I Don't Want Forever • •

[Zoe Diana Tylers]

Meeting the expectations of other’s had been a defining part of Zoe’s entire existence. Growing up in a place where everyone knew everyone, it was inevitable that people would constantly have their nose stuck into business it didn’t belong in, and that created a lot of pressure that became a large part of shaping who Dr. Tylers was. She had thrust herself into the spotlight further by striving to break the traditional mold so many from her town fell into, and that placed additional pressure on her to be successful beyond anything expected of her peers or even her siblings. Becoming a vet meant she needed to be smarter and work twice as hard to continue pursuing her education; she spent her free time studying or volunteering with the town’s vet who was always thankful to have an apprentice trotting along for appointments, especially when it was clear that Zoe had a knack for healing horses. She was always trying to live up to those expectations and do what others wanted her to do, no matter how thin that stretched her.

Coming back to New York was something no one had expected, not even Zoe, until the opportunity had fallen into her lap. Then again, running hadn’t exactly been a part of the original plan either, which was just another indication of the chaotic year she had been living through. She knew that coming back meant she would undoubtedly see Romeo; fate had a cruel way of pushing people back together whether they wanted it or not. There hadn’t been a thought of pursuing him again until she had seen him in that coffee shop and felt her heart beating out of her chest, trying to reach him. No one else could make her feel like that; no one else would ever have her heart as completely as this stubborn man did, even if he didn’t reciprocate the sentiment.

"For as long as I’ve known you, I’ve forgiven you more times and for more things than I can count, Romeo,” she said, trying to keep the defeat out of her voice. "I know it was never for anything as major as what I did, but I still did it every time without question because I love you. Each time you tried to push me out of your life because you were afraid I couldn’t handle it, I forgave you and fought harder. I fought again and again to break through your walls, and you learned to let me in because you love me, too, and you know it.” Zoe didn’t step closer to him, allowing him to have his space while she crossed her arms over her chest in an effort to quell the rising storm of emotions brewing there.

"Why the hell do you think I came back here if it wasn’t for you?” she replied to his question. There were few things that could tie her to a life in the city; very, very few things. And each and every one of them related back to the man standing in front of her, trying to crush what little heart she had left. "Every day I’ve spent outside this city, outside of being with you, I’ve dreamt of going back to that moment and making a different choice. There were a million other things I could have said or done to explain it to you then so we wouldn’t be in this fight, but my stubborn head had made a decision that I didn’t know how to undo or how to explain. I felt like I was drowning.”

She knew he had always been there to support her. Through the late night study sessions, through her tears about finishing work for her doctorate; he had seen so much of it and been her shoulder to cry on through it all. They had never talked about what that transition would look like when they were both moving into their new roles, her as a full time professional and him as a student. What would that look like if they had kids? How would their lives continue to change, again and again, with both of them trying to chase their dreams while starting a family? Zoe wanted that with him; she wanted everything she had given up by breaking off their engagement. She was just terrified of who should would become if she gave up every part of her identity to be his wife. "I know you did, and I did my best to do the same for you. But we never talked about what that would look like in a few years; what if we had kids? Who would we become trying to chase both of our dreams and raise a family together while keeping our lives from crumbling to pieces? I didn’t want to make you unhappy; I didn’t want you to regret marrying someone who wanted to be more than a stay at home mom. How did I say that to you without making it seem like I didn’t want to marry you at all, when I just wanted you to be happy with someone as dull as me for a wife.”

"I’ve fought for you before, Romeo, and I’ll keep doing it,” she stated, holding up her hands in defeat as he mentioned launching himself out the window. "You let me go once and chased after me to a whole different part of the country; chasing after you in New York is the least I can do to show you that I’m sorry and I’m back to stay.”

• • •

TAG: romeo jackson jervis
WORDS: 938!
LOCATION: Her Office, NYU
LYRICS: Let’s Hurt Tonight by OneRepublic
NOTES: <3 <3 <3

[romeo jackson jervis]

Being raised in the city meant that Romeo was used to being invisible. He didn’t actually mind it. Ignoring strangers was a typical trait of those who lived in built-up areas where helping one person often meant you were inclined to help others. It was also how people ended up being the one in trouble, rather than the one helping. It was easier to shoulder the problems alone, to put on the façade that everything was fine. He had done it for as long as he could remember, smoking a little heavier when things got too much. Maybe one day his lungs would punish him for it, but Romeo thought everyone was allowed at least one vice; smoking just happened to be his. There were worse things that a guy like him could have turned to, but he’d never been tempted by them, and that was something he was proud of. He’d seen better people fall from higher places for less than he had been through. Romeo might not have much in this world, but he had his strength. Plus, Ellie. She had kept him grounded through most of what had gone on. She had been his reason to stay somewhat sane. And now she was all grown up and apparently thought it was her turn to carry her brother, rather than it usually being the other way around.

Zoe was speaking, but her words weren’t hitting Romeo anymore. He didn’t care. Words didn’t change anything between them. This apology was something he could have done with a long time ago, before every part of him had frozen over, numb to everything else that life could offer. He was only understanding a few words that she spoke, the rest simply being muffled background noise behind the headache that was tightening at his temples. He needed to get outside, and then he needed a cigarette. No doubt Ellie would be around somewhere waiting to talk to him about what had happened. She was still as pissed as she must have been when she had been in this office, and Romeo wasn’t sure he could handle another Jervis temper right now. His own was bad enough, but Ellie seemed to have his and then a bottle of teenage angst piled on top of it. “Yeah, well while you grabbed onto the life ring, you left me out at sea.” He grumbled, barely focused on this conversation now. In his mind it was going in circles and he couldn’t smoke in here to help. No doubt Zoe would rip up his cigarette if he tried.

He scoffed, chuckling darkly to himself. “Fuck, did you ever even know me?” At this point, Romeo was certain she never did. He had never wanted the stay at home wife, the white picket fences and 2.4 kids. He had wanted an adventure, a wild ride that wouldn’t always be easy or enjoyable, but that they could celebrate in the years to come. He thought his life when they had met was clear enough on that. Romeo wasn’t the guy who chased the American Dream. He was only in New York because his family had moved there before he was old enough to decide for himself. And he had stayed because Ellie needed him, and he wasn’t about to abandon their mother in case she took a turn for the worst. He didn’t want to disguise his life with rose bushes and nice cars. He wanted the gritty and the mistakes, and the memories of all of that. In his mind, he had made all of that quite clear long before he had put an engagement ring on Zoe’s finger.

He waved her off, grabbing the door handle and marching out of the office. The door hadn’t even closed before he was reaching into his pocket for his pack of cigarettes.

• • •

TAGGED! Zoe Diana Tylers
WORDS! 647!
LYRICS! Almost Forgot - - - Against The Current
NOTES! <3 <3 <3