just preparation so that she didn’t have to be completely floored by the work when she got home. Clark knew why she had chosen something so far from her passion, but there were times when she wondered if something else may have been a little less headache inducing. She couldn’t particularly say she enjoyed her communications classes. They were dry, the time dragged on, and honestly, she had no drive to use it as a career. Any advisor on campus would suggest she changed majors before it was too late, but Clark’s heart was still shattered and the tape holding it together would not survive if she had the option to switch to music. She’d feel the stab in her gut, the ever-increasing ache of knowing she couldn’t put herself back out there in that world. Clark had been young and foolish once, and she refused to be so again.

She always walked alone to class. Clark was the type of girl who had acquaintances rather than friends. She was prone to mood swings, to being upset by what appeared to be the most insignificant of things. It didn’t help that a lot of people were fans of her ex now, while she was just hoping no one ever recognised her name when he was playing, or up in conversation. She may have torn down the poster someone put on the wall of the student bar advertising his upcoming show. Thankfully, no one saw her do it.

The only construction sounds were hammers and saws this afternoon. That was why she heard the gruff, angry voice from across the quad. “Use your fucking eyes, kid! There are detour signs everywhere! I spent three hours laying this and you just fucking barge on through it without a care in the world!” Clark’s eyes moved right and she instantly recognised who was being yelled at. Normally, she wouldn’t have intervened, but this time she jogged across the grass as the workman continued with his tirade. “I’m sick of you bratty kids thinking you’re so entitled to everything here. What? Just because daddy paid for a college education you think you’re better than everyone else? This city wouldn’t run without us!” Clark rolled her eyes, knowing exactly who she was about to deal with. She came to Liam’s side, touching his arm lightly so he knew someone was there. She just hoped he recognised her voice since it seemed he hadn’t been given a chance to say anything so far. Clark, however, knew how to be loud. “Yo! Cool it, asshat! He’s blind - and I'm thinking you might be, too! He can’t see that you’ve been working here. And considering you’ve finally lost the power tools today, it’s not surprising to think that it was all over out here. It’s all any of us “bratty, entitled” kids have heard for the last week. And we've no bloody clue what the hell you're even supposed to be doing.” Clark raised her eyebrows as though she was challenging the construction worker to carry on. He had blanched since realising he had been screaming at a blind student. “Now, I suggest you go and get yourself something to calm your ass down, maybe a nice herbal tea. And I will take my friend far away from such a rude, shitty ass environment. And I think you need to hope and pray to whatever you believe in that we don’t take this to student services.” She plastered on a false smile, one that was dripping with menacing sweetness. She looped her arm through Liam’s and gently guided him back across the grass. “So, where were you headed anyway? Place is like a damn maze right now.” Clark only knew a little about him, mostly his name, that he was a blind, and that he had a sister and a dog. She wasn’t in the habit of making friends, but that didn’t mean she was a total bitch. She just didn’t want people getting close enough to find out her story.

• • •

TAGGED! Liam Benjamin Argent
WORDS! 856!
LYRICS! Without You - - - Brighten
NOTES!

[Liam Benjamin Argent]

Liam had been warned about the construction from a professor the week before it had started because of his unique situation. The first day, his sister had walked with him to class so he could get a feel for how his routine would be changed for the time being. Some might have seen it as a bother, though perhaps he should have just stayed home that week or whatever else they thought but Liam was there to prove that he didn't need his eyesight to get an education. He hadn't had it for the longest time now and got around just fine going to "normal' schools. There were some exceptions made for him of course, like the computer and desk closest to the door were always marked for him and he was allowed to have someone with him who could type or make notes for him but he didn't need that help. He'd learned to type before he lost his sight so as long as the computer was set up to tell him what programs he was clicking on, he was good to go. For the first little while, no one except his professors had even known he couldn't see. His eyes didn't have the look to them that people born without their eyesight had, he wore sunglasses whenever he was outdoors because the sun did bother him but otherwise he was just as able to walk around like anyone else.

Slowly, however, people started to figure it out. Like when someone in one of the laps made a point of saying if no one else was allowed to have headphones, why was he? He'd needed them connected to the computer so he could hear what he was doing before class started and if he was required to change programs halfway through like they did from time to time. He wasn't ashamed of his lack of eyesight, he never denied it but he also didn't go around telling the world at large. It was a simple reason, too; he hated feeling the pity of the people around him. His professors treated him just the same as anyone else for the most part. So, Liam had told them he was blind and left it at that. After that, there were a few people in his class who offered to walk with him to different classes or places. And if they were also going the same way, he agreed to the company. He did not want anyone to be put out or feel like they need to help him because he did just fine on his own. He wasn't the first differently-abled person to attend the school and he wouldn't be the last either but he did appreciate the help all the same.

When he hadn't heard the usual noise of construction, Liam understandably thought they were all finished with whatever it was they were doing. No one had actually explained to him the exact nature of the construction, just that it was going on and that he would need to find an alternate route. If he'd known, he might have been able to guess how long exactly it would take and would have kept away from it longer. He'd only taken one step into the construction zone when someone started screaming at him, immediately raising his anxiety level. It took him a second to realise his mistake but by then the man was already invested in his lecture. Liam had learned that when people got going, it was always best to let them finish before he told them what was up. It also gave him the time to calm down again because it understandably freaked him out whenever someone started yelling at him. The touch on his arm told him that someone was there but he had no idea who. Still, it was always best when it could happen to have someone else around. When the person finally spoke, it took Liam a second to recognise it as the woman whose hair he'd inadvertently sat on. He felt bad of course but after everything had been cleared up, it had settled and they'd talked for a bit; long enough for him to recognise her voice the next time they spoke. He didn't think it would be under such dramatic circumstances though.

Liam plastered a polite smile on his face when Clark finished her rant and saluted the general direction of the man's voice that had been yelling at him in as sarcastic a way as possible. It was times like this that he truly wished he could see the reaction of people learning he was blind. He imagined their faces just drained of colour and turned a sickly shade as they stepped away from him as they could potentially catch blindness if they stood too close. "I was going to grab a coffee before computer science but I think I'll forgo the side trip today." He said with a shake of his head. "Thanks, by the way, for the save. I appreciate the rescue." He admitted freely. It had been quite obvious halfway through that guy's rant that he wouldn't have given Liam the time to explain himself and Liam wouldn't have offered up the information after that. He would have just shrugged and walked away as nothing happened. Something would have been done but it would have been after he'd gone to get coffee or when he finally settled into his seat and his professor asked how he was doing. He seemed to be a kind man, who'd offered up a small detail of his own experiences with the visually impaired so Liam felt like he could approach him about other things, outside of his classroom. Most of his teachers were pretty willing to help the blind kid but not all of them. Some only offered up what was required of them and left him to deal with the rest. Thankfully he was a smart guy and had lived with people like that long enough now. "I felt something," He paused to come up with the right word. "Squish under my feet. Did I walk in cement or something?" He asked, worried because he was positive he was wearing the new shoes his sister bought him and she would not be pleased.

♦ ♦ ♦

TAG; clark magdalene sheffield
WORDS; 1 052
LYRICS; Road Less Travelled --Lauren Alaina
NOTES; <3

[clark magdalene sheffield]

Clark typically kept herself to herself these days. She was the girl with the near permanent scowl, the girl who handed in assignments that had clearly been half-assed. Clark didn’t care about graduating at the top of her class, or what came next. She was going through the motions to keep her mother quiet and to have something to maybe build a life on. It would never be her dream, and Clark would likely never care enough to excel in that area, but it was a safety net she was more than happy to lay in. She didn’t want her fragile heart to be broken again, and especially not so publicly. She didn’t need to be painted as the bad guy anymore, and she was thankful that the world of celebrities quickly moved on to the next dramatic thing; it meant she wasn’t dredged up at any point and featured on one of those “what ever happened to” segments in painful gossip shows. Clark was relieved that she had still only had one foot in that world. She had been more than ready to dive headfirst into it, but the car crash that quickly happened would have seen her more than heartbroken and jaded about her own dreams.

She had kept telling herself that dreams weren’t always supposed to come true. And now the only place Clark sang was in the shower, or occasionally when she was in the kitchen and not quite aware of it. Public shows, Open Mics, and everything in between were not for her – not anymore. She often felt guilty for wallowing in her own misery when there were so many things she ought to be grateful for. Her mother told her as much during pretty much every phone call they shared. It was one thing to say it, but it was entirely another to be consciously able to do it. Clark felt a wave of jealousy every time she heard her ex on the radio, or saw a gang of girls singing along to some song in a bar. Music was all around her, which made it hard to forget or ignore what she had been through. So she scowled a lot, snapped at would-be friends, and did her best to keep to herself since that was one of the only ways people wouldn’t ask her questions.

Clark wasn’t usually one to go out of her way to make friends. She had a handful of people she would consider acquaintances at college, but no one she trusted completely; no one she felt like she could confide in about her past or her fears. Normally she wouldn’t go out of her way to help anyone, but she assumed it was because Liam was blind that she felt less guarded. She didn’t pity him for his handicap, but she felt like it was easier to be around him; she could avoid him pretty easy if she wanted to, she supposed. That thought made what she said next easy to say. “We can swing by Java Stop if you want?” She suggested, guiding him around the path crossing the quad. She stopped, looking down at Liam’s feet. “Lift up a foot.” She instructed, not seeing a hint of cement around the edges. Clark laughed, shaking her head and gently pressing against his knee to let him know he could put it down again. “I think you stepped in their lunch – half a dozen crème filled doughnuts are now caked into your shoes.” It was only funny because it felt kind of karmic after the way the construction worker had hollered at Liam. “You need to clean these up? I have face wipes in my bag somewhere.”

• • •

TAGGED! Liam Benjamin Argent
WORDS! 661!
LYRICS! Without You - - - Brighten
NOTES!

[Liam Benjamin Argent]

Liam didn't put a lot of thought or time into thinking about what people thought of him; especially those who yelled at him without realising he was actually unable to see whatever it is they were talking about. Once upon a time, he would have cared, he would have yelled back and lashed out but he'd grown up quite a bit since his accident. He knew better than he did before that because his irises weren't the pale blue seen on TV shows about blind people, but had clear irises, people just assumed he could see what they saw. Depending on his mood that day, he responded to things differently but almost never explained that he was blind and couldn't see whatever it is they're pissed at him for missing or messing up. When it was important pictures or shots or when no one told him filming was going on, he apologised and explained because he felt genuinely bad. Most of the time, people helped him to get where he was going through the closed or blocked set or space, telling him stories of what's going on that he's missing and once or twice, the offer to check out a film premiere, which he politely turned down. He might have come to terms with being blind but he wasn't interested in being anyone's charitable good deed for the day.

He would have considered it if he'd been with someone and they wanted the tickets but if he'd been with someone, he wouldn't have gotten into the mess in the first place so it was a moot point. Clark had saved him from getting screamed at any more and he very much appreciated that. He didn't want to think about what would have happened if he'd started to walk away and the fool yelling at him trying to grab at him. Liam was extremely lucky to have avoided that experience since he'd been blinded. The mere thought of a stranger yelling at him doing that freaked him out a lot more than he really wanted to admit; at least, until he happened to him. "If you don't mind. I definitely owe you a coffee for your help at least." He offered it because it was true. Clark had saved him from having to explain himself and all the accompanying pity that usually followed when he was alone. It drove him crazy but he knew it was something that couldn't be helped, it was just how people worked.

Liam kicked back his foot, happy someone was around to check for him. It hadn't felt any heavier but he could never be certain and would have hated to wait until someone pointed it out or he got home and someone there asked him what happened. Liam didn't generally think people were laughing at him when things happened, for the most part, people were good so when Clark started laughing, he immediately thought that something funny must have happened. He joined in, laughing with her when she finally told him what he'd stepped in and felt the relief of not having to explain to his sister that he'd ruined a pair of shoes. "I guess Karma struck a little sooner than expected." He said with a grin. Liam didn't put much thought into the people that yelled at him. He didn't need to exhaust the energy when they usually started feeling bad and guilty for yelling at the blind kid almost as soon as they find out he can't actually see what they're talking about. He'd become quite proficient in getting around without people. It was a hell of a lot easier back home but New York was alright. As long as he had his cane or his service dog, Charlie, he could get around the large city without too many issues and especially his neighbourhood with ease. In fact, he could walk around without his cane or Charlie and still manage to do all that he needed, though he usually kept both quite nearby. At least the owners of the local shops knew him well now and helped him out whenever he popped in to do his own shopping. It was rare but he did occasionally do it.

♦ ♦ ♦

TAG; clark magdalene sheffield
WORDS; 705
LYRICS; Road Less Travelled --Lauren Alaina
NOTES; <3

[clark magdalene sheffield]

Clark didn’t stand out. There was a time when she would have liked to, and even now she could have done if she dressed in something other than the jeans and the plain t-shirts or hoodies, but she enjoyed being unseen. She had done her fifteen minutes and given how she had been the sacrificial lamb for someone else’s success, she didn’t particularly want to fight her way back into the limelight again. If no one knew her name for the rest of her days then she would tell herself every morning that she was okay with that. It was a lie, the biggest one she could probably tell herself, but it was a self-preservation thing, and the best kind of shield Clark could manifest. If no one knew her then no one could hurt her. No one could take her shattered heart and rip it apart again. No one could make her pain that little bit worse by dredging up all that she had been through and forcing her to relive it again for their own sick and twisted pleasure. Clark had spent one too many late nights searching herself, just to see if she had been entirely forgotten about yet. Alas, there were still a few fans of her ex who thought she was a gold digging harpy and who were just desperately waiting for her to show up on the arm of some other climbing rock star so they could call her again and claim that they were right all along about her.

Clark knew it was all bullshit, and she knew she shouldn’t let it get to her, but it did. It wasn’t so easy to shrug it off. Her dreams had been shattered along with her heart and she had been just a kid who was still naïve enough to think happy endings were real. Nothing had prepared her for the lies, for the world to come crashing down around her broken dreams and the crumbled remains of what she had thought would be her future. And no one had given a damn afterwards either. Her mother had simply told her it was time to be more realistic and sent Clark on her not-so-merry way to college where she was probably the unhappiest person on her course, but who also didn’t care for the careers advice that had been offered to her, or the suggestion that she change majors. The subject that would make her happy was the one she didn’t give a moment’s attention to any more, out of the fear it would crush her. “Caramel macchiato and I guess we’re even then.” She joked, not caring in the least that she was going to miss a lecture for this detour. Clark was not the most devout student, and she could really care less about her Communications Degree.

She chuckled, walking at a slow but steady pace, arm still looped through Liam’s. Clark didn’t know much about blindness, or how people generally coped living day to day with it. She knew the basics, like canes and guide dogs, but prying seemed a little too much when Liam was still a stranger to her. Plus, she didn’t like asking people questions when she hated having them asked in return for the most part – at least when they were personal. She’d rather him tell her she was doing something he didn’t like, or correct her if she was moving too quickly or coming across as condescending. She remembered some old saying from her father; “better to beg forgiveness than ask permission”. Clark wasn’t completely sure it was the best advice in life, but there were times when it resonated with her and her surly attitude. People asked fewer questions with one path and that was the one she preferred. “Ah, perfect. We missed the queues. Place is almost empty.” The campus run coffee shop was usually chaos, but there were often fifteen minute spells scattered throughout the day when it wasn’t busy at all, and as luck continued to be on their side, they found themselves inside one of those brief moments of time as they approached the small coffee shop.

• • •

TAGGED! Liam Benjamin Argent
WORDS! 699!
LYRICS! Without You - - - Brighten
NOTES!

[Liam Benjamin Argent]

Liam had worked hard after the accident to become as close to the kid as he’d been before it. He didn’t have the use of his eyes, but he did have everything else and while it took a really long time to get to the point where he could walk around the island he’d grown up on without assistance from his family. It got to the point that he could even go to the store for snack foods or grab milkshakes with friends. He never carried cash anymore because he couldn’t trust that people would be honourable. He didn’t have that worry back on the island but in New York, he was less trusting of strangers. Clark was the exception to that rule though. He did trust her. Their friendship or whatever it was had started on rocky terms but really no more so than any other friendship he’d started up with his classmates. People often felt awkward after finding out that he was blind. He didn’t always wear the sunglasses and his eyes didn’t have that glassy white sheen to them that TV showed. They were the same bright blue they’d been before he’d gotten into the car accident and they would remain that way until he died, hopefully of old age and not stupidity.

“A simple caramel macchiato is definitely not the equivalent to getting me out of a bad situation.” Liam pointed out. She went out of her way to help him out of a situation that he would have honestly, let happen. It’s always too much to inform people of their mistakes and then hear the apologies and the pity and the utter bullshit of it all so she saved him from having to listen to that, too. “I owe you a muffin or cookie at the very least as well.” He joked with a grin. It might have seemed more complicated, but life was pretty simple for Liam. Things were orderly because he needed them to be, but he woke up every morning knowing where his things were around his room, knowing that his sister had picked out something for him to wear that didn’t clash and knew that his debit card was in the right side of his wallet in the bottom card slot because that’s where he needed it to be. He knew that while others stressed about picking out something to wear on a daily basis, he didn’t because his clothes were all coordinated just in case Poppy had something going on and forgot to pick something out and the rest of their roommates were unavailable. He was able to pick out his own clothes for the day though he didn’t worry about what they looked like. He didn’t need to worry about what shoes he put on because his sister kept his wardrobe stocked with various colours and styles of Converse, pretty much the only colour in his wardrobe. And aside from the necklace that he never took off, he didn’t worry about jewellery.

His life was quite simple, as long as you overlooked the fact that he couldn’t actually see anything and had his guide dog, Charlie, with him almost everywhere he went. He didn’t date, at all, because he felt like it was unfair to the women he might have tried to woo. He couldn’t compliment them on their looks or the effort they put into a moment. He couldn’t put the same effort into a date as a visually abled man would be able to. If he did go on a date, he couldn’t really plan it beyond picking a place and even then, it would be because he went there a lot with his friends and knew what was on the menu. It was a lot, and he knew from just the outbursts from his roommate’s dates that it was taxing having to put things in exactly as they’d found them. There had been a few cases, usually in the bathroom when he’d reach for the toothpaste, but it wasn’t there and instead found himself with hand lotion or a tube of disinfectant cream because someone who didn’t know, or forgot, or just didn’t give a fuck hadn’t put the tube of toothpaste back where they’d found it. He wished so often that he wasn’t such a burden and apologised after things like that happened. They always reassured him that it wasn’t his fault, but he still felt as if he were to blame. So he didn’t date because it was hardly fair to his roommates and they’d known him well before the accident, he couldn’t do that to someone who didn’t really understand what they were getting themselves into.

Liam smirked, pleased they’d missed the bustle. He always ordered the same thing so whenever he walked in and someone, he knew saw him, his order was usually ready by the time he reached the front of the line when it was busy. When it wasn’t, he took the time to talk to the baristas behind the counter about the insanity they saw every day. He might not be able to witness it himself, but he did enjoy hearing about the calamities that took place. He wasn’t sure if the whole group that worked there knew he was blind but there was at least two, maybe three, that were aware of it because of a situation that happened one afternoon. He was used to things happening around him and being visually unaware of it. He could hear things happening and try to get out of the way but that day, he hadn’t had the chance and ended up with someone else’s hot coffee all over his shirtfront. No harm, no foul but it had led to a whole yelling match about him being a blind idiot and how stupid he was and all sorts of bullshit that he was also, all too used to hearing shouted at him. Finally, once the man yelling had apparently calmed down, he’d said he was many things but that he’d only gotten one of them right, he was blind and couldn’t see what was happening. Gasps and shock and help all descended at once and instead of allowing any of that to bother him, he’d called his sister and asked her to meet him there with a fresh change of clothes. After that, he’d kept some in his backpack, just in case. It was the little things. “Hey, Kensi. Can I get my usual and a caramel macchiato for my friend, here, please?” He asked the barista, recognising her voice immediately. He turned to Clark next. “Anything else?” He asked her while he reached for his wallet in his pocket.

♦ ♦ ♦

TAG; clark magdalene sheffield
WORDS; 1 119
LYRICS; Road Less Travelled --Lauren Alaina
NOTES; <3

[clark magdalene sheffield]

Clark wasn’t exactly know for being the friendliest girl on campus. She loathed having to give out her contact information, had proven countless times that she didn’t have any of the popular “how can you live without it?” social media accounts, and had begged and pleaded her case against group projects in class. She wasn’t a socialiser, or the girl who ran around after break greeting everyone again. If Clark could get away with not opening her mouth at all while she was on campus then she considered it a good day. Her friendship with Liam was…surprising, even to her. She didn’t want to say it was because he was blind, because he couldn’t see her glaring at someone, or frowning if she looked at the unanswered messages on her phone. However, she did like that with him he couldn’t pry into her facial expressions and try to read her like a book when so many other people acted like she was some puzzle that needed to be solved. A boy in her class had spent six weeks thinking that was how to flirt with her. She had broken three of his fingers in a fire door at the end of it and that had finally put him off his chase of her, convincing him that she wasn’t some rare, precious trophy that he needed to win after all.

“Well, I never go for balancing the books. Doesn’t seem to work that way for me.” She said with a dry laugh, not wanting to give away too much of what she kept close to her chest. Clark didn’t talk about herself, and she didn’t particularly enjoy letting people get close to her. She had stepped up to help Liam because watching him stand there had left Clark feeling like she had been watching herself; or at least a former version of herself who had been unable to do anything against the angry, screaming messages that had flooded the internet when her name had been dragged through the rumour mills and come out the other side ripped to shreds. “But twist my arm and I’ll have a cookie.” If it made him feel better about it, then Clark would relent slightly. She didn’t know how it was for him, and while curious, she wasn’t going to ask in case it made him uncomfortable. As someone who was fiercely proud she wouldn’t have wanted to be put on the spot like that, to have to admit to a weakness even if it was an obvious one.

There was still a part of Clark that kept telling her to run away right now. A part that said she ought to just say goodbye to Liam and be on her way. She didn’t make friends, she didn’t do small talk, and she didn’t grab coffee with other students. Skipping class wasn’t uncommon at all for her, but she did it alone, without anyone coaxing or accompanying her. It shouldn’t matter that Liam surprised her by not bothering her the way pretty much everyone else did. Clark had built her walls for a reason. She had made her choices to stay distant so that others wouldn’t hurt her in the same way she had been hurt before. And yet, her arm was still looped through his and she sighed as she cast her eyes over the options at the counter. “I miss home comforts.” She mused, distracting her racing thoughts with something else entirely. There were days when she would give anything for a decent pack of crisps, for a brand she was familiar with that didn’t taste strangely different from the UK version of that brand. Clark, more than anything, missed a lot of her favourite snacks, the tastes were different in America to England and at the end of a long day it was the worst thing to bite into a chocolate bar only to find it wasn’t quite as sweet, or to think she had something that would be at least familiar to what she craved and end up with it tasting almost opposite to that. “I think I’ll be fine.” She said finally, feeling herself shrinking away from him, that wall adding another layer of bricks to the top just when it was starting to come down.

• • •

TAGGED! Liam Benjamin Argent
WORDS! 724!
LYRICS! Without You - - - Brighten
NOTES!