Heart of Me • •

[imogen katelyn rose lancaster]

Freddie was Imogen’s world now. He was four weeks old and everything the blonde woman did was centred around him. Motherhood was far more exhausting than Imogen was expecting it to be, and she was already expecting it to be hellish long before Freddie was actually in her arms. Now he was actually here though everything was about diapers, bottles and trying to catch some sleep whenever he was sleeping. It wasn’t always possible though; she still had an apartment to maintain and a life to live. Her refrigerator had run close to empty twice since she had come home, and her apartment had resembled a scene from the apocalypse only the week before with laundry and dishes piling up just about everywhere because she had tossed them wherever she could, too tired to deal with them at that point. Christmas was here though now and Imogen was trying to force herself to get into a routine once more. She told herself that she had allowed plenty of time for a slip during this adjustment period and now it was time to get herself back on track. It was easier said than done and maybe the holidays weren’t the best of times to go about trying to sort herself out.

It was the first Christmas ever that she was spending away from her parents and brother. That alone was enough to feel like a punch in the gut, even if the decision to be so far from them was a decision she had made by herself. Freddie was far too young to enjoy the magic of the season and while she and her other closest friends in the city had bought her little boy treats for the twenty-fifth, she knew the only thing he would be interested in was milk when he was hungry. Imogen had lied when Fallon had asked her about her holiday plans. She made up some story about having something arranged to celebrate being free of the giant bump that had gotten in the way for the last couple of months, and some time with Freddie. The truth was, Immy had nothing planned. For the two days before Christmas she didn’t leave her apartment aside from when she took Pippa for a walk, which was only a short trip to the dog park and then home again. The plan was the same for Christmas Day. Immy didn’t even have anything in for a meal and she was a woman who enjoyed cooking. Being alone she didn’t really want to think of it as a festive time of year. She had put up a small tree in the corner of the open plan apartment, but that was about as far as she had gone this year. When Freddie was a little older and able to understand more, then Immy would change her tune, but this Christmas was rather bittersweet for the twenty-four year old. She missed her family, but was thankful for her perfect little boy.

Said little boy was currently sleeping in his nursery, just down after a bottle. Immy, tired after being up with him for a portion of the night, glanced at the clock on the mantle and sighed. It was barely gone lunch and she just wanted to sleep. She was still in her pyjamas, a ratty old pair, and a sweater that had some spit up on from the night before. She had been too tired to care and still was. Falling back onto the couch she put the baby monitor on the coffee table and then leaned back against the cushions, closing her eyes. Maybe she could catch a bit of sleep while Freddie was doing the same. Heaven knows she needed it. Immy was just on the brink of dreaming when a knock at the door snapped her back to reality. Blinking, forcing herself awake again, she groaned tiredly and pushed herself up. Figuring it was a neighbour since she wasn’t expecting anyone else, Immy took her time shuffling to the door in her fluffy socks, running her fingers through her wild, matted curls. She didn’t remember the last time she actually styled them now; they had been left to do as they pleased for a few days and the results had been knots and tangles that she dreaded taking a brush to. Pulling the door open she blinked in surprise at who was on the other side of the heavy wood. “Benji?! What are you doing here?” She asked, confused at his arrival and horrified that he should see her in such a state. She might have ruled out any chance of a romantic relationship now, but she still knew when she was attracted to someone and this was the last way she wanted to look to them. “I mean, Merry Christmas.” She said placing her hand for her forehead, finding herself before she made herself look even worse in front of the handsome drama professor.

• • •

TAGGED! Benjamin Parker Hamilton
WORDS! 801!
OUTFIT! Tired Mommy!
LYRICS! All I Need - - Within Temptation
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Benjamin Parker Hamilton]

Benji had been trying to give Imogen some space since the baby was born whilst still being around to help her out from time to time. It was a big change, he understood that but he also knew that people needed help, even when they swore up and down that they didn’t. He wanted to be there for Imogen and Freddie but at the same time, he didn’t want to crowd or overstep. So he visited for a couple hours so Imogen could do whatever she needed to do and left again. He didn’t worry when she fell asleep in the middle of a sentence or used his shoulder for a pillow. He was there to help. He didn’t mind taking care of Freddie while his mom got a few minutes of shut eye. He was good with kids and Freddie was a breeze to care for. Plus, Benji knew Fallon was around quite a bit, often stealing the baby away for an entire day so mommy dearest could catch up on the sleep she was missing out on and do whatever else needed to be done.

They say it takes a village to raise a child. Benji didn’t know how much truth that saying held but he was doing his best to help out. And it was the holidays where every stress level went up a few degrees. His sister and her family were taking off for the holidays, a trip he’d been invited on as well. But he’d turned them down, telling them they should have a proper family holiday; something that got him yelled at for well over an hour by not only his sister but his niece and nephew as well. He was as much their family as their parents were. So he told them what he had planned and though Clara warned him, she also thought it a sweet plan so didn’t give him as much trouble afterwards. Having children was a messy business, especially when they were young and you didn’t have much help. Clara had been lucky. She’d had Logan and his parents and even though Benji had been young, he’d been there to help out, too. Immy had himself and she had Fallon. And she was constantly telling them both that she had things handled; which she probably did some of the time but newborns were a handful and things got pushed aside and forgotten.

Benji had read all that he could on the matter, having had no experience with newborns since Thomas was born. He wanted to be just as prepared for Freddie as Imogen was. He wanted to prove to Imogen that he wasn’t just some passing fancy, he was going to stick around. He took a couple days before Christmas to put all his plans into action. He went out and got what was on his list, dug out the little gifts he’d picked up and got them all ready, wrapping the one’s he hadn’t gotten a chance to until then and then packed up his car to head over to Imogen’s Christmas day. The usually busy city streets were nearly empty with the holiday and Benji reached Imogen’s quickly. He grabbed everything in one go and brought it up, setting everything on the floor before knocking on the door. He might have been able to bring it all up but he couldn’t keep a hold of it while he waited for the door.

He grinned when Imogen finally opened the door and blurted out the first thing that came to mind. He was sure she thought he would be spending the day with his family. But they were in the Bahamas, enjoying the sun and the fun that the resort offered. “Merry Christmas to you, too.” He said with a chuckle, leaning down to pick up his bags. “I come with surprises.” He added, straightening up to his full height once again. He enjoyed cooking every once in a while and with Immy constantly having her hands full with Freddie, Benji thought it would be a nice surprise for her. So he’d made a list of all that he needed and had gathered it up. There wasn’t enough time in the day, in Benji’s opinion to cook a full turkey but he picked up some pieces that wouldn’t take an entire day to cook and the rest of the fixing for a good Christmas dinner and enough that there would be leftovers for a couple days at least.

Tag || imogen katelyn rose lancaster
Words || 798
Clothes || On Their Way!
Music || Cold Coffee --Ed Sheeran
Notes || <3!

[imogen katelyn rose lancaster]

Imogen knew that she had the help of her friends from the moment Freddie was born. She didn’t mind letting them in to do little things here and there so she could catch up on other bits that had gone forgotten since becoming a mother. However, Immy didn’t want to become reliant on Benji and Fallon. Freddie wasn’t their responsibility and they already had their own busy lives to live. She had stopped calling them for help already, and just sort of let them appear when they wanted to, letting them cite their own reasons for calling by. Imogen could be far too stubborn for her own good at times, but she was a single mother after all and she felt like she needed to get used to dealing with any problems on her own. It didn’t matter that so far Freddie had been nothing more than a typical newborn, she wasn’t going to burden Benji or Fallon just because she was a little bit tired; it came with the territory.

It didn’t matter to her how much they said they didn’t mind helping out for a few hours, Immy wasn’t going to use them like some free babysitting service whenever she felt like it. She carried the burden of her problems a little too heavily on her slim shoulders, no matter what people said to her. Plus, with the holidays, she hadn’t wanted to give off the impression that she was going to be home alone and doing absolutely nothing. She knew no one would stand for it, even if she admitted that she didn’t want to be a part of any fancy Christmas celebration. After everything the last twelve months had thrown at her, she just wanted to see the back of this year and move away from everything. Freddie, and possibly New York, was the only good thing to come from it, but even they had only come at the end of all the horrible stuff that had threatened to break Imogen, and had nearly done just that.

She sure as hell wasn’t expecting Benji to show up at her door on Christmas day. Imogen reached up and tried to do something with her birds nest of hair, but she felt the tangled curls just bounce back out when she palmed them down. “What…why are you here?” She asked, a little softer this time, stepping aside to let the man into her apartment. He did seem to be carrying quite a bit and with Freddie just down she didn’t want Benji to drop everything and to wake him up. “I didn’t think I’d see you until after the holidays.” She added, as though that would explain her state of appearance, and her slight rudeness upon greeting him. Closing the heavy door, Immy leaned back against it for a second, eyes roving over the drama professor. She was a little baffled as to why he was here, and ashamed that someone had caught her in the act of her non-existent Christmas. If word got back to Fallon her fellow blonde would yell her into the ground over lying to her. “How much did you bring?” Her eyes moved again to the bags and then back up to the man. “I actually did make it out this week to get my shopping done, thanks.” She added, folding her arms across her stomach still feeling self-conscious about this entire situation, with her mind racing a mile a minute.

• • •

TAGGED! Benjamin Parker Hamilton
WORDS! 586!
OUTFIT! Tired Mommy!
LYRICS! All I Need - - Within Temptation
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Benjamin Parker Hamilton]

It was difficult for Benji to figure out ways to get Imogen to see he wasn’t just coming around because he was a nice guy. He was but his visits were far more selfish than anything. He wanted to be around Imogen and sweet little Freddie but he wanted to give the new mom and her baby some space as well. It was a pain in the ass trying to figure out if it was a good time to stop by or if he should leave it for a little while longer. But there was only so much he could do before it was driving him crazy that he couldn’t see them both. When Freddie had been born, he hadn’t just had his mother’s heart, he’d had Benji’s and probably Fallon’s as well. They were all smitten with the little guy but Benji wanted to spend just as much time with Imogen as he did with Freddie. He wasn’t just coming around to spend time with the baby, his ulterior motives were mostly for Imogen, trying to get her to see that he wasn’t going to just up and leave when things got to be a little too tough to handle.

He would help her handle anything that came their way, she just needed to see that for herself. And he thought the best way to do that was to bombard her constantly. Give her space sure, but not enough that she could start believing he would leave at a moments’ notice. He wouldn’t. Benji was definitely made of stronger stuff than that. Plus, he came with his own babysitters on call when he could get her to agree to a night out. He hadn’t planned any of those out yet, it had only been four weeks since the little bundle of joy had been born but in time, he would get Immy to agree to a night out, dinner, maybe a little dancing or a movie. Something to get her out of the house for a few hours. Melody and Thomas had only seen pictures of the little guy so far but they’d instantly taken a liking to him. Melody he knew would say yes to babysitting at every single chance they gave her. She asked if she could babysit him the first time she’d seen the pictures!

But Benji had a plan, and it was only in the early stages. There was still plenty to do before they got to the point that Imogen would be willing to leave her son with a relative stranger. She’d met his niece and nephew once or twice before but he didn’t consider that enough that she’d be comfortable with it. “No one should spend Christmas alone. And don’t say you’re not alone because you have Freddie. He can’t talk back yet.” He said, pointedly. There would come a time when the little guy would be able to remember all this, will talk back and will be excited about tearing apart the pretty wrapping paper to reveal the surprise hidden underneath. “Wentworth and Josie took them to the Bahamas.” He said with a small shrug. It was the truth after all and it didn’t bother him since he’d been the one to decline their every generous offer. They tried to include him in all the family plans and Benji would always be eternally grateful to Wentworth and Josephine for welcoming him into the family with open arms but sometimes he just had to say no. This time, it was because he’d wanted to do this for Imogen, other times before this it had been because of work, some play he’d been apart off and more recently school. But he didn’t turn down every offer, just a couple of them and always with good reasons. “That’s excellent news. But this is just for today.” He said.

For Benji, it didn’t matter than Immy was disheveled, he understood why. She has a small infant asleep in the next room, it was unlikely she got more than an hour to herself to do too much. He didn’t care if a few dishes got piled up or if she had only condiments and an empty jar of pickles in her fridge. He wasn’t there to judge or to mock her. He was there to spend time with her, give her time if she needs it, to do whatever she wanted. He was more than capable to take care of Freddie should he wake while Immy was off doing something else. “Look.” He said, setting the bags down and putting his hands on Immy’s biceps. “I didn’t want to spend Christmas alone and I knew you were here so I thought I would surprise you with dinner. Why don’t you go have some mommy time. Draw yourself a bath, read a book, take a nap. Do something completely for you. I’ll take care of dinner and Freddie should he wake up. I promise.” He said, stepping back and his bags once again. He hoped she would agree without much resistance so he could set up a little corner of Christmas joy. It was Freddie’s first Christmas after all and there should be something and pictures to commemorate it.

Tag || imogen katelyn rose lancaster
Words || 948
Clothes || On Their Way!
Music || Cold Coffee --Ed Sheeran
Notes || <3!

[imogen katelyn rose lancaster]

She hadn’t thought Benji might be alone at Christmas. He spoke about his family with such love that she had thought his day would be full of the typical family fun that she herself was missing. His touch sent shivers through her and her mind ran to places it should not have ran to. Imogen didn’t live in a Richard Curtis movie, and she was not about to be swept off her feet in the middle of her kitchen whilst wearing some of her son’s spit up. God, she was so exhausted she was bordering on delirious. “I’m never getting rid of you am I?” She asked rhetorically, relenting to Benji’s request. “Though you might have given a girl some warning. I might have put some effort in.” If she had found the energy or the time that is. Still, Immy was embarrassed that she had been caught in such a state, even if she did have the excuse of a four week old baby. It wasn’t like her to slack off in looking after herself or her home, regardless of what else was happening. “The Prince should be down for a while though. He only just nodded off before you arrived.” She stepped back and glanced around, walking to fetch the baby monitor from the coffee table and place it within Benji’s reach and earshot. “If I go asleep you won’t wake me until the New Year…but a bath sounds good.” She peeled off the sweater to toss into her washing machine by her legs, twisting her vest top back into place. “Thanks, Benji.” She contemplated kissing his cheek, but was paranoid of her appearance still. Instead, she just nodded with a small smile and moved wearily towards her bedroom and en suite.

A hot bath was a luxury Imogen hadn’t really enjoyed much lately. It was hard to drift away in the tub when the baby monitor posed the threat of disturbing her each time she was submerged under the bubbles and surrounded by candles. Immy took this chance though and after dunking herself under the hot water enough to wake her up she scrubbed her skin until she felt clean and then relaxed, thinking about how wonderful it was just to soak in the strawberry scented water. Her thoughts soon moved past that though to the man in her kitchen. She had tried in vain to think of him as only a friend, but he was at her door so often in the last few weeks, helping her with things that she hadn’t even mentioned struggling with. Benji was as close to perfect as they came, and her feelings for him were bordering on dangerous in her eyes. When she started to think of the things she wanted from him, from their relationship, she shook her head and put it all down to exhaustion, pulling the plug from the tub and reaching for the big fluffy towels.

Towel drying her hair, Imogen opened her wardrobe and looked inside. Letting her green eyes look over the garments hanging there she realised just how long it had been since she had dressed up. For months she had lived in maternity clothes while her own things had been pushed to the back of the space, left in the darkness while her body swelled under the effects of her pregnancy. Imogen wasn’t quite back to the tiny toned figure she had been before Freddie, but she was slimmer, and she was sure there was something in there that could fit. She plucked out a few things; dresses she hadn’t had a chance to wear, but couldn’t resist buying all the same. She felt a bit silly dressing up to stay in, but Imogen missed feeling like her old self, and even if it was just for a few hours she wanted to be that girl again. Slipping into the black tuxedo dress, she smiled at her reflection and laughed at the low plunge of the neckline. She felt ridiculous, but that in itself felt good. She dried her curls and put a small amount of make up on – for her own benefit. Immy wanted to feel a little more human and she had to get used to doing it all again since zombie mommy was not a look she aspired to keep. The only thing Immy opted out of was the high heels sitting neatly on the shoe rack in the bottom of her wardrobe. She’d only kick them off when she curled up on her couch anyway, so there was no point.

Immy headed out of her bedroom and back across to Benji in the kitchen. She bit her lip, suddenly feeling nervous for some reason, and rubbed her toes over the stone flooring there. “Can I help with anything?” She asked, leaning in the counter space next to him and looking over everything. She was still a little tired, but the bath and putting the effort in to look a little more human had made her feel less like she needed to pass out immediately. “You are the one telling me that I can’t do everything by myself.” She teased playfully, grabbing a handful of chopped vegetables and popping them into her mouth. There was a chance she had skipped breakfast that morning and things were already smelling delicious – the food, not just the man. She couldn’t help digging in already. Again, to the food, not the man.

• • •

TAGGED! Benjamin Parker Hamilton
WORDS! 924!
OUTFIT! Costume Change!
LYRICS! All I Need - - Within Temptation
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Benjamin Parker Hamilton]

This was actually the first year that Benji had declined Christmas. But his family understood that he had wanted to start a tradition of his own, one that included Imogen and sweet, little baby Freddie. It was bound to happen eventually, Benji going off to start his own holiday traditions. But the actor had hopes that Imogen and Freddie would be joining him through his usual tradition. Of course, he would deny that he wouldn’t mind if this one happened again. Benji liked spending time with Immy and the baby. The mother had him wrapped around her finger almost as tightly as her son did. Benji would do absolutely anything for that adorable infant. “Nope!” He said cheerfully, knowing full well the question was rhetorical and that she already knew the answer to the question before she’d even asked it. Benji wanted to prove that he was in this for the long haul. And the only way he could think of to prove that was to keep showing up, keep doing things for her and hopefully she would get it eventually. He didn’t want to push her, he was a patient man but he also wasn’t going to let her forget either. “You’re beautiful.” It didn’t matter to Benji if Imogen was dolled right up or sitting around in her oldest pair of track pants and an oversize t-shirt, she was still beautiful.

“I will keep my ears open for him.” Benji promised. He adored that little boy and wouldn’t let anything happen under his watch. “Go on, get going, enjoy the peace. And you’re welcome.” He said to her with a smile, making sure to keep himself in check. He was there to surprise her. He really did know better than to be thinking how much he just wanted to grab her and kiss her senseless. But he also had a surprise in store. Benji cleaned while he prepared, to help out and to do something other than twirl his thumbs waiting for water to boil or a oven to warm up enough. He’d brought over decorations for a small corner of the living room so they could take pictures. It was Freddie’s first Christmas and though he wasn’t going to remember it, Imogen would and Benji wanted it done up right for her as well. He cleared a small area, just out of sight so Immy wouldn’t see it if she peeked out from her bedroom and did it all up between running to fix up dinner.

And all that running about was the reason dinner wasn’t as far along as Benji would have hoped. But cooking wasn’t some instantaneous task. It took time and effort and Immy was out of her bath before he’d even gotten all the vegetables into the pot! The turkey breast at least, was in the oven, the homemade dressing that he’d prepared before he left his own place was wrapped in aluminum foil and settled in with the turkey. It all probably just showed that Benji had spent a bit too much time in the kitchen when he should have been running lines or doing homework back in the day. But cooking relaxed him. Plus it didn’t hurt that Benji really loved to cook. “Yes, actually I have... Wow, Imogen, you look amazing.” He said, blurting out the first thing that popped into his head when he finally looked up and saw her. And completely forgetting what he’d been about to say to the stunning new mommy. “Um, you can put all that into the pot.” He said waving at the small pile of chopped vegetables still left to go in. “Or you can take this.” He continued, fishing the book out of one of the many bags of supplies he’d brought along with him.

Tag || imogen katelyn rose lancaster
Words || 685
Clothes || On Their Way!
Music || Cold Coffee --Ed Sheeran
Notes || <3!

[imogen katelyn rose lancaster]

Imogen’s previous Christmases had always been hectic, full of family and a little bit over the top. They had been in the LA hotel, involved a dinner bigger than anyone could actually eat and always ended with her and Jack falling out when one of them discovered a secret the other had been keeping. They didn’t usually talk again until New Year night when they’d decide not to start the next year being angry at each other. It wouldn’t be like that this year and Immy had a whole variety of mixed emotions about that. She didn’t know how she felt, didn’t think there was a word to explain what was going on in her head lately. Seeing Benji at her door had complicated that even more, but she couldn’t deny that she felt better for seeing him. He always had her heart in a flutter, whether she wanted that or not. “I’m wearing baby sick and I don’t remember the last time I slept for more than four hours. You don’t need to pretend.” Imogen wasn’t going to buy into compliments right now, not with the way she was feeling. However, she wasn’t without her manners. “Thanks for trying though.” She told him with a small smile.

Preened and dressed like her old self, Imogen felt close enough to taking on the world again. She wasn’t quite there, but she was closer than she had felt in a while. Her energy had been zapped since about month seven of her pregnancy and had only waned since then, getting worse and more random since Freddie was born. He wasn’t in a routine yet, and she was still adjusting to motherhood. It was more complicated than the books and classes made it out to be and even with the help from Benji and Fallon it was tough. She wanted to start forcing herself into trying more though. She could be a mom and neglect herself or she could try and start finding a balance for both, and Imogen wanted to do that. Dressing up and having a Christmas day with Benji might just be the start of that – even if Freddie woke up somewhere in the middle and reminded her how everyone avoided mentioning the gross side to newborns and instead focused on how cute they could be instead. Smiling shyly, she shrugged and glanced down at her dress. It had been so long since she had been able to dress up. “I know it’s stupid to dress up when we’re not going anywhere or doing anything, but…it’s been so long.” She admitted quietly. Shaking her head because she felt ridiculous getting emotional about dressing up and looking nice for someone, she focused on Benji’s words and picked up the book, turning it the right way up in her hands. “What is it?” She asked before she took the chance to actually look at it.

Something else caught her attention out of the corner of her eye and she looked up. That corner across the way hadn’t been decorated before. In fact, she had deliberately avoided feeling the festive fever this year and left almost everywhere bare. Dropping the book to the kitchen unit, Imogen crossed the room at speed to look at it up close and make sure she wasn’t dreaming. For a second she thought she might have actually nodded off in that lovely bath she had taken. No, it was all too real. She turned back to Benji, jaw slack with shock. “You did this?” She asked quietly, looking up at him stunned. Imogen didn’t suddenly feel the magic of Christmas, but she did realise that she had been making a mistake in her disinterested approach to the holidays. Exhausted or not she probably should have been doing more. Why was it that Benji always seemed to know what she needed before she even did? “You’re amazing.” Before Imogen knew what she was doing she pushed herself up onto her toes and only when she was a hairsbreadth away from brushing her lips to his did she catch herself. Quickly she changed course and pressed a gentle kiss to Benji’s cheek instead. “Thank you.” She whispered, dropping back down to her heels and moving to put the distance between them. Her heart was pounding in her chest though. She had come dangerously close to kissing Benji and ruining everything. Or at least that’s what Imogen thought. She kept her hands busy with the vegetables and tried not to think about how much she wanted to be running her fingers through Benji’s hair instead.

• • •

TAGGED! Benjamin Parker Hamilton
WORDS! 778!
OUTFIT! Costume Change!
LYRICS! All I Need - - Within Temptation
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Benjamin Parker Hamilton]

Benji didn’t remember much from his childhood outside of Broadway. Real life for him was a blur and all that had mattered was learning lines, costume fittings and rehearsals. Even for a child the days were long, the nights even longer and the performances too short. But that was how it had all been. And it still felt that way to him when he was in a show; even a one night only performance. When he was older, he’d gotten real Christmas experiences but by then, it was all a bit useless. He loved Christmas but he’d been too old to pretend that Santa delivered presents to every single little boy and girl on the planet who celebrated the holiday. He still believed in magic but the magic of the theatre. Maybe he’d been too young to be thrown into the world he adored so much, or maybe his sister hadn’t saved him soon enough; either way, he didn’t want anyone else to have the sort of first few years that he’d had. It didn’t matter to Benji that Freddie wouldn’t remember any of this, he and Imogen would and those were the memories that really mattered at the end of it all. There wasn’t much Benji could do and he knew that but he could do this one thing for her. He smiled at her and let her go on her way so he could get down to business.

Decorating had been easy. Benji was used to helping out the stage masters when they were setting scenes, it was a hobby of his really while he was teaching, to set the scenes himself with a little help of course. He liked things to be where he wanted them though he was not a perfectionist with this like he was with other parts of a play. Benji had hoped that the food would be closer to the finished side of things than they were but he couldn’t plan everything perfectly. Nor could he make Imogen stay away from the living room and kitchen longer than she’d done. But of course, that was why he’d brought the book. He’d seen the same author lying around and knew she liked them so he’d picked it up and hoped she didn’t already have a copy of it. It wasn’t part of the gifts so he didn’t mind pulling that out; plus everything else had been wrapped! “It’s never stupid to dress up. But I have to say, I’m feeling a little under dressed now!” He teased, returning to finish up what was on his cutting board. “It’s a book. I’m told they’re quite interesting. The pages there are filled with words that tell a story.” Benji said with a grin. “I saw the author lying around here and thought you might enjoy it.” He added, in case there was any confusion, though how he didn’t know.

He finished all he had to do with the food, now it was just letting it cook when Imogen finally seemed to notice the decorated corner. It wasn’t much, he would admit to that but it was enough to make it Christmas. He grabbed the dish towel off the counter where he’d placed it and dried his hands and he moved closer and leaned against the wall, absently wiping his hands. “You deserve a little magic.” He said instead of admitting he’d decorated for the holiday. He was beyond happy that she’d liked what he’d done and hadn’t yelled at him for going against her wishes. He’d known she didn’t want to do anything but he thought she should anyway. It was a first Christmas after all. It needed to be celebrated properly! “Nu-uh. No playing it safe.” He whispered, pulling her flush against him and leaning down to steal a light, sweet kiss. It was beyond time that they’d taken this step. And it was in Benji’s eyes, the only way he was going to get Imogen to see he was really serious about them. He pulled away slowly, giving Imogen a moment while he looked down at her with a soft smile.

Tag || imogen katelyn rose lancaster
Words || 765
Clothes || Here they are!
Music || Cold Coffee --Ed Sheeran
Notes || <3!

[imogen katelyn rose lancaster]

Imogen’s childhood memories of Christmas were over the top, grand events with probably too many presents. There were dolls back home on shelves that were probably worth a small fortune that she had been gifted by relatives. They had always freaked her out a bit and she had never played with them. It was an illusion of glitter, fairy lights, and way too much food. She couldn’t complain about her upbringing; she had had it all. She had been raised in a loving home, taught well, and practically handed her future in the shape of Hamilton Hotels. She didn’t know what her future had in store now, but her priorities had definitely shifted. She cared about her son, and not whether other people were impressed with her appearance or attitude to a situation. Freddie became her world the moment she held him in her arms, and there was nothing that could take that from her. When he was old enough to start understanding that, she’d let him see. She would give that little boy the world if she could.

There was still a lot of adjusting for Imogen though. She had come a long way in less than a year and had given herself very little time to deal with that. It was only after Freddie was born that she had started to realise how big some of the changes were. She wasn’t that party girl anymore. The need to escape had gone entirely once she settled in New York. However, it had been replaced with the feeling that her past would define her. No one knew the truth of why she was here, or what had really happened back in California and Imogen hadn’t felt compelled to share it with anyone, not even Fallon. It was her burden, and hers alone. She was convinced it would always be that way now. A single mom, a precious son, and the world to battle against. She told herself that she could do it, joked about never dating again whilst her belly swelled. Imogen believed it all though, and she told herself she was okay with it. That was why, now, she hid her feelings for Benji as best as she could and never acted on them. Whereas, this time last year if she had known him, there would have been no hesitation; she’d have told him outright. That Imogen was a thing of the past though. “Sorry, but the only guy’s clothes in this apartment are size newborn.” She said with a smirk, before rolling her eyes at his attitude. “I don’t remember the last time I had more than three hours sleep in one go, so cut the sarcasm. Thank you though. I’m sure I’ll enjoy it when I have the time for it.” She said honestly with a small smile. She’d find a routine eventually, but until then it was constant exhaustion and chaos.

Imogen stared at the decorations, and then back over her shoulder at Benji when he spoke up. “And what about you? What do you deserve?” She asked, genuinely curious. He did all of this for her, but what did he want? What did he need? He could have spent Christmas with his family, but instead he came to her when she had declined all Christmas offers and lied about her plans to avoid the holidays. A mistake she now understood, but nevertheless, it all kept pushing her thoughts in a direction she didn’t want them to go. It was troublesome. And trouble only brewed more in her mind when Benji pulled her up against him and she felt his lips against hers. She gasped softly, clutching at his arms before he pulled away, and then she made the very reluctant decision to step back further. She needed the space to think, to say what she needed to say; else all she’d do is kiss him again until the food was burnt and her mind was blank. “You don’t know what you do to me. But I come with so many skeletons, Benji. There’s so much you don’t know and I can’t do this if I’m only going to lose you when you know who I really am. And then there’s Freddie…I know you adore him already, but this would be a whole new level entirely.” She said, barely pausing for breath while she spoke, but keeping her eye contact with Benji. She needed to say these things without making a joke out of it like she had done in the past. “You could do so much better than me. There are better women out there.” She smiled, reaching out to brush her fingertips against his.

• • •

TAGGED! Benjamin Parker Hamilton
WORDS! 790!
OUTFIT! Costume Change!
LYRICS! All I Need - - Within Temptation
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Benjamin Parker Hamilton]

Ever since his sister took him away, Benji had a serious love for all things Christmas. He loved the decorated trees, the carols, the joy and spirit. He loved the idea of Santa, what he represented, he loved how nearly everyone seemed to be just a little bit nicer around the holiday, opened their hearts and their purse strings a little wider to give and share. He wished people were helpful like that all year round but miracles were rare and that would make them an everyday occurrence. He needed something to wish for when he had those days where people were just ridiculous and beyond the average amount of rude. He was an amicable guy, easy going and tried to get along with everyone he met but even he found his last nerve from time to time. “And they’re not going to fit my left foot.” He said, sounding like he was very upset about not being able to dress up like his stunning counterpart. Benji raised his hands in surrender and took the smallest step back. “Alright.” He said, lowering his hands again after a few seconds.

“Me?” He asked, surprised. The actor took a moment to think about that. What did he deserve? Probably a lot less than he was asking for, maybe just a little bit more. He’d had a terrible childhood, one without the proper affection that he should have seen. It turned him into an excellent actor, and he would never give that up for anything but he wished he’d had a little bit more back then. His sister and the family she married into tried to make up for all that he’d been without and they did a decent job at it but it wasn’t really the same. They were nice and damn near perfect but they were also a few years too late. “I don’t know.” He told her honestly. Because the truth was, he really didn’t know what he deserved. He wanted to love and be loved by a beautiful, intriguing woman, have a couple kids with that woman, grow old with her and sit on the front porch swing, watching the little minions who would call him grandpa run around the yard.

“Maybe.” He agreed with a nod of his head. “But none of them are the one that I want to have sleeping next to me. None of them are the one I want to tell to relax and go back to sleep because I’ve got Freddie. None of them are you.” He told her honestly. It was about time he was blunt with his feelings. It might be overwhelming and he was willing to give her some time to work through it all but damn it, he was at the end of his rope waiting for the right time. Benji didn’t want to miss his chance. “How about you go have a seat, have a glass of wine and I’ll finish up with dinner, sound good?” He asked, already opening the bottle he’d brought and moving away to find the wine glasses to pour her one. He spent the better part of an hour finishing up their meal, making sure everything was cooked and looked nice on the plate. Cooking was a hobby for Benji, one he happened to actually like. And one he often pretended he was a pro at, setting the table, displaying the plate and all the things that were done at the upscale five star restaurants that had six month waits for reservations. Finally, with everything to his liking, he set the plates on the table. “Dinner is served.” He told her with a hand flourish.

Tag || imogen katelyn rose lancaster
Words || 650
Clothes || Here they are!
Music || Cold Coffee --Ed Sheeran
Notes || <3!

[imogen katelyn rose lancaster]

Imogen thought she needed more than wine after this revelation. Her head was reeling already from what Benji had said and she was just standing there, blinking at him. “Oh, fuck.” She said quietly in response, and then she realised what she had said and stepped forward to close the distance between the pair of them. She smacked his arm without any real malice, but mostly because she needed to do something. He had left her head in a daze and now she was swearing uncharacteristically! “Now look what you’ve got me doing! I’m trying to cut that out completely before Freddie’s first words are something wildly inappropriate and I end up being one of those mothers everyone condemns with their eyes in a department store.” She said, acting like she was a casual addict or something or the sort. She accepted the wine and put some distance between them as she sought out her couch. As much as she would have loved to drag Benji with her and made out with him like some stupid teenager, she needed time to think.

He was offering her the one thing she never thought she would have in her life again. At best she thought there might be guys who came and stuck around until they realised her son always came first, or who wouldn’t want to play dad to a little boy who would grow up without one. Benji wasn’t going to be like that and Immy didn’t know if what she was feeling now was excitement or fear. She hadn’t considered someone coming along and potentially implying that they were in it for the long haul. The first glass of wine went down in seconds at the very thought of it. She allowed herself to wonder what it could be like; a life with Benji. Her face flushed with colour at the happy thoughts that flooded her mind and she was glad he was busy in the kitchen for the time being. She hadn’t allowed herself to think of things like this because she had learned the hard way that life didn’t always work out the way you imagined it to be. She had never envisioned herself to be a mother at twenty-five, single or in a relationship. Now she was scared of letting her mind show her what could be in case none of that ever came true. Benji was opening a door she had been scared to even look at, and that alone made her polish off the second glass of wine just as Benji served up dinner.

“Wow. Everything looks amazing.” She said, taking a seat and staring at the meal. Her nose was starting to tickle which was a clear indication that she ought to have maybe held off on the drinking until she had some food in her system. It had been a long time since she had been drinking on a regular basis. Since Freddie was born she had maybe half a glass of wine with Fallon, twice. She wasn’t drunk, but there was a lightness coming over her from the wine that made her want to slow down before she was falling over or calling someone to come babysit tomorrow whilst she stayed in bed. Imogen ate whilst avoiding their earlier moment together. She complimented his cooking and made small talk, but she was still thinking about Benji and what he had said and all the different ways she wanted him in her life without losing him at some point. That fear was still overwhelmingly strong, but so was her desire to be close to him. By the end of dinner, she had made a choice; one that made her nervous and was probably made with some thanks to the third glass of wine half drank.

After dinner, Imogen quickly escaped to her office at the end of the hallway. She rummaged through the bottom drawer before pulling out and old box and picking something out from there. She moved back through her apartment in search of Benji and took a deep breath. “What you deserve is so much more than I could ever give you. You’ve been there for me since the moment we met. Yeah, it was only helping me find my way back to my car, but that was more than most people were willing to offer me in this city. I struggled on my own with furniture up these stairs then and people would huff at me. I genuinely thought I was adding to my list of mistakes moving here before that day.” She stopped, wondering why she was waffling on so much. Nerves. “I left my entire world behind for my baby. If you really want to be with me then you at least deserve to know the truth. I’m not going to ruin Christmas with those stories, but this is a start.” She pressed into his hand the item she had pulled from the drawer of her desk. It was her California driving licence that still listed her old name of Hamilton, had a bright smiling photo of a younger care free Imogen, and carried the address of the family home in Beverly Hills.

• • •

TAGGED! Benjamin Parker Hamilton
WORDS! 877!
OUTFIT! Costume Change!
LYRICS! All I Need - - Within Temptation
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Benjamin Parker Hamilton]

Benji knew he was throwing a lot Immy's way but he was tired of running in circles and getting next to nowhere with her. He felt like he was talking two steps forward just to take three back again. It was a game he was willing to play of course, because he wanted Imogen to see what she and Freddie meant to him. He might not have been there from the very beginning but he'd been there from close enough to that. And that felt like it should mean something to them. It definitely meant something to him. He wanted Imogen and Freddie in his life. If it turned out that she didn't feel exactly the same way, then he wanted to stay in their lives in a friendly capacity. Benji tried to hide the smirk on his lips when Immy swore. It happened so rare, Benji wasn't even sure the last time he'd heard a curse word even pass her lips! He knew she was trying to be good but he was ruining that for her. "I'm pretty sure you could never be one of those parents. You've sworn all of one time, I think, since I met you." He pointed out with a cheeky grin.

Left alone in the kitchen again, Benji was able to settle into his thoughts while he went through the motions of cooking. He had always loved cooking, once he learned how to. It was a way for him to disconnect from the world and to let his thoughts wash over him so he could sort them out. He wanted to prove to Immy that he wasn't interested in just her, that he wasn't afraid of the commitment he knew he was making. He was in this for the long haul and if it took a bit longer than he would have liked to get there, so be it. It really just meant more time to show her. He figured it would all show in the little things. Benji poured himself a glass of wine and settled into the meal across from Imogen, keeping an ear out for the sleeping infant. Benji loved that little boy more than words could say. He'd never thought he would be good with kids since he'd never really been one and he'd still been young when his niece and nephew were born but he'd tried and had some successes at being a good uncle, he was better as they got older but small children had been a concern for Benji who had never known if he even wanted a family.

He knew he would be a hell of a lot better than his own parents, let his children decide for themselves what they wanted to do with their lives but there was always that small part of him that thought it would never actually become a reality. And then Imogen walked into the theatre by accident and the rest of his life opened up to him. Though Imogen took off down the hall after dinner, Benji thought it went well enough. He was starting in on the dishes when she found him again in the kitchen, elbow deep in soapy water. While she went on a bit of a ramble, he picked up the dry cloth and wiped his hands clean of the bubbles and water, listening intently. He genuinely wished he'd known her when she'd been moving in. He would have helped her so much with everything. But their story hadn't started there, it had started later and he had to keep reminding himself that however they got to the meeting, they got there. He took the card she held out to him and peered down at it quickly, barely a glance because who she was before New York didn't matter to Benji but there was a familiarity that caught his eye and he looked back down at it, this time really inspecting it. He knew he was supposed to be shocked or feel some other emotion along the same lines because her old last name and his were identical and her previous address was in an area too many people could only dream of driving by but he wasn't as shocked as he really should have been. The money and background didn't matter to Benji and the last name to him, just seemed to fit. "It must be fate." He said, looking back up at Imogen and tossing the old plastic card on the counter. "None of it means anything to me Imogen. It doesn't matter that we shared a last name, it just means you wasted money changing it when we've got to pay to change it back." He said honestly, giving her too much information about where his heart was. But he really didn't care anymore. He wanted her to know.

Tag || imogen katelyn rose lancaster
Words || 807
Clothes || Here they are!
Music || Cold Coffee --Ed Sheeran
Notes || <3!

[imogen katelyn rose lancaster]

What Imogen had had with Lewis had been nothing more than a casual fling. They hooked up when he was around and she was partying. Still, after discovering the truth about his marriage and the wife he never spoke about, Imogen had been scared to open up to any man again. They might not have been anything close to serious, but he still crushed her in ways she had never even imagined. And now Benji was too good to be true, and it terrified her. He made her feel things Imogen didn’t want to feel, and at the same time she never wanted him to leave when he was around. Shaking her head and keeping her eyes fixed away from him, Immy leaned against the counter top. “You’re a bad influence on me, Benji Hamilton.” She mumbled, closing her eyes.

One day Imogen would have to face up to everything she had ran away from. She had no intentions of hiding from her family forever. It was just trying to work out what to say to them and when to say it now. She missed her brother, and her parents, but her life as a mother was still so new to her that she didn’t want to bring them back into things when she was still finding her feet with Freddie. All of that was something she needed to explain to Benji – and probably Fallon – one day, too. When Imogen felt ready, she would. She’d need their help approaching them again because it would be one hell of a storm when she did, and she didn’t want to do it alone. Benji had already proven to her that she didn’t need to be alone in raising Freddie, despite how stubborn Immy was trying to be. She missed him when he left, but she was too proud to say that sort of thing out loud, or even admit to herself how she felt about the man who had held her hand while she gave birth to the little baby boy fast asleep in the nursery.

The truth was that Benji had Immy’s heart as much as her son did. That scared the living hell out of the young blonde. He came out of nowhere and stole it from her. At least she had time to prepare for Freddie, to make room for him in her life. Benji left her shaking, and Imogen was very much aware that she was doing just that while he looked at her driving licence. Her green eyes were fixed on his face, studying his expression in case there was any change there. She knew it wasn’t much, but she was trying to relieve some of the baggage she had without ruining the day by dumping it all on him over wine and food. Baby steps, she had told herself. Then he spoke and she felt herself shaking more, blinking at him while her heart raced in her chest at his words. “I…I meant…It’s more than just a name.” She finally managed to say, though her thoughts were not remotely close to her past any more. They were very much fixed on what Benji had said and all the chances Imogen had for a future and how they were all standing right in front of her. “Oh, fuc-fudge.” Immy reached up to clasp one hand around Benji’s neck and the other found the front of his shirt. Pulling him close, she pushed herself up onto her toes and kissed him passionately.

• • •

TAGGED! Benjamin Parker Hamilton
WORDS! 590!
OUTFIT! Costume Change!
LYRICS! All I Need - - Within Temptation
NOTES! <3 <3 <3