• •It All Comes Crashing Down

[Cassia Jade O'Neill]

Cassia had been in the city long enough now to have made friends and have figured out her favourite places. There were still tons that she hadn’t yet been to but they weren’t on her radar so how could she have ever visited them. She knew mostly, the touristy places, the ones that were bigger and brighter than they needed to be because that was what the people from out of town were expecting to experience. She liked a couple of those places as well but she generally chose to frequent the places that weren’t as well known except by the locals. They were the places were all the excitement happened. But again, there were quite a few of those as well that Cass had yet to step foot in. As she was a student, she habitually stuck around the places closest to campus and the ones around her own neighbourhood. But she did love to explore and mapped how how she would get through each area.

Still, all that work and planning and she’d yet to make it to O’Malley’s pub. It was one her list sure, but since she was going section by section, she hadn’t gotten there yet. And then Ash asked if she wanted to join him and Ryan for a pub crawl when they’d all been cleaning up for the night. Cassia had never turned down a pub crawl since she’d started drinking and agreed easily enough. Ryan had it all set for them that planned all their stops so well there would be no need for a cab ride until the end of the night. It sounded like a good plan to Cass so she’d gone along with them, laughing at the stories they retold from the day and adding a few of her own in. She couldn’t draw worth shit but she loved tattoos as evidence proved. So finding the gig at Three Kings had been absolutely perfect for Cassia and she loved every minute she was in the shop and all the people she got to work with.

Cass had been laughing at something Ash was telling her about a regular client of his that Cass talked to herself whenever he was in. A funny guy and the stories he told had her wondering if any of it was real or utter bullshit woven together for effect. Either way, he always made her laugh. Her laughter died instantly though when they walked through the doors of the pub and Cassia’s eyes caught those of the man behind the counter. In a matter of a second her heart went to her throat and without even bothering to tell Ash what was going on, she turned tail and ran right out the door again, hoping to get away, get lost in the crowd even never find her way to O’Malley’s again. How could he be in the city! He was supposed to be living it up in London, not in New York behind a bar! Cassia could feel herself hyperventilating and had to force herself to stop and lean against the build just to the side, and right out of immediate sight. If he thought he lost her in the crowd, she might be safe where she was.

Tag || stirling morpheus cotton
Words || 572
Clothes || Scaredy Cat
Music || Photograph - - -Ed Sheeran
Notes || Enjoy! <3

[stirling morpheus cotton]

O’Malley’s was Stirling’s safe haven. He might have been the general manager but he rarely acted the part aside from signing his name on official paperwork and having an office through the back that was tiny and full of clutter. On the days and evenings he was there he was mostly at the bar, working with the rest of the staff who he considered to be his chosen family. And he called them that purely because he had the final say in whether they got to work at the Irish pub or not, and he adored the team he had there. He wasn’t really fit to be running anything, not really. His mental state still wasn’t completely well, but they helped him. They picked him up when he was going through a rough time and they covered for him when he had forgotten to do things. Perri made sure he was home in one piece and still breathing the next day after he went on a bender, and Ripper often double checked to make sure everything they needed was ordered when he put in his own order for the kitchen. It was little things, but they never seemed to complain or moan at him for the times he slipped up. It was why Stirling was so thankful to have them in his life. He didn’t really know what he would do without them.

There were too many demons in his life that Stirling wasn’t ready to confront. He had left London to avoid them and here he could just drink them away and pretend that he was just a mess. He didn’t need to listen to anyone telling him otherwise or trying to coax him into treatments or therapy again. He was scared of knowing what might be lurking in his head, worried about what might be hiding in the dark recesses of his mind. There were so many days lost not only to alcohol and whatever else he had taken back during when he had been at rock bottom, but to his own brain. He knew there was a chance he was sick, knew that he hadn’t just been heart broken when he was letting himself get scarred in fights and let wounds fester into infections, but Stirling wasn’t willing to open that door and see what was inside there. It was all too much. It was easier to blame heartache and numb everything with liquor than it was to sit with a professional and discuss everything. It was still easier to do that. The bad days came, crept up on him and he grabbed a bottle before he could think about doing anything else. Drinking himself into a stupor and calling Perri to pick him up out of the gutter was better than a therapist’s couch. She didn’t ask questions beyond ‘how’s the hangover?’, and he didn’t mind answering that one.

Tonight he was behind the bar helping keep the queues down and keep the customers entertained with the typical banter people came to expect from the staff at O’Malley’s. It was dry, it was challenging. It was everything people needed for their weekends. He was having a short break, watching Perri knock back a guy who tried to convince her to come clubbing when he happened to look up to see the crowd coming in next. That was when he spotted her and for a moment he thought he was hallucinating, that his mind was screwing with him. “No fucking way.” He said, catching Sammy’s attention for a second, though he ignored the raised eyebrows of his friend. He saw her leave and quickly took after her, pausing outside to guess where she might have gone, taking a chance to peek up the side of the building where he found her against the brick. Stirling shook his head, not really sure how he was feeling. He was shocked, but everything else was fighting against another. “It is you. What in the Baby Jesus’ name are you doing in my pub?” He asked, looking her up and down with disdain. No matter what feeling battled its way to the forefront next, this was the girl who broke him. Shattered him and everything he thought he had back in London.

• • •

TAGGED! Cassia Jade O'Neill
WORDS! 713!
OUTFIT! Bad Boy!
LYRICS! Forget - - - Marina and the Diamonds
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Cassia Jade O'Neill]

Cassia had been enjoying her time in New York. She hadn't known if she would or not, she'd only known that was where she was going to spend the next four years of her life. She had nearly two out of the way and no trouble to run home about; which was a lovely step up from her time abroad. It had been a stupid move on her part, to be sure but she'd never been in that situation before and it had scared the life right out of her. Her first instincts had been to run to sort it all out on her own and by the time she'd realised that had been the stupid move, she was already back on American soil and felt too foolish to go back and explain herself. Her parents said she should take some time anyway, sort it all out a little more, really make sure she knew what she was feeling. At the time, Cassia had just sighed, called them bloody hippies in the most loving way possible and hugged them both. It had always been how they were with each other and being how had been exactly what Cassia had needed when she'd been so completely overwhelmed with her emotions. Realising she loved someone should have brought her closer to that man but she'd never felt that way before about anyone at all and it had scared the blonde more than she had been willing to let on.

So instead of confronting everything and making a proper go of it all, she ran as far away as she could, not looking back until it was too late to do anything about it. To figure out she was upset he had followed her annoyed her beyond belief as well. Especially considering she had only just realised she loved him, hadn't told him and just left! She couldn't expect Stirling to be a bloody mind reader but at the same time, she had hoped he'd figure it all out and run after her. It was expecting too much and she knew that but it had never stopped her from wanting it all the same. Eventually it became too much to be home, surrounded by everything she could have had but ran away from. So she ran again but this time, she'd run towards her education and not some extreme adventure like the first time.

Cass had gotten over the fact that she hadn't gone back to London, nor did Stirling chase after her. He hadn't known and she felt too awkward about going back. She still loved him, he was her first love but that didn't mean she'd go back to him anymore. She was too embarrassed. And then seeing him the bar brought all those thoughts and memories and that embarrassed rush of red to her face. She wanted to go on with the rest of her life having him be her biggest regret. She could deal with having one regret at the end of it all. It would be the sole thing that haunted her on her death bed because she'd never stayed and told the truth, she'd never gone back either. That was how it was supposed to be but he was in New York and she knew sooner or later, they would run into each other again.

She had hoped it would be longer than the thirty seconds it took to rush out of the building and around its side! But she didn't have a lick of luck with situations like these it seemed because he caught her, holding up the side of his pub within seconds. "I'm not in your pub." She pointed out with as much sarcasm as she could muster; which given her personality, was quite a bit. She didn't want him to see that she was hurting inside seeing him in her city nor that she was beyond pissed off at seeing him standing there, looking at her like she was something he'd stepped in. Of course, she also had absolutely no clue what she'd put him through by leaving the way she had. But she felt it was too late now to tell him the truth. So instead, she was keeping mum and letting her sarcastic nature run wild and free.

Tag || stirling morpheus cotton
Words || 717
Clothes || Scaredy Cat
Music || Photograph - - -Ed Sheeran
Notes || Enjoy! <3

[stirling morpheus cotton]

Stirling could have done so much with his life. In London he had a good job; the kind that forced him into a suit for a couple of hours, but paid well enough to compensate for how much he disliked ties. It was the type of start-up position that would have definitely opened doors for him, led to bigger and better things and settled him with a career for life. He had a head for figures and numbers, so while he never looked the part of a man who worked in economics and finance, he was certainly a man who had the mental faculties for it. Plus, he had enjoyed it. It was like a puzzle for him to wrap his head around some days. It was all a thing of the past now though. The only accounts he needed to look at were those for O’Malley’s and they were straightforward and simple. His life in London had gone up in smoke, the possibilities turned to ashes when Cassia had left and Stirling had started falling down that deep, dark hole, the light at the top getting fainter and fainter until it was ultimately snuffed out by a whiskey bottle and a bar fight.

New York had offered him bright lights and hope. He was never going to be that man again. No one would see him on Wall Street, donning a suit and greeting the early morning commute with coffee and a paper. These days Stirling wasn’t out of bed until noon at the earliest. His life was not what he had expected it to be five years ago, and the bar was essentially his crutch. Odd, really when it was the drinks they served that had contributed to the demons in his mind. It was all he had now though. The bar and those who were in it were his friends and his life now. They got him through each day without any nasty surprises for the most part, which was what Stirling needed if he wanted to keep his head on straight.

None of them could save him from this though. There wasn’t a soul on the planet who could save him from his ex-girlfriend showing up at his pub, reminding him of all the feelings he had worked hard to bury. Now she stood there, dry witted and acting like there should be nothing wrong between them. “Don’t be like that. Don’t take everything so fucking literally. I can’t handle that right now.” Stirling could barely handle her standing in front of him, but he needed to know that this wasn’t his mind giving him another clue that he was absolutely crazy after all. “What deity thought this would be fucking funny? Because I’m not laughing. I never wanted to see you again after what you did to me.” He told her bluntly, walking away just enough to keep the space between them. There was so much he wanted to say, and at the same time he just wanted to walk away and leave her there. Stirling wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear what she had to say. He didn’t know if he wanted to sit through those excuses.

• • •

TAGGED! Cassia Jade O'Neill
WORDS! 538!
OUTFIT! Bad Boy!
LYRICS! Forget - - - Marina and the Diamonds
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Cassia Jade O'Neill]

For all her bravado and sass, Cassia was a coward. And the worst part of it all was that she knew it. She ran away from what could have been a great thing because she'd been petrified of her feelings for Sterling. She had no reason for the fear of course, her parents loved each other, they were ridiculously romantic about it as well. Even her siblings were in sweet relationships that honestly made Cass break out into a cold sweat. She had been raised surrounded by love and affection so why she was so terrified of having that same committed journey with someone, was absolutely beyond her. Case just knew she had needed some air when she realized that was exactly what she'd been in back in England. It had been so overwhelming. She hadn't been able to breathe, her vision got all blurry and and all she could think was that she needed to go out.

And then she packed what she had and found herself on her parent’s doorstep with a sob story that only made her cry harder because she spent the entire flight wishing she hadn't left but knowing it was too late to go back now. Her parents didn't understand what she had been feeling and once again, Cass felt overwhelmed with everything and needed to escape again. And this time because she couldn't face going back to London, she chose another major metropolitan city; New York. Cassia thought she would be safe from having to deal with her feelings and what she'd done to Sterling. She had a very creative imagination, she could guess what she had done to him. Just as much as she could hope that her stories were over dramatic and That he'd actually found someone worthy of his attention. Not in a million years had she thought they'd both fins themselves in the big apple. It felt like some cruel joke the fates were playing on her, on them both.

It was all bullshit, she had been selfish in fleeing from her emotions. And she couldn't say how many times she wanted to kick herself for fucking up what could have been her happily ever after. Then again, Cassia was the black sheep of the family. She wasn't a vegan hippie. She liked a juicy steak, she liked her tattoos and she didn't believe everything her parents did. They were spiritual and Cassia enjoyed cold, hard facts. Cassia snorted instead of giving Stirling a response to that. She was pretty sure it was a rhetorical rant anyway. The worst part of it all though, was that Cassia knew she deserved this and so much more. There was a reason she hadn’t allowed herself to get on another plane and find her way back to London when it was all she had wanted to do. She hated herself for what she’d done, for how she’d run away like that. She was mad at Stirling for not loving her enough to hunt her down but that was also on her, not him. “Do I look amused to you?” She asked, finally daring to look up at the man she loved. All those feelings came rushing back and they overwhelmed Cassia. But she was made of tougher stuff and instead of falling to his feet to cry and spill the truth, she steeled her spine and kept her mouth shut; mostly. “What the bloody hell are you doing here anyway?” She countered, completely ignoring the jab at her.

Tag || stirling morpheus cotton
Words || 586
Clothes || Scaredy Cat
Music || Photograph - - -Ed Sheeran
Notes || Enjoy! <3

[stirling morpheus cotton]

Stirling’s past was a dark place, and he didn’t want to think about it. He chose not to think about it as often as he could. He didn’t speak to his brother or sister as much as they wanted him to because of how it reminded him of the things he wanted to forget. Whenever he did steel himself for their calls, it was always the same empty promise to do better, but they all knew he couldn’t. Artie had stopped pushing the matter, but his sister lived in hope that one day Stirling would change back into the man who had looked after them when they had been just kids. Fern had fond memories of him always being there, and she struggled to accept that he was broken beyond repair now. He might be glued back together, but there were still cracks in façade, and chips that could never be filled in. Let them play pretend a little while longer though. One day he hoped she would have a life with more fulfilment than whether her brother would call this week or the next. His sister still had a promising future and he wouldn’t let her waste it worrying about him.

He was resigned to the mess that he was, even if he was in denial about the extent of it sometimes. Stirling doubted he would ever be close to the man he was a few years ago, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be that man again. Yes, that man didn’t drown himself in a bottle after a bad day, but being that suited number man again would only remind him of the world he had lost. Stirling didn’t want to sit in an office comparing one life to another, weighing up the pros and cons side by side. He would rather accept his fate, reluctantly know that he had his problems, and try to muddle through what he had now. Stirling would say something completely different a week later, wishing things were the opposite again, but that was just part of how unstable his thoughts could be nowadays. When he was particularly bad, he wanted everything to change, but when he was good he was content to fight for his own survival.

Stirling shot Cassia a dark look. He didn’t want to hear her speak, listen to her sass or pay attention to her humour. Part of him wanted to scream, yell, and tear her apart for what she put him through. He wanted to cause her as much pain as she had caused him. He wanted her world to fall apart just like his had done after she left him in London. Then, maybe then, he might consider them on equal footing again. Stirling didn’t think he could forgive her though; maybe not ever. “What did it look like I was doing? I run the damn joint!” He shouted, his anger still apparent as he ran his fingers through his messy, knotted hair. His fingers caught in the knots that matted his unruly curls in the longer lengths, and he winced as he ripped them free.

• • •

TAGGED! Cassia Jade O'Neill
WORDS! 524!
OUTFIT! Bad Boy!
LYRICS! Forget - - - Marina and the Diamonds
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Cassia Jade O'Neill]

Cassia wasn't exactly proud of what she'd done and how she'd returned to America. The situation was the only thing she ever wished she could take back and do differently. Hell, if she'd gone about it the right way, she might not have returned at all. Or might have all been the same, except different. She didn't know and she really did hate herself for doing what she did. It had been the actions of a scared little girl and not the independent woman Cassia thought herself to be. And it was not fair to Stirling to leave with barely a note. She should have done something after she'd left, called or wrote another letter but she'd been feeling foolish and stupid and by then had talked herself into believing she'd ben doing him a favour by leaving him. She'd been doing no one any favours though. Cassia had been depressed and had barely left her room when she'd returned. For the first month at least, one of her parents were bringing up her meals to her so she wouldn't starve, even if she barely touched the wonderful meals they'd put together for her.

Leaving home again for school had helped but there still wasn't a day that went by that she didn't think of Stirling and what she'd done to him. Meeting him and falling for him had been the best things that had ever happened to her and leaving him had been the stupidest; her biggest, and only, regret. New York had been good for her though. She'd made new friends and though she still wasn't up to dating, she had those friends offering to set her up nearly every weekend. Cass had never told anyone what really brought her to New York. She simply told them all that she was there for school, she wanted to finish up her education and then who really knew where she would find herself. Eventually she would collect her degrees and possibly even a PhD in ancient civilizations, or maybe medieval civilizations; she just had to decide how specific she was going to get and in which field. She still had some time, which meant she would sticking around for a bit longer.

She had hoped that meant she would have more time, like forever, to come to terms with what she'd done to Stirling. Maybe, in a few more years, she would return to London and ring up Stirling. At least, that had been a potential plan. But he was in New York and not at all the same man she remembered and still held dear to her heart; though she was not at all ready to admit to that! The man she remembered had that unruly mop of dark hair and those piercing eyes but the man she remembered was always laughing and had a career going for him. She'd been the odd thing in the equation that was his life. She had never really understood how she fit into the mix. Then again, she'd never really put much thought into it until she realised she loved him and scared the ever living shit out of herself in the process. The man in front of her now though was sad, she could see it in his eyes and knew without a doubt that she'd done that to him. He was also a bit thinner but no one would have been able to tell that except for her probably. "But…" Cassia started to ask why he was running a pub and not some fortune 500 company except she already knew the answer to that. "Why New York?" She asked instead after a moment's pause.

Tag || stirling morpheus cotton
Words || 614
Clothes || Scaredy Cat
Music || Photograph - - -Ed Sheeran
Notes || Enjoy! <3

[stirling morpheus cotton]

Stirling didn’t know who he was. Once upon a time he had been a career guy. He made good money, had a future for himself, but now he looked like he could cause trouble or wake up on a stranger’s couch. There was no way he could look in the mirror and see the face of the man he had once been. That guy had gone. He wasn’t coming back. Stirling didn’t want to be this mess for the rest of his life though. As thankful as he was for Perri picking him up and making sure he wasn’t about to ruin what he had going at O’Malley’s, he didn’t want the bubbly Londoner to have to continue doing that for him. He wanted to be responsible for himself again. Stirling had earned this management job at the bar, but that didn’t mean he was completely okay again. He was still totally messed up, but this was better than what he had left behind in London. O’Malley’s was something to get out of bed for, and it gave his mind something good to focus on. Numbers and business was one thing Stirling was honestly good at. Working on the admin work for the busy pub kept him from slipping further away from his sanity, and it gave him something to come back to when he did lose control for a night or two here and there.

When he left London he didn’t know where he’d end up. A part of him thought he’d end up back in that grimy city before long, but instead he had stopped travelling once he touched down in New York. It wasn’t part of some grand plan, but rather it was just how the chips fell for him. His siblings had been surprised and worried when he told them he was staying in another huge city on his own. He couldn’t blame them for being concerned after the state he had ended up in back in England and how he had ran away before he had actually received the help that had been recommended to him. In truth, Stirling didn’t want someone to tell him that he was mentally fragile, that there was actually something broken in his mind that made him the way he was. He didn’t want to spend his life on a cocktail of pills. Most of all he didn’t want to have an excuse for when he slipped. He felt like it would be too easy to forgive his actions if there was a condition. Without that he could only blame himself, his own fucked up reasons and he felt it was easier to live with that guilt and shame.

Right now though Stirling kind of hoped this was his mind playing tricks on him. He hoped this was a grand hallucination come to mess with him. He knew better than to believe that, but that didn’t stop him from wishing. At least if it was some trick of the mind he could accept he was a screwed up mess, but it would be less painful than accepting his past was right here in New York coming to haunt him. “I could ask you the same bloody question.” There were a lot of questions Stirling wanted to ask Cassia, but the last thing he felt like he owed her was explanations. She had left him with none, so he wasn’t about to give her what she wanted either.

• • •

TAGGED! Cassia Jade O'Neill
WORDS! 579!
OUTFIT! Bad Boy!
LYRICS! Forget - - - Marina and the Diamonds
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Cassia Jade O'Neill]

Cassia didn't want to think about all the night's she cried herself to sleep over the stupid stunt she'd pulled back in London. She shed so many tears, she was positive she could have filled a swimming pool; a small one at least. Her parents weren't really of any help and she'd known the second the plane touched down in Massachusetts that she'd made the biggest and absolute worst mistake of her entire life. But she couldn't turn around and go back, no matter how much she'd wanted to. For one, she hadn't had the money to do so and for another her brother had been sitting there waiting for her outside the baggage claim. He would have understood her need to return, he was just as hippy-dippy as their parents, would have loved to tell her love story to the rest of their family but she'd been too ashamed at that point.

By the time she'd figured out what she wanted, she knew it was too late and that not turning right back around and heading back to London would be her one greatest regret. She had chosen then to not have another regret on her heart. It was too unbearable to have the one, to constantly think about picking up the phone and dialing the mobile number she knew off by heart, still. She hadn't looked at Facebook, mostly because she never used the social media outlet, because seeing how he'd gotten on with his life had been too heartbreaking to imagine. Because of course, she had imagined he'd gotten over her, thought her some stupid American and had gotten on with his life, met a pretty British woman, maybe even gotten married by now, had a kid even. She didn't want to think about him being happy without her because she felt like a part of her was missing every second of every day.

She was making it work because she had too. It was too late to fly across the world to profess her mistakes and her love. At least, she thought she had to travel the globe for that. If she'd known he was in the same damn city as her, she might have considered it. Maybe; though it was unlikely. Hell, she was positive the only way he would have found out she still loved him was after she polished off a bottle of tequila. And she was pretty sure she was giving up alcohol after this. Cassia closed her eyes, leaned back against the building and took a deep, calming breath. She could feel the hysterical laughter trying to work its way up her throat but she forced it away as she let out the breath again. "Touché." She conceded. "I'm at school." She told him, unable to help herself. She'd always been able to talk to Stirling. It had always come so easy. In hindsight, it had been so easy to easy why and even when she'd fallen for him. "So... Your turn." She said, finally opening her eyes and looking up at him. For all she'd known, he had walked away and she would be talking to air but he'd still been there and for a fraction of a nanosecond, Cassia caught herself wondering if he still cared about her, too.

Tag || stirling morpheus cotton
Words || 550
Clothes || Scaredy Cat
Music || Photograph - - -Ed Sheeran
Notes || Enjoy! <3

[stirling morpheus cotton]

Stirling had fallen apart in London after Cassia left. He knew that and he could admit that, but he wasn’t willing to talk about it. That would open doors to things he wasn’t willing to consider or admit. He had fallen so far from the man he had been, and while he had found happiness now in O’Malley’s pub and the small family he had there, it was still shameful for him to think about all that he had and all that he had lost. What Stirling hated most of all was that this all started with a girl, even if that girl was one he thought might have been the love of his life. He felt as though it made everything seem even more foolish and inexplicable than it already was. Throw in the idea that Cassia’s vanishing act was just the trigger for an underlying mental disorder? The very thought sent shivers down Stirling’s spine. It was the very stuff his nightmares were made of. He liked to think that the less he thought about it the more likely it was to be false. Doctors weren’t always right, after all. They didn’t have to be right this time.

In his head it all came back to his mother. She had taken her own life out of grief. Never once had Stirling known his mum to seek out help in the years that followed his dad’s death. She kept it all to herself, internalised her grief, and even shut out her kids. Stirling hadn’t been able to help his mum and when doctors brought up her suicide in reference to his possible own struggle with mental illness. It wasn’t something he had ever thought about before then, but he didn’t want to mar his memories of the woman who raised him by blaming her for his own broken brain. It would be too easy. It would also be unfair. She had done her best for her children. Stirling didn’t want her legacy to be that a broken heart had led her to take her own life.

Blaming Cassia, however, was something entirely different. She had shattered his heart and Stirling couldn’t understand what he had done wrong to make her run like she had. Finding answers was as impossible as providing her with forgiveness. He had fallen so far, and while he shouldered a lot of the blame himself he couldn’t stop thinking that none of it would have happened without Cassia fleeing from him like she did. Stirling pushed back his matted, knotted hair before kicking the brick wall with the toe of his shoe. He was confused and annoyed. He didn’t understand what deity might have found this entertaining, but it was tearing a hole in his chest. “I left London. Ended up here. Found a pub.” Stirling didn’t want to reveal that he had ran from a psychiatric appointment, or that he had lost everything after she abandoned him. He didn’t want her to know the mess of a man he had become without her.

• • •

TAGGED! Cassia Jade O'Neill
WORDS! 511!
OUTFIT! Bad Boy!
LYRICS! Forget - - - Marina and the Diamonds
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Cassia Jade O'Neill]

Cassia O'Neil had at one point considered herself a strong, resilient young woman with a lust for adventure and the need to see the world around her. She had thought nothing on her travels would shock or surprise her. And then she met Stirling and fell for him. She'd thought she was ready for any adventure and she would have been right except Cassia had let her anxiety, something she'd never had beforehand, get the better of her and if she could take it all back, she would have in a heartbeat. Instead, she'd thought she would hide away more, give up on her own dreams and do something really crazy, get a real, proper job and get herself a university degree. Maybe figure out a way to reach Stirling again. If she'd known he was in the same city, she might have done something sooner rather than stumble into his bar with her coworkers!

Cass sighed, running her fingers through her hair. "You know what, I really can't do this." She said, pushing off from the wall and starting down the street. She could absolutely not be around Stirling before she opened her mouth and confessed it all to him. She wanted him to hate her because then he wouldn't look back at it all and realise she'd been a scared little girl who'd run back to her mommy and daddy to hide away from the world she hadn't been ready to live in yet. Too bad she actually realised once she was back home that Stirling and the life they'd had in London had been exactly what she'd been after and what she'd been ready for. Her heart broke all over again once she'd gotten over her little thing.

She had known she could have called or gone back and made up some story about a family member in trouble, that she'd forgotten in her haste to leave a note and that she hadn't wanted to burden him with the whole thing, especially since she hadn't actually explained her family dynamic to him. But that hadn't been how she'd been raised. Lies were useless things only to be told to small children to keep home alive; like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. They weren't for serious things like she'd had a panic attack and how "normal" her life had gotten and it freaked her out. It was ridiculous but nevertheless true. "I won't come back here, I promise," she called out, unaware if he was even still anywhere near her. He could have turned on his heel and gone right back to the bar he apparently ran.

Tag || stirling morpheus cotton
Words || 440
Clothes || Scaredy Cat
Music || Photograph - - -Ed Sheeran
Notes || Enjoy! <3