Answers You Know • •

[darien gregory banks]

Darien ought to be in the large office building of his father’s. He knew there was an inbox full of e-mails to be sorted through, spreadsheets to be analysed and reports to be filed off before the end of the week. He couldn’t stand to be inside those walls for a minute longer though. None of that life was him. It really wasn’t. He played the part and did the job purely because he had to. He needed to help his dad. He had made a promise to his mother a long time ago, and a vow between the Maori was sacred. He had learnt the value of trust and words when he had spent a few years back with the tribe he had come from after high school. Darien had spent the first six years of his life with the Te Arawa tribe – his tribe – but then he had been thrown into life without his mother, and with his grieving father. The man had been lost to his grief, and then forced to take over his own father’s company. It proved as a distraction, but Warner Banks buried himself as deeply as he had buried his own love. All Darien wanted was to make him see the light again, to remind him of the world that was out there, and that he had shared with his mother back when Darien was still small enough to be hoisted up on his shoulders.

It seemed like an impossible task now. He had been trying for years, but all he had managed was to land himself with more responsibilities at the company. It was not what Darien wanted. He liked being outdoors, travelling New Zealand, adding to his collection of ink…all things his father didn’t even know he enjoyed. Hell, his extensive tattoo collection was hidden under stiff collars and long sleeves whenever he was at the office, and Darien hated it. He couldn’t be himself, and he passed out more times that he’d cared to admit at his computer or on the couch in his office there. All while balancing his Accountancy classes alongside the hours he put in there. It was unhealthy and not where he wanted to be in ten years. He didn’t want his father to be as miserable as he was now, either. He knew he wasn’t happy. Work was just a stopper; the cork plugging the hole where his pain was.

This afternoon, he wandered Central Park. His boots scuffed up the pebbles he trod on. Part of him felt guilty for ignoring the work he knew he would be scolded for leaving, but he needed this. He needed the fresh air, the sunlight on his skin. He needed to hear the birds, the people…god, how did he spend so long cooped up in that office? Things needed to change, but he had been saying that for years. He was starting to think that the furrow was permanent in his brow now. Leaning against the railing, he sighed, his hair falling into his face. Maybe it was time to check on the New Zealand office once school was out for the summer. Visit his mother’s tribe and reconnect with the life he wanted once more before it slipped completely. A soccer ball rolled to a stop just to the left of him, and Darien blinked at it before turning to see where it came from. He spotted the group of teenage boys easily enough, and swiftly kicked the ball back to them, curving it through the air with precision. They hollered their thanks, and Darien silently turned back to look over the water. If only all problems could be solved with a swift kick.

• • •

TAGGED! Windsor Iliana Mercy
WORDS! 618!
OUTFIT! Melancholic Man!
LYRICS! Bigger Than Love - - - My Favorite Highway
NOTES! <3

[Windsor Iliana Mercy]

Winnie loved having a day off when she could get out in the city and do whatever she wanted. She didn't like being stuck in her apartment when the weather was so nice. She didn't mind so much if she was at work, Teaposium was a quirky place with equally eccentric people as Winnie so it was usually a lot of fun. Sure, like anywhere, there were times when she would have rather been anywhere else but there was a cute little patio and whenever those moods struck her, she traded off with whoever was supposed to cover the patio. Being outside gave Winnie energy, she always felt revitalised after sitting outside even for a couple minutes. Being indoors drained her in an odd sort of way. She wouldn't go back inside now until she absolutely had to, which would be soon enough since she had a couple chores to do around her apartment before she fell into her bed.

Everything about the city was so different from what Winnie was used to that it had been difficult to really cope when she'd first moved there. She'd only gone up the coast but it was like night and day compared to Miami. Whenever she was feeling a little blah, she could grab her surfboard and head out into the water or even just sit on the beach outside the house she grew up in. It was always so easy to get some space, some air. New York was more smog than air and it was hard to find a space that was congested or sounded like the city. Central Park was as close as she got within city limits to what she was wanted and even that still had the sounds of the city bustling around her. Maybe she was spoilt having grown up in a quieter neighbourhood and being able to stay at home during the four years she spent in university there.

Whatever it was, Windsor spent as much time as she could in the park, taking it all in, enjoying the sunshine on her face, the breeze rustling her hair. It was nice. Today, she missed the water, being able to dip her toe in, diving headfirst into the waves to get further away from shore on her surfboard. She grabbed a coffee from a cart, as she always did, and headed to what they considered a lake or something and sat at the railing with just her feet over the edge. It was as close as she could get and though she wished she could be closer, it would do. Her headphones were on her head but she didn’t have any music playing. She mostly used them so people wouldn't talk to her. She wanted to be alone more often than not and preferred when she was out like today, to be undisturbed. She did have music but she used that for when she was walking through the streets so she heard the kids hollering for their ball and turned in time to see the man kick it back to him. She didn't realise it until the sound was trailing off that she'd whistled at the impressive move. She'd played all sorts as a child but she'd never really been able to kick the ball where she'd wanted it exactly like that. "Nice." She said softly, or loudly, she wasn't entirely sure. Either way she'd felt her vocal chords moving so she knew it was at least out loud.

♦ ♦ ♦

Tag || darien gregory banks
Words || 583
Clothes || Sunday Slacker
Music || No Such Thing as a Broken Heart --Old Dominion
Notes || <3

[darien gregory banks]

If Darien closed his eyes he could sometimes pretend he was back amongst the red rocks and sand of New Zealand where he truly felt like his spirit belonged. It never lasted long though. There was always a siren, alarm or horn to break his meditation and remind him that he was in New York City. It was the complete opposite to the lands the tribe came from. Still, sometimes, in the middle of the chaos, just being able to imagine the sun on his skin, or the sweet smell of native food cooking over an open fire pit brought calm to a normally stressed Darien. If there was some way to bottle up that tranquillity and drink it at every necessary moment, he would have crates and crates of it, and never leave home without it. It was his reminded that there was more to the world that the computer that burnt his eyes eventually, leaving them bloodshot and dry by the time he finally shut down the system and called it a night.

It wasn’t as simple as walking away from it all though. His father needed him, and Darien couldn’t leave him to be consumed by his grief. He wasn’t even sure if the older man knew how he had spiralled over the years, but it hurt Darien to see just how much his mother’s death had changed his father. He knew she had changed the man for the better, but he had no idea that losing her would have such a devastating impact. It also wasn’t as simple as telling his dad he was lost in the abyss of grief either. There was a genetic disposition to Darien’s stubbornness, and it came from the man who shared many of his features. His spirit might have been as free as his late mother’s, but his appearance was very much his father’s. Plus, if it was so simple he could have started fixing things a long time ago. Instead it was a slow battle, and Darien was becoming rather like the man he was trying to save.

His thumb pushed against the crease in his brow – the one he was worried would become a permanent line in his skin before he turned twenty-five the following summer. He rubbed it as though he could iron it out, and then twisted his torso at the whistle and follow up compliment. At least he thought it was a compliment. These days the lines between sarcasm and sincerity were so blurred he never quite knew which way was up. He blamed himself for that since he knew he too had a habit of turning acidic when he was angry at everything around him. Darien managed a non-committal shrug, maintaining a blank expression on his cold face. “Everyone has a childhood hobby that proves useful sooner or later.” He said, his voice void of emotion as he leaned over the water and peered out at nothing. His eyes simply fixed on a spot in the distance and allowed the surrounding park to morph into a blur of colour. He was not a man for small talk, but he was also not the type to walk away when he wanted to enjoy a moment. He needed this peace.

• • •

TAGGED! Windsor Iliana Mercy
WORDS! 546!
OUTFIT! Melancholic Man!
LYRICS! Bigger Than Love - - - My Favorite Highway
NOTES! <3

[Windsor Iliana Mercy]

When Winnie was a small child, she had never imagined that her life's path would lead her to New York. Once upon a time, she honestly thought she would stick around Miami for the better part of her life. Go away to school, experience life out from under her brother's idiotic thumb but would move back again a better person than she'd left. She would never have been able to know that she'd been destined for greater things in a brighter city; if that were even possible. It might have been a little colder than she was used to but it was still something that belonged just to her; her brother hadn't tainted it yet because he was a prejudiced idiot when it came to New York. The truth in Winnie's eyes about her brother, he liked the cheap and tackiness of Miami while Winnie enjoyed the more refined tastes and styles of the big apple. The city she was calling home would be her city for the very foreseeable future. It was now home.

It was more home for the young brunette than Miami had ever been so she wasn't exactly upset to be so far from where she'd been raised. Winnie made friends fairly easily, having one of those personalities that people just seemed to be attracted to, like moths to a flame. She loved to have a good time, go out and have a few drinks, spend a few hours dancing then find herself with a pizza on her couch, ready for bed. She didn't have a bad thing to say about anyone; her brother excluded. Winnie was lucky, her parents were quite proud of her and didn't try to stop her when she'd come clean and told them she was going to continue in school and this time take something she had her heart set on. They were both doctors, busy but had always made time to show their love and pride in their children. Despite their difficult schedules, they tried very hard to be at every major event in their children's lives. They'd both been to all her graduations, and her brothers and she knew when she graduated from the Architecture programme, they would be there, too. They were already planning on visiting her over the summer. She'd landed a very entry-level internship for the summer at a firm. She was basically going to be shadowing someone and probably acting as their assistant for two months but it was experience and she couldn't wait.

"My favourite pastime was showing up my brother at every single turn. It was fun but not at all useful." She admitted with a grin. The degree hanging on her wall could be helpful from time to time but she hadn't wanted to become a lawyer. It had all been to prove that she could do it better than he could. As it was, she was eligible to write the Bar Exam but she just hadn't. Becoming a lawyer had never interested Winnie. She enjoyed learning and drawing, which was why she was now in school to learn something that genuinely interested her because at the end of the day her brother was still that seedy lawyer but she had higher aspirations in mind for her own future. Namely, Winnie wanted to be happy and be able to have a life outside of her stuffy, wood-paneled office with its bookshelves full of expensive but useless Knick knacks and law books. She shook her head, returning to the present. "Although should my dreams fail me, I have a very good fallback thanks to that particular hobby." She added with a laugh though she knew she was being cryptic. It was not exactly a conversation to be had with a stranger.

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Tag || darien gregory banks
Words || 628
Music || No Such Thing as a Broken Heart --Old Dominion
Notes || <3

[darien gregory banks]

It was hard to balance the two parts of his life. Darien longed for the freedom his soul felt when he was in the wilds of New Zealand, but at the same time he wanted to help his dad, to keep the business he had brought to success alive. They were contrasting opposites, things that shouldn’t be put in the same box together. It was like Darien wasn’t supposed to find a way to keep them together, but his stubborn nature meant that he was determined to keep them. He couldn’t give up half of who he was; he just needed to find a way to keep everything level. It was just impossible when his father’s grief kept demanding that all memories of Kiri be erased from the earth. Darien missed his mother, but he wanted to celebrate the time he did have with her, whereas his father didn’t seem to be able to even mention her name without losing control of his emotions. Darien was the spitting image of Warner Banks, which he considered to be a good thing since he didn’t know how his father might be if Darien had inherited his appearance from his mother.

Warner Banks could be difficult, but Darien still loved his father. He knew that he was hurting, that he hadn’t handled the sudden loss of his wife well. Over the years there should have been chances for him to reach out and get the help he needed, but Warner had instead buried himself in his work, letting him emotions spill out on the others around him. Darien had grown up being forced to let go of most of the things Kiri has instilled into him. At the time he hadn’t understood it, but now he knew that it had been too painful for Warner to see her in their son. Darien had regained most of those loves, keeping them to himself so as not to make his father’s suffering worse. One day, when the time was right, he would reach out and help his dad see that keeping Kiri’s memory alive didn’t have to be a bad, painful thing. The times he had tried before though had just led to Warner becoming more volatile and pushing more work Darien’s way, demanding that he take on more responsibility. It was as though he wanted to drown his son in spreadsheets and finance meetings until all reminders of Kiri were lost to statistics and numbers.

He kept his gaze on the distance. It was rare Darien ever looked at people when he spoke now. It was a conscious defensive move so that people couldn’t get too close, see that he was tired or bothered by his workload or lack of escape. “I don’t have any skills like that; I’m an only child.” It never really bothered him to be raised alone, but there were nights when he wondered if his parents would have had more children had Kiri not been sick. Obviously life would have been very different and there was an insanely strong chance that Darien wouldn’t have been an accountancy student who worked long hours at his father’s company. He might have been pursuing art and not keeping it a hobby under lock and key. It might have been more than his secret therapy, his escape in a city that never took a break or switched off for even a second. There were a million ‘what ifs’ he could lay in bed and think about at night, but none of them could change his reality.

• • •

TAGGED! Windsor Iliana Mercy
WORDS! 595!
OUTFIT! Melancholic Man!
LYRICS! Bigger Than Love - - - My Favorite Highway
NOTES! <3

[Windsor Iliana Mercy]

Some of Winnie's friends in high school and then in college had wondered why she'd spent so much time trying to get one over on her brother. They didn't see that in their household, he had been the golden child; the one that could do no wrong. She was often times, barely a thought on the conscious. She had actually preferred it that way when she'd been living at home but the only way to get her parents attention was to be better than her brother at something. When he wanted to play sports, Winnie was automatically thrust into them, though she didn't mind that either. She would practice and train twice as hard to be better than he was because he was a slacker and didn't really care if he played or not; just that he had the uniform to prove he'd done it. Winnie had genuinely liked the sports she was forced into so it wasn't so much of a bother to her. Going to college for pre-law then law school had been a giant fuck you to her big brother. He hated that his little sister even existed in the first place, never mind the fact that she'd been on the Honour Roll list for every year it had existed in school. She was brilliant and hadn't had to try nearly as hard as he had to get decent grades.

Now that she was in New York and finally ready to let go of all the childhood trauma, Winnie was a much lighter person. She smiled a lot more, even when she was feeling a bit blue. It was just nice to not have someone around constantly attempting to make her feel like shit. The city was her fresh start and Winnie wasn't going to ruin that by having her idiot brother on her mind all the time. Truthfully, she hadn't actually thought about the fool in months until now. It was stupid to bring him up as well but apparently she had forgotten how to be sociable. Everyone was allowed one day where they completely forgot how to be a functioning human being. She was at the park because hers happened to be that day. Despite all the drama and the trauma of her childhood, occasionally she did get homesick. It wasn't so much the people or the home itself, it was more about the hobbies she'd had in Florida. They'd lived on the beach, easy access to the water on the daily. Her bedroom overlooked the water and the sound of the waves put her to sleep at night. When she'd moved to New York and quickly realised she couldn't afford a place on the waterfront immediately, in any borough, it had brought her down. But she had also been determined to make the most of the move and instead went out and picked up some Bluetooth speakers and found herself an ocean waves playlist on Spotify. It worked well enough though it would never really compare to the real thing.

Winnie nodded her head, wishing, not for the first time, that she was also an only child. Life might have been a little easier to get through if she hadn't had her older brother always trying to bring her down. It had never worked, he didn't know the right buttons to push but bless him, he did try; not hard, that would be too much effort but enough. "I'm equal parts jealous of that and sad that you didn't have anyone to talk to." She said with a small smile. She had dreamt of having a sibling she could talk to her entire life. Unfortunately, it hadn't worked out that way for her but at least she'd had something to occupy her whenever she was bored. Some people didn't even have that and it upset her. She had never thought about children of her own, she was too young and too driven to get through school and make a career for herself to actually take time to think about her future. But she knew without a shadow of a doubt that if she were ever lucky enough to have children, she'd definitely want more than one. "I'm Winnie, by the way." She offered up a second or two later, after a shake of her head. She did not need her brain running down that track!

♦ ♦ ♦

Tag || darien gregory banks
Words || 731
Music || No Such Thing as a Broken Heart --Old Dominion
Notes || <3

[darien gregory banks]

Darien worried what would become of his father if he broke free of the life that had been sculpted for him. He didn’t know what Warner Banks would do if his only son broke away from the structured plans of the business world he had raised him in. For the longest time Darien had been shaped to be nothing like his mother; every trait he had inherited from her had been squeezed out of him and changed into something else. It was like Warner couldn’t have any hint of his dead wife left in his life. Darien pitied him for it. He wanted to help him, to remind him that it was okay to miss Kiri, to mourn for her and embrace all that they had once shared. Darien had loved chasing that heritage he had lost and hated that he had years of lost time because of it. He could accept that he was a child of both worlds now, that he needed to find a balance of the two, but he hadn’t yet found a way to publicly combine the two. For that to happen he needed to help his father heal.

And if people thought Darien was stubborn they needed to meet the man he had leant it from. Warner wouldn’t even entertain casual notions of vacations or sentimentality. He was all about his work and had been for almost as long as Darien could remember by now. He knew he had been thrust to the helm of a company he had barely been interested in when he was still mourning his wife when his own father had suddenly died. He knew that the guilt of not being a good enough son had propelled him into pushing Darien the way he did. And he knew that he hadn’t had the time to process a lot of what had happened back then, and that it had eventually spiralled into an incessant guilt that he thought grew over the years because Warner basically turned into a man he never intended to become. Darien saw his own future heading in the same direction if he didn’t find a way to break the cycle.

Darien sighed softly. He had never really had time to miss non-existent siblings growing up. Part of him was grateful they hadn’t gone through what he had. He didn’t know if he would have had it in him to protect them from the absent father, or to find way to create fun in the grey world he had grown up in. He was exhausted living for himself; if he had been required to entertain anyone else he would probably have collapsed already a long time ago. “You can’t miss what you never had.” He said with a shrug. Casting a quick glance in her direction, Darien wondered why she was sticking around to have this conversation. People usually walked on when they realised he wasn’t exactly Mr. Sociable. “Darien.” And then he looked back out across the park, watching as a kid took the first unsteady pedals on their slightly too-big bike.

• • •

TAGGED! Windsor Iliana Mercy
WORDS! 519!
LYRICS! Bigger Than Love - - - My Favorite Highway
NOTES! <3