Pluck My Nerves • •

[axel tiberius tudor]

Axel loved his job, but there were days when he felt like he was being used as a lackey for the professors who couldn’t be bothered doing their own legwork. If he didn’t value his position so much, he might have sarcastically asked for their coffee orders when they gave him errands to run rather than have him help out in the labs or sit in the lecture halls to help answer questions at the end of the hour. Some would probably roll with the joke, but there were two professors in the Biology department who had never taken to Axel’s humorous behaviour even when he was a student, and they seemed less fond of him now he worked beneath them as a departmental assistant. Quite a bit of his time lately had been helping Professor Colbourne work on a research paper, with Axel double checking a lot of references and taking some of his admin work to free up his time to write the paper. Today he was being sent to the library to grab some books and journals that he needed. No doubt Axel would end up checking things in them himself, since the professor seemed to enjoy letting the graduate do a lot of the fact checking on his behalf. Each time was the promise of a mention in the acknowledgement pages, but Axel was starting to wonder if he deserved more for the hours he was putting in.

He wasn’t the type to ask such a thing though. He just got on with it. That was how he had been raised. He might have a moan about it when he caught up with his friends and they had a drink at the weekend, but he would never disrespect the men and women who had taught him all he knew now and had helped him graduate from NYU. Like any job, there were gripes. Axel grabbed the list of library items from his desk and used his laptop to locate them all on the catalogue first in the hopes of saving himself some time once he got there. This time of year the library could be packed with students in that last stage of panic before finals and deadlines. He remembered only too well how the teachers could really strike fear into the heart of them all to try and get them to buckle down for the last month or so of school before the summer rolled by and they were free again. Once he had what he needed, Axel put the paper in his pocket, his laptop in its case and then set off across the campus to the library.

Flashing a boyish smile at the librarian on duty, he moved swiftly to the area he needed to be, dumping his bags down on a chair and finding the first book with surprising ease. He threw it on the table the chair stuck out from and set about finding the second. Soon enough there was a scattered pile taking up far too much space on the table top considering he wasn’t ever going to sit down. He’d find what he needed, commandeer a trolley to get them all back to the Biology department and then be done with it all. It was a moment of selfish thinking since there were hardly any free tables going as it was. The last book he couldn’t find. It wasn’t where it was supposed to be. Axel huffed, and glanced at the collection on the table to be sure he hadn’t already picked it up by mistake. It was then he noticed the girl hovering not too far away and he realised then that he was taking up space he didn’t need. “If you need somewhere to study, sit here, please. I’m not actually sticking around. Just looking for things.” He quickly moved everything to a neater pile on the edge and smiled up at her, waving his now crumpled list in hand.

• • •

TAGGED! Ruby Emily Rhodes
WORDS! 665!
OUTFIT! SUAVE SCIENTIST!
LYRICS! Pretty Down To Your Bones- - - The Hush Sound
NOTES! <3

[Ruby Emily Rhodes]

Ruby was trying to figure her life out and become something other than a cowering little girl. She moved away from home for that fresh start, only taking with her, her brother and their dogs. They had to get away from the small town they'd been born in. Ruby more than Connor. He hadn't been there, not really but he'd stuck by her until she'd been ready to move on. And Ruby would be forever grateful for that because she knew he could have run off to whatever school he'd wanted when he'd graduated from their high school. But he'd stuck around, went to the local community college and kept an eye on his poor, traumatised baby sister, afraid she'd have yet another nervous breakdown. At least now he had help keeping an eye on her with her boss promising to be a phone call away. First glance had Teddie being a bit of a scary woman, certainly intimidating to the soft spoken, doe eyed blonde. She was brash, harsh, spoke her mind and didn't apologise for any of it. She looked more like she would walk up one side and right down the other with no remorse or care for which feelings got hurt, and maybe she was exactly like that but with Ruby wasn't. With Rubes, Teddie was a big sister, taking the traumatised young transplant under her wing and showing her how to come out of her shell a little bit at a time.

Working at the Chocolate Box had bee exactly what Ruby needed when she'd moved to New York. She hadn't had a job since before the massacre so she'd been a little out of practice but Teddie didn't seem to mind, knowing all that she did about the blonde. And her professor's knew about her past as well, giving her a little extra time if something became overwhelming for her. Thankfully, it never did and Ruby was doing pretty good in her classes. She'd taken the extra couple classes because it really couldn't hurt to have it in her transcripts all the same. She wasn't planning on going any further than behavioural psychologist specialising in traumatised youths. It was very specific but Ruby had a leg up in the area, having been one of those youths herself. She'd gone through so many shrinks, therapists, psychologists just trying to find someone who could get the meaning behind her words. Thank god she finally found one!

But it all meant that she'd found herself in New York, going to university and trying to help kids who went through traumatic events like she had. She was in the library now on her day off because one of her psych professors wanted a paper and she didn't have anything more than the required reading at her apartment. She snagged the books she needed off the shelf before searching for a table to settle down at. She would probably only be there for an hour or so. After the last couple years, she'd become quite adept with her laptop and typing up her notes. It was all she needed, she would write up the proper report later when she was home and really able to curl up in her own space. "If you wouldn't mind. This place is so busy today." She said softly with a smile as she took up the space in the free corner. She didn't need much room at all. She only had the two books that she needed for her class and her laptop to make notes on.

Tag || axel tiberius tudor
Words || 594
Clothes || Nervous Nancy!
Music || Burning Up --Marianas Trench
Notes || <3!

[axel tiberius tudor]

Axel wasn’t a student anymore, but he still thought of himself as one sometimes. He blended in well with them even now. He still wore the same clothes to work as he did when he was an undergrad. There wasn’t a dress code for a departmental assistant, so most days he was in jeans and a t-shirt, drinking coffee to get through like so many of the other souls on the college campus. Really, the only thing that told him apart from the others was that the ID in his wallet was branded staff and not student, and he had access to places he didn’t know existed when he had been completing his biology degree. Other than that, the only people who knew his true position were those who were students in the department themselves, who had been pointed in his direction when it came time to ask for help or to hand papers in. He was only an assistant, but sometimes he was trusted with essay collections, or office hours if there was a sudden need to cancel or far too many students had shown up and he was floating around spare for twenty minutes before he was needed in a lecture hall. It broke up the monotony of fetching and carrying anyway, and Axel liked helping out those who were where he had been not too long ago.

Axel had taken this position because he was still working out what path he wanted to go down with his career. He wasn’t sure he wanted to jump into teaching when he was young or spend some years maybe working in a research field. Plus, being young he wanted to experience life and see things. His position at NYU right now allowed him to do that while letting him delve into both teaching and research and sample each of them equally. Axel liked it, but he knew he wouldn’t be there forever. Two years had already passed since his old professor had offered him the position, and he would soon find himself antsy for something more permanent. Right now he was young enough to still have plenty of things he wanted to see and do, and his work pattern with the department and the college timetable allowed him to do things and go places as he fancied it. He wasn’t sure he’d get that opportunity elsewhere so he wanted to make the most of it now.

Axel moved his things, making room for the blonde girl. He shrugged, flashing her a cheeky smile. “End of the year itch for you.” He said, recognising it well on many of the faces he had seen since he had been in the library. He had experienced it himself and practically camped out at the library totally unnecessarily. There hadn’t been a need for him to cram like he did sometimes, but Axel panicked that if he didn’t he would forget everything the minute he saw an exam paper. It was irrational, but he could laugh about it now he was a college graduate. “There you go. Is that enough space? I’ll be out of your hair soon. I just need to find one more book that isn’t where it’s supposed to be.” He sighed, looking over his crumpled list and ran his fingers through his messy hair.

• • •

TAGGED! Ruby Emily Rhodes
WORDS! 558!
OUTFIT! SUAVE SCIENTIST!
LYRICS! Pretty Down To Your Bones- - - The Hush Sound
NOTES! <3

[Ruby Emily Rhodes]

Ruby woke up every morning wondering how in the hell she would make it through the day. There had been a time when she’d woken up and wondered what sort of typical teenage trouble she was going to land in. She had always been a good kid, even when everyone had wholeheartedly expected her and her brother to rebel in the absolute worst ways imaginable. That or they’d fall in on themselves and become reclusive, always blaming their depressed ways on their parent’s deaths. Neither of them had ended up like that, both having actually bounced back from the atrocity rather well. Probably better than they should have but then they hadn’t been thrown into the shark tank that was the public system. Ruby’s parent’s had a plan should anything ever happen to them. Of course, they hadn’t thought anything would but just in case. Then again, Ruby had become a recluse after the bonfire incident so maybe all those people who couldn’t keep their mouths shut had been right after all. They just got the when mixed up.

Then again, she was out of that small town where the worst massacre of the state happened in a decade or more. And she’d been the only one willingly spared. Survivor’s remorse or guilt or whatever the hell it was called was too bland for what Ruby had felt, and still did at times. But she was working through it. And she had gotten the hell out of there. That was the first step. The second was not having either of her companion dogs with her everywhere she went. They brought up too many questions and Ruby really didn’t want to answer them. She just wasn’t ready. Hell, she wasn’t ready to be without either of her dogs in stressful situations but her teachers didn’t call on her unless she raised her hand; which she was starting to do more of. Thankfully, most of her classes were large lectures and she blended into the crowd.

Ruby thought the entire campus had gone crazy, like they all forgot to do all the assignments and needed to blitz it all in a couple of days instead of months. Maybe it was just that whenever she was at the shop and feeling a little overwhelmed, Teddie let her hide away in the office and do something that took her mind away from it all. Sometimes, that was ordering more inventory, sometimes it was answering calls and taking orders and sometimes, it was her homework. Since she didn’t feel his comment actually warranted a response, Ruby just nodded her head. She stopped being good with people when the massacre happened. Something in the petite blonde broke and she missed the old her but she had no idea how to even begin to get her back again. “More than enough, thank you.” She managed to get out as she sat in the empty chair and set her books down. She never used to be shy. She never used to speak so softly people had to tell her to speak up but things changed. And she wanted them to change back, which was why she was so far from home. She pulled her laptop out of her bag and set it down before decided something without even thinking about it for the first time in years. “Maybe I could help you search?” She asked, after taking what felt like the biggest deep breath of her life.

Tag || axel tiberius tudor
Words || 579
Clothes || Nervous Nancy!
Music || Burning Up --Marianas Trench
Notes || <3!

[axel tiberius tudor]

The worst thing in Axel’s life had been his father abandoning him. The divorce had been messy, but his dad basically giving up being a father had been worse. Axel didn’t care so much now, realising that it was Raymond’s loss and not his. Back when he was little though weekends were ruined when daddy didn’t come when he was supposed to, or he made excuses and cancelled the plans he promised. Disappointment eventually became the norm and now Axel was a little bit pleased that he didn’t have to spend his life wondering when the next bitter let down would come his way. He was twelve when he stopped calling Raymond ‘dad’, and that was the same time that Raymond stopped calling or sending birthday cards. The bond was severed as easily as cutting a piece of string, and instead the relationship between Axel and his mother grew stronger. A week didn’t go by now without several phone calls, and he was forever sending her gifts just because he saw something he thought she would like.

His mom had worked tremendously hard to make up for the absent father. She had to make ends meet, and she had to do the job of two parents. Axel never forgot that, and he never took her for granted. If she wanted to spend an afternoon with him he cancelled plans with friends to watch a movie or go grocery shopping. Even now he made sure to take the time to drive back home and see her as often as was possible. He even paid for her to come to him when he couldn’t go back home. They were close, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Yes, his friends teased him a little for being such a momma’s boy, but if they had lived his life then maybe they would understand why. He tried to put it into words, but it never came across as enough. He could say that his dad left him after the divorce, his mom did all she could to make it up to him, but it never sounded like it covered everything. Other kids had been like him, but they weren’t friends with their mom like Axel was. No, it was different, but he couldn’t explain it in as many words. More often than not now he shrugged and told people they had to live his life to understand it.

Axel ran his hair through his unkempt hair, making more of it stick straight up. He made a mess when he was gathering things. He was a smart man, but usually chaotically organised. He thrived with clutter, but knew where everything was supposed to be. When he worked he had paper and notebooks scattered around him like he was clueless, but it was the complete opposite. He could fill a desk in no time at all given the chance. “Just shove anything out of the way if you need to. I’m not working here.” He said with a quick smile. He did feel a little guilty taking up space he didn’t need, but with no plans to stick around it wouldn’t matter if his books ended up stacked on the floor until he carted them off again. A table was just safer – no one would trip over them on a table. “If you can find this, I owe you a drink.” Axel said with a sigh, offering her the crumpled bit of paper. He had pretty much given up now.

• • •

TAGGED! Ruby Emily Rhodes
WORDS! 589!
OUTFIT! SUAVE SCIENTIST!
LYRICS! Pretty Down To Your Bones- - - The Hush Sound
NOTES! <3

[Ruby Emily Rhodes]

It was actually a miracle that Ruby was as put together as she was. It took years of therapy that she was still participating in and unless she found another outlet, probably always would. Most people who survive a traumatic experience only had to live through one of them, Ruby had survived two events that should have left her a shell of a human being, completely catatonic. And yeah, for a little while she had been lost in her own mind dealing with the fact that she had been the only one purposefully unharmed. There had been too many people screaming and running around at that bonfire that ruby had done the opposite automatically. She should have been a perfect target but she had shown kindness and compassion and because she tried, she was allowed to live. It was a cruel twist of fate that had taken her a long time to come to terms with but she did it. And considering no one had ever expected her to do much of anything after that, it was an impressive feat.

But Ruby didn't want to be known as the girl who lived. She was not some real life gender swapped version of Harry Potter without the magic and she wanted to prove that she was just as capable as the next person to live a normal life. She might have had two companion dogs to deal with everything but technically one of their pups belonged to her brother. And she tried to be as normal as possible on campus. People see a dog and they assume things and Ruby didn't want nor need that. She was sick of answering questions. Besides, she mostly saw the same people so it wasn't as harrowing an experience for her. The Chocolate Box was another story but she was allowed to bring her Nami with her, provided the little gangster stay in the office with Teddie's Truffle. And as long as she could slip back every once in a while and check on Nami, Ruby was able to keep a pretty clear head. She wouldn't say she was completely cured of her fears and anxiety but she was definitely able to control it all just a little bit better each day.

Ruby took the piece of paper and glanced over the title. It caught her eye as something she had seen before but she didn't know if that was because it was on one of her reading lists or because she'd seen the book somewhere in the library. It was probably the second one when she had been getting to know her way around the large building, correctly assuming she would be spending plenty of time there. "I'll start at that end. Maybe it was put back in the wrong spot." She said softly, moving around to get to the other end of the aisle. It had to be around there somewhere. She had only made it down a couple sets of shelves before the title jumped out at her. She checked the paper in her hand again, just to make sure that it was the right book and not something she remembered off her own lists before pulling it from the shelf. "Your book." She said taking the few steps between them.

Tag || axel tiberius tudor
Words || 549
Clothes || Nervous Nancy!
Music || Burning Up --Marianas Trench
Notes || <3!

[axel tiberius tudor]

Axel had been angry about everything that his dad had done. Being abandoned by someone who he was supposed to be able to trust and rely on had hurt. It could have royally messed Axel up and made him reckless and rebellious. It was a risk that definitely could have happened with how annoyed and angry Axel had been with Raymond. In the end though, with maturity, Axel had come to conclude that it had made him a better man. He knew now that he didn’t want to be anything like his poor excuse of a father. Raymond, being as useless and as disappointing as he had been, had ultimately shown Axel the type of person he didn’t want to be. When Axel made promises he kept them now, no matter what. He worked hard to make sure people knew he was as reliable as he said he was. He made it a point never to say something if he couldn’t keep to it. His word meant something to him even if other people didn’t realise it.

He wasn’t about to go around and declare to the world that he was a good man because he had a bad father. If anyone was getting credit it was his mother. He did all that he did for her. If he had one wish in the world it was to help his mom. He wanted to get a good job, work hard and make sure she could live comfortably without worry. She had done so much for him it was the only way he could think of showing her how grateful he was for everything she had done. He knew she had never complained, but he also knew she had given up a lot to make sure that Axel had all that he needed. She might have been his mother, and she always said it was her job, but his dad had decided he didn’t want to do his job. She could have easily thought the same and showed him the same uncaring attitude as Raymond. The fact that she hadn’t meant more to Axel than words could ever say, so he needed to find the actions to show his thanks.

Axel really was ready to give up his search for the book. The library system was a mess whenever all the students were rampaging through like elephants, thanks to exam stress. “It’s a plan, Batman.” He said with a lopsided smirk, shoving his hands in his pockets as he moved to the opposite end from her. He was supposed to be scanning the shelves, but his eyes wandered across to the girl helping him look. She was cute. He had to force himself back to the search, his eyes skipping a few shelves because of the distraction that came in the form of a pretty, softly spoken blonde. He grinned when she approached, offering out the missing book from his list. “And now I owe you a drink.” He said lightly, taking the book from her and folding it into his chest. “Thanks.”

• • •

TAGGED! Ruby Emily Rhodes
WORDS! 518!
OUTFIT! SUAVE SCIENTIST!
LYRICS! Pretty Down To Your Bones- - - The Hush Sound
NOTES! <3

[Ruby Emily Rhodes]

Every card that had been dealt Ruby should have led to her breaking down and hiding away from life forever, or just not living at all. She hadn't planned on being away when her parents were killed, it had been last minute. She should have by all accounts been killed at the bonfire with the rest of her classmates who just happened to be there. But she's been spared both times by a guardian angel watching over her. It broke her and she wouldn't lie about it. She'd been traumatised for ages but she was working her way into being the girl she'd once been. Ruby was a sweet girl, always had been, but there was a time not so long ago that she'd been loud and joyful and full of life. Not so long ago, she would have been down for any party, ready to dance the night away with her friends. The bonfire had taken away her spirit for a little while but she was determined to bring it back.

Her recovery was going to be a long process and the first step had been to get away from that small town where the bad memories outweighed the good ones. After that, it was all one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. She was getting there. At work, as long as the place didn't have any customers, she was pretty good, quick with a comeback, able to breathe a little easier with her colleagues but most other places she was a bit of a mess. At least at work, she could slink off, take some time and Teddie let her bring Mozart with her. Ruby couldn't do that with school, people asked too many questions and she didn't want to answer them. The one time she did happen to bring her smallest support dog with her, there were openly questioning looks and actual questions and she didn't want to be the freak with the emotional support dog, she wanted to be able to hide away in the crowd.

The library was another place, she'd attempted it once because of a superiorly bad day and the librarian had a total meltdown, fighting and arguing with her to the point that she ran out of the building freaking out, had to call her brother and refused to return when that woman was on shift. Connor had lodged a complaint on her behalf and all sorts of drama Ruby didn't want to deal with happened. In the end, she only wanted to be left alone with her dog if she happened to bring him with her. Only a few months ago she probably wouldn't have even approached the man searching out books in the library. Ruby would have hidden away somewhere in a corner and kept entirely to herself, jumping if anyone so much as walked by. She was doing well, beyond what she thought she would ever accomplish again. Now she was actually engaging in conversation that wasn't required for a class. "Don't worry about it." She said with a smile before turning towards the table again. She wasn't sure if she was even ready for anything like drinks with anyone, let alone with a handsome stranger. Perhaps if she talked it over with Connor or Teddie, they might talk her into taking that step out of her comfort zone but she also knew he was probably just being polite and suggesting it in that way that people do but never actually follow through with.

Tag || axel tiberius tudor
Words || 590
Clothes || Nervous Nancy!
Music || Burning Up --Marianas Trench
Notes || <3!

[axel tiberius tudor]

There were plenty of little boys who grew up without their fathers. For Axel, it wasn’t a defining factor in his life – or at least that was what he tried to convince himself of. He didn’t want to give the absent man any credit for how he turned out. His so-called-father didn’t deserve that. Axel didn’t care where the man was now or what he could be doing. All Axel knew was that he had no room in his life for Raymond Tudor should he ever choose to reappear. As an adult, Axel understood just how pathetic his father had been. He realised that losing a job couldn’t have been easy, but they hadn’t lived in a place where work wasn’t readily available for those looking and willing. Raymond took the easy way out by turning to the bottle, turning to welfare cheques and blaming Davina for everything that they could afford to do or have. Axel knew his mother had worked herself to the bone to provide for them, trying to keep the family together. He wouldn’t see a bad thing said about her nowadays.

That wasn’t something that was just limited to his mother. Axel didn’t enjoy being around bad gossip. The world was already full of people considered professionals who did nothing but bitch and backstab each other. Axel didn’t think everyone else needed to follow suit. He’d rather pick someone up than put them down, and for every complaint he heard about someone else, he offered back a compliment, or a good trait he found admirable. Axel was naïve enough to believe that everyone had some good part of them, but he thought putting good people down was a sure-fire way of making enemies; and he didn’t need or want those. There were probably people out there who already thought he was annoying just because he was friendly to pretty much everyone he crossed paths with – that was unless he had a very good reason not to. When Axel felt that way he was also keen to share his reasoning for it, regardless of if people cared to listen to him.

His mother had instilled the very best of manners into him, and Axel didn’t like ignoring them without a good cause. That was why he was determined right now to show his appreciation. The professor he was working with could be a little bit difficult sometimes, and anyone who helped Axel avoid any of his disappointed sighs or complaints deserved something in return. “Aw, c’mon. At least let me get you something from the vending machine. I’ll even smuggle it back in for you so the librarians don’t get suspicious.” He considered himself to have a good rapport with the library staff and he knew they looked away as he bent the rules from time to time. So long as he didn’t damage anything or run up a long bill of overdue fines, he would be good. They were partial to some of the sweet treats he brought in for them when he was spending hours in their space, pestering them for help or asking to get a book from the locked stacks.

• • •

TAGGED! Ruby Emily Rhodes
WORDS! 531!
LYRICS! Pretty Down To Your Bones- - - The Hush Sound
NOTES! <3

[Ruby Emily Rhodes]

New York was as far out of Ruby's comfort zone as she could get while still remaining on mainland America. Once upon a time, she'd had dreams of travelling the world, seeing the Eiffel Tower with her own eyes, looking up at the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in all its glory and just embracing what the world had to offer her. And then the shooting happened and she seemed to lose all her nerve to do anything. She hadn't been the only survivor but she had been the only one intentionally spared and it had been a challenge to overcome. Survivors guilt, they'd called it and indeed she had wondered on more than one occasion why she was spared. She knew the answer, he'd told the courtroom why he'd spared her but even armed with the knowledge that because she'd been kind, had tried to befriend him, he decided she was worth saving, still made her shake. There might have been a chance that she would overcome her anxiety and fears about the bonfire night if she hadn't lost her parents to such a vicious and cruel home invasion years before. One huge trauma was enough to keep most in therapy; Ruby had lived through two. It was a damn miracle she'd even left her home, never mind that she'd moved across the country to attend a school in a city that she'd never thought she'd see outside of television and articles on the internet.

The simple fact that she had even engaged in conversation was a serious step in the right direction and something she would be pleased to tell her therapist about when she saw him later that week. She kept up her appointments because they really did help keep her calm and collected. Without those sessions, she would probably revert back to the shell of a person she'd once been. Even when she did interact with other people, she habitually stuttered, whispered or just used simple gestures that lead more than a few people to believe she was deaf or mute. She felt bad about people thinking that about her but at the same time, she did everything she could to keep herself a step away from everyone around her; and people believing that meant they didn't ask her anything more. For the longest time, she would just stare blankly at people who tried to talk to her, blinking slowly like she wasn't getting the words that they were saying. And while she was hearing them, for longer than even she knew, she wasn't registering them.

This interaction, this conversation with this stranger was the longest conversation she'd had outside of therapy and her family that she'd had since the bonfire. She would allow herself to feel pride about that when it was all said and done and she could walk herself through the event again later. It was a coping mechanism taught to her whenever she did talk to someone; go back through it later and remember all the times that she could have stayed silent but instead spoke up. Those times would become easier to get through because they'd made her happy and then go through the spots where she stayed quiet and understand that while it was okay, acknowledge that she could have said something. It worked fairly well and Ruby did feel herself getting more comfortable being in public. Baby steps. Ruby considered the strangers' words, tilting her head to contemplate what, if anything, she would walk from a vending machine. "I like Dr Pepper." She offered without stuttering, making herself smile absently at the progress she was making and not necessarily at the strange man offering to buy her a drink.

Tag || axel tiberius tudor
Words || 620
Music || Burning Up --Marianas Trench
Notes || <3!

[axel tiberius tudor]

There was a lot Axel wanted to do with his life. He wanted to travel, to fall in love, to create something memorable that would outlast him. He just wasn’t in a rush to achieve those things. He took days as they came, and spent most of them working on college research projects or helping professors. It wasn’t the dream career, but it was something that could open doors into secretive places. Well, maybe not secretive per se, but rather offer him opportunities he may not have received if he had just looked for lab work elsewhere. College research programmes were usually at the height of innovation, pushing what they knew to make new discoveries, new treatments, and new cures. Axel wanted to be there, where things were exciting and disappointing all in one go. Where he would work with others just as passionate about biology and the study of it as he was. Before that though, he would have to collect books and make photocopies or digital slides for his former professor.

He wasn’t a stranger to hard work, nor was he afraid of it. Axel knew the dream jobs were very rarely handed out on a silver platter to anyone who had simply graduated college. He knew there were internships and unpaid programmes that could open doors, but he had rent to pay and didn’t particularly want to do grunt work for nothing and then have to go and work in a restaurant or retail store for the rest of his time. There was hard work and then there was overworking. He was happy enough where he was, knowing that one day the opportunities would align, and he’d move on to better and brighter things. Axel didn’t know what exactly they would be, but he was patient enough to find that out in time.

Axel grinned. “Dr Pepper is my favourite.” He told her, almost acting like she was the first person who had ever shared his preference for the sweeter-than-coke soda. “You wait right here and I’ll be back in two ticks.” He left his books at the issue desk on his way out of the library, explaining to Presley that he’d grab them from her a little later and rambling through an explanation that he was just collecting them on behalf of the biology professor and so she didn’t get to remind him he still had three books out on microbiology.

He reached the nearest vending machine down the hallway from the library and got two ice cold cans of Dr Pepper. He pocketed them in his hoodie, but then made sure to keep his movement as calm as possible so he didn’t shake them up too much. It was one thing to sneak the drinks into the library – something he knew many a student had done – but it was something else entirely to sneak them in and then have them explode all over the tables and shelves. Axel had a feeling Presley might just chase him off the campus entirely if he caused something like that. “Here ya go.” He passed one of the cans to his new buddy and then plucked out his own, tapping the top before he coughed loudly to disguise the opening of the drink.

• • •

TAGGED! Ruby Emily Rhodes
WORDS! 550!
LYRICS! Pretty Down To Your Bones- - - The Hush Sound
NOTES! Actually fuelled by Dr Pepper <3

[Ruby Emily Rhodes]

Ruby was making progress in her life. There had been a point where she could barely leave her bedroom. She had never been able to step foot back into the school after the shooting but she had been able to step outside the house from time to time. Her entire family probably thought it was a miracle she had gained enough confidence and strength and surety in herself to move away and explore who she was. They had all agreed that she needed to be away from her hometown to really figure out what was anxiety and fear and what was Ruby. She hadn't been able to really learn that about herself before the massacre happened. She'd been so young when her parents were murdered that with therapy and friends being normal, she had been able to overcome the trauma of it all. She was in New York so that obviously meant that she was doing what she'd been sent there to do.

Being at the school without her service dog did make her more anxious but it couldn't be helped. There were just places she didn't like bringing her sweet Nami because he was so big, even though he was quite docile. Hell, if she were twenty pounds lighter, they would weigh the same! The library wasn't a place for Nami. It was too quiet and she didn't like the looks she was constantly on the receiving end of. The looks reminded her of her hometown so it unnerved her and made her feel like she was taking one step forward only to take a dozen steps back again. That was hardly the case and she had to remind herself of that daily but it still happened whenever she brought Nami to school with her. She was on the East coast of the country, she was attending classes at university and she had a job that she loved. All of those things were proof that she was moving forward. And if those were not good enough reasons, she was standing in the library, actually talking and interacting with a person who was not her professor, therapist, boss or brother! He was a complete and utter stranger and she was smiling and talking and starting to feel like that girl who had disappeared before her Junior year was still in there somewhere.

It was going to take a lot of time and even more effort still but everyone believed that Ruby would find her voice again and she was truly starting to think they were right. It was still something she needed to figure out on her own but at least she had people in her corner she could talk to. She smiled at the excited and animated boy as he spoke and nodded before he ran off to get the drink. Proud of herself, she sat down at opened her laptop. If it turned out he was just being polite because she'd helped him and she wouldn't see him again, so be it. She could still be proud of the interaction. The quiet blonde went about bringing up the correct document and read through what she would need from the books before she started. She felt like that was the best way to get through these assignments. Ruby blinked and looked up at the boy she'd been talking to and helping, genuinely shocked to see that he'd returned. "Oh. Thank you," she said after a second or two of showing off her imitation of a deer caught in headlights.

Tag || axel tiberius tudor
Words || 590
Music || Burning Up --Marianas Trench
Notes || <3!

[axel tiberius tudor]

Axel didn’t know yet if he’d go back to school. There were some research programs and companies associated with them that would pay the way for interested participants to go and get their Masters or their Doctorates, so long as they committed to work for them for a few years afterwards. If the right one came along and offered the funding, Axel felt like he’d be a fool to turn it down. He also knew he couldn’t just choose to do further his education without that sort of plan though. College was ludicrously expensive for his Bachelors, and to go back for more would probably put him into debt he’d be paying off well up to retirement. Without knowing where he’d be, what he’d be doing, or who he’d be doing it with it seemed like such a potentially foolish mistake to make. Axel didn’t want to be sitting there, twenty years from now, regretting a choice he thought would make his life better. He couldn’t do it. Not after what his childhood had been.

His mother told him not to worry about things like that, but Axel still did. He still fretted that his own children – should he have any – would find themselves going without because he had made a choice that ended up being the wrong one. His mom would laugh and tell him it wouldn’t be like that, but Axel had no father figure, he had no way of knowing what it was supposed to be like. All he knew was that his father was a disappointment, and while he vowed and swore never to be anything like that man, it was still difficult not to fret and panic that some genetic fuck up had already been passed down to him, and that it would manifest in a different way but still ruin the lives of those he loved in the future. He tried not to worry about it, he really did, but it was so difficult, and sometimes he wondered if his indecisiveness now was a way of trying to avoid making any choice at all in case it was the wrong one.

Axel smiled and then pulled out a chair, nudging his pile of books to the side so he could rest his elbows on the desk. He took another small sip from the cold soda and grinned. “I fucked up.” He admitted in an amused whisper. “Y’see, I have to go to the desk to check these out because they’re going on an academic loan – long term, paperwork, lots of boxes to tick and things to sign. But I opened this already and if Presley thinks I’m sneaking Dr Pepper into her library she will kick my ass all the way back to the biology department. And she’s wearing heeled boots today.” He waved his hand, realising there was a long story that probably wasn’t as common knowledge as he thought it was. “Mentos, coke cans, chemistry kids got banned for two months and almost flunked finals.” He summarised, disliking how they had managed to bring the reputation of the whole science department down with them from that one incident. Taking another sip, he settled back in his chair, aware he was going to be there for a little longer than he had anticipated, but his professor would just have to accept that the books were out of place. “So what we studying?” He asked, trying to get a peek at the laptop screen.

• • •

TAGGED! Ruby Emily Rhodes
WORDS! 588!
LYRICS! Pretty Down To Your Bones- - - The Hush Sound
NOTES! <3

[Ruby Emily Rhodes]

Ruby worked really hard to get where she was right now. It might have seemed like nothing at all to get out of bed in the morning, shower and get dressed to go out anywhere. She woke up every morning with the fear that something would happen, and she would end up in the middle of a psychotic break on the streets of New York. She never did and her therapist said that because she was aware of that fear, it was unlikely to ever happen. She rolled out of bed after a few minutes, stretched and took her time going through her morning routine; every morning. It was a lot, and she was always very proud of herself when she was finally dressed and ready to walk out the door. She knew it seemed like nothing at all, and for most people, it wasn’t anything special. But she wasn’t just any normal girl. She’d been through a massive traumatic event that saw her watch half, if not more, of her friends get killed. It might not have happened at school, during the day but it was still a school shooting and one she’d survived simply by being nice to the awkward kid. Now she was the awkward kid. It hurt more than she was willing to admit, though she’d done so only once and never again.

The blonde wished she could be that sweet, carefree girl of her past. Despite her parent’s murder, she had still grown up to believe that life was worth living and that she shouldn’t feel sad all the time. The truth was that she was nice to everyone, even now though it had taken a lot of time to get back there, because she knew better than most that no one really knew what was going on inside someone’s head and that they deserved to be treated like a human at the very least. She didn’t want anyone to think she wasn’t a nice person. They could believe she was terribly shy, that she was a mute or just silent. Ruby didn’t really care what people thought of her anymore, just that she wasn’t a horrible human being. And now, she just wanted to get through her years of college so she could decide whether or not she wanted to continue studying to be better. She always had a job with Teddie at the shop. She had no fears of ever losing that. As long as the shop was open, Ruby had a job and knew that. Teddie was like a big sister to her and someone that the petite blonde needed in her corner when she was having a bad day. She let her work in the office, taking any online orders and doing what needed to be done. She was good with numbers so the books were easy to get through and ordering mostly happened online so she didn’t have to call anyone and stutter her way through a conversation, even if the people on the other end knew she could get tongue-tied from time to time.

Ruby wanted her degree though. She didn’t know if she wanted that doctorate, but she definitely wanted to help people who suffered the way she had. She needed to help those people to understand what took her a long time to realise. They weren’t victims of circumstance; they were survivors of trauma and were allowed to feel all the emotions that swirled inside them. They were not wrong and that they were perfect the way they were. Ruby was proud of herself for helping this guy out. Baby steps were much bigger than anyone knew for her, so she was very proud of herself and was actually excited to go into the chocolate shop and tell her boss all about it. It would be good for her to see her employee animated. Ruby smirked at what sounded like a dull checklist that needed to be checked to take books out. She nearly spit out her drink, though, when he elaborated a little bit more on why he was so afraid of the librarian. The woman she spoke to often enough was always polite to her, kind and helpful, though she’d probably been informed of Ruby’s situation. She couldn’t be the only special case in the school but because of what she’d gone through, she always felt like she was. “Oh, um…” She stuttered, her eyes, scanning the computer screen as if she needed to be reminded herself. It wasn’t something she didn’t speak about it often because those around her knew. “I want to be a grief counsellor when I grow up.” She said, quieter than she really needed to be. She wasn’t afraid and she wasn’t nervous, but she also wasn’t used to… talking much.

Tag || axel tiberius tudor
Words || 801
Music || Burning Up --Marianas Trench
Notes || <3!

[axel tiberius tudor]

Axel kept the details of his past mostly to himself. There were people out there who were worse off than himself. He had met people whose life stories read like bad soap operas, people who had been through hell and back. Then there were those who had led the dream life. Those people looked at Axel like he was some kind of charity case if they heard about the man who had abandoned his family, and Axel didn’t need or want their pity. He never understood why people felt like they needed to play therapist when they had no knowledge or skillset for it. Hell, he never understood why they wanted to play at it even when they were qualified for it. Axel’s mother would tell him to be kind, to mind his manners and not to shun kindness when people offered it to him, but Axel never wanted the sympathy of strangers. Most of the time he never really wanted it from friends either. That was why he played the joker, kept everything light and casual. It was easier than way and it stopped people from asking too many inconvenient questions.

He wasn’t closed off, in fact, Axel was probably one of the more friendly faces regularly seen around the campus, but that didn’t mean he was an open book. He had a few close friends who knew where he came from and that he was close to his mom, that he didn’t give a rat’s ass about his piss poor excuse for a father, and that he was still figuring his future out. Those friends joked that Axel would still be at NYU when their own kids enrolled at the school, and Axel wasn’t entirely sure if they were wrong. He didn’t know what the future had in store for him. He didn’t know if he would bury himself in research or find his way to teaching at some point. There were so many options and he wasn’t entirely convinced that he knew what was right for him just yet. That was why he was taking his time, doing something that paid the rent on his apartment for now while he considered his options and looked further into his possibilities. He was in no rush to make a decision – especially not when it could be one he might regret in the years to come. Axel, while certain he bore no similarities to his father, wanted to be absolutely positive that he wouldn’t make the same rash decisions in his youth that would tempt him to run away later.

Sipping from his can, Axel leaned back in the hard chair, remembering in that moment just how much he hated the long nights cramming before an exam. He had spent countless ones of them down in the library, losing track of the time as he strained his eyes over crumpled textbook pages and the dimmed screen of his laptop. He had wanted to ace every one of them so that he might stand out to his professors. Little had he known that he already did stand out, and that it wasn’t always the highest grades that they looked for. They sought out passion, searched for those who were dedicated, who would never stop looking for what science might offer humanity in the years to come. It was all well and good to know what man had already learnt from science, but it had so much more to offer, and there was so much more to the subject than memorising details already known. “It’s a noble quest.” Axel acknowledged with a slow nod of his head. “Someone always needs one.” Therapy had been suggested to him after his father had fucked off, but Axel had scoffed at the idea. He would deal with it in his own way, and while he could look back now and realise that it may not have been the healthiest way to handle his feelings. “I think I still want to be a Rockstar astronaut when I grow up.” He said, deadly serious. Axel wasn’t sure any little boy truly let go of that dream.

• • •

TAGGED! Ruby Emily Rhodes
WORDS! 695!
LYRICS! Pretty Down To Your Bones- - - The Hush Sound
NOTES! <3