Concrete Heartache • •

[casper tracy hastings]

Casper never thought he’d be in New York City for any other reason than to visit Hadley, or to maybe take a vacation from his normal life. Yet here he was, apartment of his own in the lower east side of the city. Each morning came with the same breathless start, a struggle for air as Casper dragged himself from his bed, tousled hair falling into his dark eyes as he forced one foot in front of the other to the bathroom. He needed to keep moving, keep fighting through the morning routine as best as he could or else he didn’t know what the point would be. His new cardiologist had brought him hope when he had first met her, but like with all good doctors there was a waiting list. Well, that wasn’t quite right. Doctor Kincaid insisted on getting to know him as a patient first for herself, rather than rely solely on the medical records that had come with him from Sweden. He supposed it made sense, but it delayed his surgery a little, and it meant more tired mornings during which he struggled to make his lungs work.

He still had a few weeks before Kincaid had scheduled him for surgery. It was a few more weeks of huffing and puffing through life for him, but until then it was going to feel like each day was another chore. He was supposed to be taking life easy, relaxing as much as possible, but there was only so much Casper could do before he started driving himself mad. Even with all the books he owned and had bought since moving to the city just a few short weeks before he still felt like there was nothing to do; reading wasn’t enough of an escape. He wanted to be out there in the real world. It was a hellish enough job right now getting his grocery shopping done and keeping his place looking like it was habitable, but he wanted more. He missed working. It gave him a reason to get up in the mornings and set an alarm each day. He wanted all of that back in his life. Casper didn’t enjoy putting everything on hold just so a doctor could cut him open and play operation with his insides.

He knew he had to tell Hadley, maybe even their parents, before his surgery, but he didn’t want to worry anyone or have them fussing over him. Casper hadn’t enjoyed that treatment when he was sick as a kid and he didn’t want it again now. He knew he couldn’t ignore it, and people wouldn’t buy that he was travelling when there were no photographs and when he had left with a rather chronic ‘chest infection’. Still, the young man didn’t want to think about any of that and he kept pushing those thoughts out of his mind each time they crept up on him. It probably wasn’t the greatest solution, but Casper didn’t want to face up to them. He couldn’t stare at his apartment walls any longer, so decided to get dressed and head out into the city. He noticed he had moved down another button hole on his belt; weight loss another symptom of his tumour. Sighing, Casper ignored it and let his top fall over the loose jeans, thankful it was baggy enough to hide his skinnier than usual frame. No one would know he used to be much sturdier than this several months ago; not in a city where everyone was a stranger to him. He grabbed his coat and keys and moved towards Central Park. Casper didn’t know the city too well, and he didn’t want to get lost and stray too far from his apartment in case he took a bad turn. He found himself coming across the Boathouse just before lunch hour, and heading inside he was led to a seat by the window. The view of the park was stunning, but Casper could only really focus on catching his breath as he looked over the menu, trying to decide what to order. He wasn't all that hungry, his appetite waned with his illness, but he knew he needed to eat something to keep his strength up. His health was his priority above all things right now.

• • •

TAGGED! Hadley Bronwyn Hastings
WORDS! 683!
OUTFIT! Cold Casper!
LYRICS! Mayday - - - The Icarus Account
NOTES! <3

[Hadley Bronwyn Hastings]

When Hadley had moved to New York, she hadn’t been entirely sure if she would love it or not. It was ridiculous considering how much fashion moved through the big apple but she was a small fish in a great big pond. There had always been the possibility that she would fail miserably and have to return to Sweden. Thankfully that hadn’t been the case and now after only a short time, she was making a name for herself at the Theatre and she found a place, even if it was only a couple days a week at the university, teaching those students the proper way to do things because their previous teacher hadn’t had a single clue what she was talking about. It drove Hadley a little crazy when she saw people acting like they knew what they were doing when it was painfully obvious they didn’t. Of course, when it came to her work, she was quite the perfectionist. She wouldn’t wear something that was poorly put together so she didn’t expect others to either.

So it was a good thing she had Cheshire around to tell her to cool it when she got into fixing mode. She swore she had some form of OCD sometimes, especially when she got in one of those moods where everything was wrong and she needed to fix it all. Unfortunately for her when it happened and no one was around, it usually ended up with her remaking whatever it was she was trying to fix because there was just no hope for it. Thank God that didn't happen often, she made enough clothes without having to fix everything else in her wardrobe! Or add to her friend's wardrobes; she did that enough, too. Then again, it usually led to shopping trips where she added some new shoes and accessories to her already overflowing wardrobe.

In all honesty, she would probably go crazy without her best friend around at work, constantly barging in on her and telling her they needed to go out. Retail therapy was even better when it was actually part of the job description. And explained what they were doing out when they probably should have been in their respective departments back at the Theatre, doing actual work. But Hadley needed materials and a specific button she would probably have to get custom made and Cheshire had said she needed something as well, though she had been vague. The pair were talking about the male lead for the upcoming play, Hadley bitching about how difficult he was with the colour schemes she'd chosen and Cheshire mentioned his dislike of the couch she'd picked out for the set. "I think he might be colour blind." Hadley said with a sigh, turning her attention to the window of The Boathouse as they passed by.

She turned back to Cheshire when she added her ideas to what she'd first said but stopped when she realised she thought she'd seen something familiar beyond the window of the restaurant. She turned her attention back to the window and really looked inside before reaching for the door and stepping inside, moving quickly through the restaurant to her little brother. "Casper." She said, crossing her arms over her. "Vad i hela friden gör du här?!" She asked, switching to her native tongue as easily as she designed costumes. Her brother should have been back home with his friends and their family. He shouldn't have been in New York where he knew no one but her and especially since he hadn't said a damn word about even thinking about visiting and they spoke often enough!

Tag ||casper tracy hastings
Words || 608
Clothes || Annoyed Sister
Music || Seasons of Love --RENT
Notes || <3

[casper tracy hastings]

Cas knew that eventually he would have to tell his family about his health problems, but he didn’t want them to worry when he didn’t even know what was going to happen to him. He had serious surgery coming up in the near future, and the risks were certainly high. There was a lot he didn’t know how to tell them, least of all Hadley. He knew he had to think of something though; his travelling excuse wasn’t going to last forever when he was holed up in New York indefinitely. He was still waiting on a date for his surgery, and then if he pulled through there was the recovery time to consider. Cas was expecting to see at least another two seasons in New York City, whether he liked the place or not by then. He also knew that before then he would probably have to speak to his sister. If he didn’t reach out to her then his parents would tell Hadley where he was and she’d only ask the difficult questions then.

Cas just didn’t want to intrude on the life she had already built for herself in the city. She had a job, friends, and every time they spoke he knew how much she loved it there now. He didn’t want to come along and be the little brother she had to worry about and care for. Cas didn’t want to interfere with her life and ruin any chances she might have. He wasn’t so stupid as to think that he would never have to tell her the truth, but he wanted to try and find a way of dealing with all of this without burdening anyone else. That was all he was really worried about; becoming an inconvenience in the life of someone he loved, like his sister. His cardiology problems were a big deal and he knew that the moment he mentioned them his family were likely to drop everything to fuss over him and take care of him. Cas didn’t want that. He didn’t want to be the focus of their lives, even temporarily, and even if he could really do with the support.

He was finally getting ready to settle on something to eat, his breathing regulated now and his mind a little more focused. The only thing left for him to do was decide between the chicken panini or the barbecue pulled pork sandwich for his lunch. At the sound of his name, and Hadley’s familiar voice, Cas nearly jumped a mile out of his seat, eyes wide, menu falling flat on the table top. “Hadley! Vad gör du här?” He threw the question back at her, too shocked to say anything else. His shock only intensified when the auburn haired girl walked in shouting her head off in Hadley’s direction. “I’m halfway down the path chattering about the quality of the ass on the director’s new PA and you’ve ran off on me. Why, may I ask, would you do that?” Cas was desperately wishing that the ground could open up wide and swallow him whole right now. Of all the ways he had envisioned meeting up with Hadley in New York, this was not even close to one of them.

• • •

TAGGED! Hadley Bronwyn Hastings
WORDS! 546!
OUTFIT! Cold Casper!
LYRICS! Mayday - - - The Icarus Account
NOTES! <3

[Hadley Bronwyn Hastings]

Hadley had confessed her concerns, worries and doubts to Casper before she’d made the decision to move there. He had been the main reason at the end of it all that she had decided it was a good choice for her. If he hadn’t been on board with it, Hadley knew she wouldn’t have been able to leave him behind. They were more than siblings, they were friends, too. Every major decision Hadley had ever made, she’d made after a conference with Casper. They had those little conferences ever since they’d been small. Of course back then, they had been about silly things and not the life altering choices of schools, locations or serious moves leaving an ocean between them. She hated that she was so far away from him, that she couldn’t just call out or call him up and demand they go for coffee so she can be a proper nosy big sister. She was less than a year older than him but she refused to let him live that down. He was easily a head taller and definitely smarter than she was but she was older and that was what mattered in her teasing.

Hadley had always felt like she and Casper had been close. She didn’t have any secrets from him and she’d thought he was the same way. They spoke often over Skype but it really just wasn’t the same. She was making due and she found a friend in Cheshire who helped ease the pain of not having her brother around to help her with her serious choices. She could run to the other woman with her ideas and thoughts and concerns and after she teased the Swedish girl, she did help her out. Cheshire was certainly no Casper but there were pros and cons to every situation and though she absolutely loved the other woman, she was no replacement for her brother.

“Uh, Jag bor här.” She said blandly. Seeing Casper in New York was probably the one thing Hadley wouldn’t have expected in a million years; especially without notification. And the shock of seeing her brother through the window of the Boathouse, she’d completely forgotten about Cheshire walking and talking away and she detoured into the restaurant to confront the man that should be on the other side of the planet. “Cheshire. Meet Casper, my brother.” She said with a sigh as she ran her fingers through the pieces of hair that were visible under her slouchy winter hat. “Hur länge har du varit här?” She asked, remembering belatedly that Cheshire was standing next to her. “I mean, how long have you been here?” She asked again in English for Cheshire’s sake.

Tag ||casper tracy hastings
Words || 477
Clothes || Annoyed Sister
Music || Seasons of Love --RENT
Notes || <3

[casper tracy hastings]

Casper never liked people worrying about him. In the past it had always been an unnecessary worry. Before all of this the worst he had ever done was broken his arm when he was twelve. He’d been playing hockey with some friends when a fight had broken out and although Cas hadn’t been involved, he had ended up getting trodden on when he tried to break it up and had instead been knocked over. It wasn’t a bad break, but it was still annoying. His family had fussed over him plenty then, worrying about him and asking if he was okay when they saw him taking his time was something. He had to keep telling them that it was quite hard to be quick when half of his arm was encased in plaster! Then, Cas supposed that was family. They fussed and worried and only wanted the best. That was why he absolutely couldn’t let them know about his heart. They’d rush around him and question everything he did. They would drive him absolutely crazy in the best way while at the same time worrying themselves sick over something they could never control.

They weren’t Gods; they couldn’t undo what was happening inside his chest. The only person who could help him was Doctor Kincaid, as tactless as she might seem when he spoke to her. He wondered if maybe there was a cultural barrier there he couldn’t cross, or if she really was as blunt and as forward with all of her patients. At least she didn’t lie to him. He knew his chances and the honesty of what was to come. All he needed from her now was to finish her testing and give him a date for surgery. He knew it was asking too much to make it that far without someone getting too suspicious or having to tell Hadley or his parents. Still, Casper was currently clinging to that hope for just a little while longer.

Or at least he was. He sat blinking for a second, trying to find some answer that could make this all go away again, but there was none, and he was smart enough not to lie to his big sister. “Detsamma…” He admitted, cringing as he waited for Hadley’s response to his confession. He managed a small, awkward smile at Cheshire, but she just stared between the two with a bewildered expression on her face. Then she grabbed a chair from a nearby table and sat down at it. “I’m sensing this might take a while.” She said dryly, crossing her legs and getting comfortable. Then the attention was back on Casper and he knew he was out of excuses, and time. “A…a month. Give or take. Maybe.” He mumbled, looking down at the table and suddenly feeling rather unwell. Although this time he knew it had nothing to do with his heart; it was entirely to do with this situation and the earful he knew he was about to receive from his sister.

• • •

TAGGED! Hadley Bronwyn Hastings
WORDS! 510!
OUTFIT! Cold Casper!
LYRICS! Mayday - - - The Icarus Account
NOTES! <3