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Post by Madison Abigail Coltrain on Feb 20, 2016 13:57:39 GMT -5
Maddie was very used to the looks and the glances sent her way when she was with Jude. They had never bothered her, not really. He was an attractive man and she hardly looked like she should even know him. She was sickly thin, even if she was surprisingly healthy. Well, mostly healthy. She was a recovering addict after all, there would always be some rocky areas. But tonight’s looks just felt... Different to her and she couldn’t place why. Plus, Jude seemed like he was more on edge than usual and that in itself was something to fret over. Madison knew she didn’t always seem like she paid attention to things and the truth was, she preferred looking back at the past, not so much her surroundings but she did see things. She wasn’t blind after all, even if she usually just pushed away her thoughts on the stares they were getting.
She liked being around Jude. He didn’t treat her like she was some fragile little thing. Mostly because he had absolutely no idea she was a recovering addict, but that was besides the point. He would eventually find out and if that ended whatever relationship they had, so be it. She would get over it, even if he was someone she looked forward to seeing when they made plans. She especially liked how he habitually told it like it was. There was no sugar coating with Jude and that was something Madison really needed and appreciated in her life. She needed a friend like that, who would harp on her for not eating well or because she did something stupid, both of which he’d done dozens of times already. Maybe it was habitual because of his job, maybe it was just his personality, Maddie liked it either way so she wasn’t about to complain about it!
What she wasn’t overly fond of was the awkward stares they were getting tonight and the fact that Jude seemed to be having just as much difficulty, if not more, coping with them. The sooner they could get away from this restaurant, they better off they would be. She smiled and rolled her eyes. “Of course not. What I've had enough of are the gawkers. What the hell is with them anyway?" She asked shaking her head before she continued. "I was thinking we take our food to go?" She said, but made it sound like a question; as if he had a say in something that was already happening. The food was already in take away containers, in a bag and in her hand, it was a done deal. The only real question was where were they going to take their meal? Her place wasn't exactly far away but it was more than a few blocks. Nothing something she would be willing to walk with food getting cold.
tag|| jude william farrell Words|| 478 Clothes|| Pretty in Peach Music|| Perfect Storm --Brad Paisley Notes|| <3!
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Post by jude william farrell on May 2, 2016 15:42:19 GMT -5
Jude had tired of the whispers and the glances a long time ago. After he was forced into retirement from football it was no longer fun to be recognised when he was out and about. It was painful, but people didn’t seem to realise that when they came up to him and asked for a photograph or started talking to him about his time with the Giants. He had to hold himself in check though. There were still plenty of gossip rags out there who would love to sell a tale of him losing his cool with a fan. His name still went places even though he had crashed and burnt. He was a golden boy who had watched his dreams go up in smoke. Some part of Jude expected to be old and grey and still hear commentators bring his story up ahead of games or whenever someone was side-lined with an injury. Before Jude they had used someone else, and now he would be the example until someone else came along; it was a curse he wouldn’t wish on another player.
The problem was, even though the injury had struck him down years ago, it was still capable of ruining his life now. Take tonight; he was out with Maddie, but all he could do was worry about the glances and fret about someone interrupting dinner to talk to him about the game. There were still ways it could creep in and bring him down to a dark place. Sure, most of the time now he did fine, but it had taken Jude a lot to get to where he was. Football had been his dream, his everything, and he had lost it all in the space of sixty seconds really. No one shrugs that off and chooses plan B like it’s just dandy. He had been ruined, and there was still the potential for him to feel like that even now. He didn’t want to, he never wanted to, but sometimes he couldn’t change what he woke up feeling. It was rough, but all Jude could do was force himself through those tough days. He usually pushed himself a little hard in his home gym, working out until his muscles burnt and cried for him to stop.
Realising Maddie too had noticed the looks, Jude stiffened and peeked around them. People were still looking, but there was nothing he could do without making a scene right now. He had liked that Maddie didn’t know who he was as a footballer. It was nice. Many of his clients had chosen him because of his experience in professional sport and a few certainly liked to talk about his glory days while he pushed them. “I have no idea.” Jude lied quietly. He didn’t want to talk about it, or at least he didn’t want to talk about it where there was a crowd to overhear, record or pass the story on. He had made a point of only doing one interview after his injury and it was the interview in which he announced he would have to retire from football. He said that and then his coach stepped in to take over, knowing Jude was devastated and didn’t want to be subjected to a barrage of questions that followed. “My car is outside. I can...drive us to my place, I guess?” He asked with just hint of uncertainty. Jude didn’t have an issue taking Maddie to his apartment apart from the fact that she would definitely find out about who he was once she stepped foot into his den. It was still full of football memorabilia because he wasn’t going to get rid of the good memories, even if they had ended on a horrible note. After all, Jude had lived his dream when so many other people never got that chance.
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TAGGED! Madison Abigail Coltrain WORDS! 647! OUTFIT! Handsome Hunk! LYRICS! Ambling Alp - - Yeasayer NOTES! <3 <3 <3
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Post by Madison Abigail Coltrain on Feb 8, 2017 16:31:15 GMT -5
Maddie had been born into a well off family in a good neighbourhood and had surrounded herself with good people. At least until she'd been a teenager and decided her parent's weren't always right and partying wasn't as horrible a thing as they had said it was. Then she'd gotten out of control. She managed to fly from Tennessee to Georgia with the Predators hockey team, catch their game, party and return to Nashville for their next home game all without her parents ever finding out. It was still her dirty little secret from them because she knew that though it wasn't anyone's fault but her own, she had gone off with grown men, only one of them even remotely close to her own age and he'd still been three years older than her sixteen. They'd all plied her with alcohol and someone had gotten drugs involved as well. She had lied, she had made it all so believable and no one had ever thought to question her because she was with the team and they were never at the center of any gossip or drama. As far as anyone was concerned, they were a good wholesome team who would never do what they'd done with her. It was a bad time in her life and Maddie knew it. But she'd also gotten the help she'd needed and barely two years later, she was so far away from that girl she'd been.
She would never say she was a good girl, she wasn't. But she was better and that was what mattered for her. She didn't drink, she would never do drugs again and even had an issue taking some pills for a headache these days. What she was though was sharp as a tack and thanks to her extra curricular activities, she was a little more observant and jittery. For her she knew she just looked like she was a hyperactive twig and not some recovering drug addict with the telltale signs because she was so bubbly. Except those constantly on alert eyes of hers noticed plenty. Most of which she ignored or when she was out with Jude just figured it was appreciation and hormones. Jude was an exceptionally handsome man and in a city like New York that was saying something. Maddie was certain people looked at them together and wondered what he saw in her. She was too thin, probably too short and he was big and broad and very muscular. They weren't polar opposites but he was definitely more reserved than she was and it no doubt showed.
Seeing people staring though was nothing new and normally it was easily ignored. She had never cared what people thought when they saw the odd pair together, they were friends and what they did when they were together was their own business. However, tonight there seemed to be more looks, more whispers behind backs of hands and Maddie couldn't ignore it any longer. It all just seemed so… weird and Maddie didn't want to deal with it any longer. She also doubted Jude was enjoying being out with the stares and glances so blatant tonight. Maddie shrugged her shoulder, dismissing the odd glances. If Jude didn't know what was up then she would probably never find out and that didn't bother her. New York was full of odd people with strange little quirks, maybe they just decided to go out on the night all the people who stare did, too. "If that's what you want, sure, we can do dinner and a movie at the same time!" she said with a grin.
tag|| jude william farrell Words|| 605 Clothes|| Pretty in Peach Music|| Perfect Storm --Brad Paisley Notes|| <3!
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Post by jude william farrell on Feb 21, 2017 18:26:24 GMT -5
Jude was a good man, who had been a good boy. He wasn’t that way because his parents had forced him to be, but they had raised him right. He was that way because he had wanted so badly to play football as a profession. He might have been to a few parties, and he might have broken a tiny rule here and there and asked for another day on his homework assignments every once in a while if a test had come up that had made him forget about an essay. Overall though, Jude was not a person who people worried about. He worked too hard to prove himself as a responsible and reliable guy. Even now, even after everything had been taken from him he wasn’t going to throw that all away. It was all he had left at one point. He could still be that guy who showed up on time, who kept his promises and stuck to his word. It had taken him a while to rebuild his strength and realise that his body could still do everything he wanted it to do; it just couldn’t do it professionally. It was then he had to consider other options and Jude still felt like he was treading water between where he had been and wherever it was he was supposed to be going to.
It was hard to pick up and carry on when your biggest dream ended with a heart shattering crash. Jude still felt like some days were harder than others, and this was one of those harder days. He would have preferred to have locked himself away and pretended that the world ended at his front door, that New York didn’t exist outside his windows. That, however, was unhealthy, and he had been told as much plenty of times before. So he tried not to do that, and instead just occupied himself from when he woke up to when he went to bed. Even if all he had was his own company. He did chores, ran errands, worked out, made calls, worked out some more…he could always push his body more, make his muscles burn until they hurt. He knew his limits, never broke them, but Jude enjoyed testing them, pushing them, feeling that satisfying ache in them when he stood under the shower, washing away the sweat from a hard workout session. It was his one true vice, and it probably showed. It wasn’t like he could hide his physique. He was built up, stood out, and often it was the last thing he wanted to do, but he would never give up his need to exercise and stay in shape.
Jude just wished it didn’t make things so obvious, and that people didn’t gawp. It made him uncomfortable even when it wasn’t a night like this one; one when he was thrown back into the spotlight he had been so cruelly, and painfully, yanked out of. No one ever wants to be reminded of the worst moments of their lives, especially not by strangers who don’t even think about the words their spewing from painted or cracked lips. Jude swallowed hard. He didn’t want Maddie to know the truth because he didn’t want things to change. He also wanted to go home more than anything else, but he didn’t really feel much like being alone now that he had forced himself out to be with her. If he could keep her in the kitchen, or anywhere but the den, then maybe everything would be okay. “Oh, I don’t really have any movies…” Jude mumbled, rubbing the back of his stiff neck before digging in his pocket for his car keys as they left the restaurant. Fresh air felt good on his skin. Jude didn’t realise he had been so hot in there, but it had been stuffy and claustrophobic. “I think the last movie I saw was Kill Bill.” It was a poor choice for a date, but Jude thought a heroine would have been a good thing. He just hadn’t accounted for the Tarantino amount of blood.
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TAGGED! Madison Abigail Coltrain WORDS! 690! OUTFIT! Handsome Hunk! LYRICS! Ambling Alp - - Yeasayer NOTES! <3 <3 <3
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Post by Madison Abigail Coltrain on Oct 4, 2017 10:40:23 GMT -5
Maddie had done plenty of things in her young life; more than a lot of people twice her age. Parts of it she didn't remember, other things she wished she could forget but she refused to regret any of it. She couldn't exactly remember how she'd gotten from Nashville to Florida, not really but she definitely remembered coming back. That had been the first step in realising she'd gone too far and that she was lucky to still have breath in her lungs. Kicking addiction was an uphill battle but it had been one she'd been more than willing to fight. She had been ready at that point to turn her life around, get her shit together and make something out of what was left of her. She hadn't named any names, she wasn't about to get anyone in trouble for lies she had told and once she was out, she ran as far away from where her troubles began to start over. Her parents had feared her going away, believing she would just end up right back where she'd started. Maddie was stubborn enough to prove them all wrong. She had wanted to get better.
It was a lot being away from everything and everyone she knew but it had also been exactly what she needed. And now that she wasn’t under the control of the doctor's weekly, she was feeling more freedom than she had in a while. Of course, no one in New York, aside from those doctor's knew any of this. She didn't want people to think differently of her and she knew they all would once they found out the truth of her formative years. She might have technically still been in those years but she was a completely different person than she'd been even ten months ago. And it was this person that she wanted people to know, that she wanted Jude to know. He wasn't a person who would succumb to the pressures of his peers and take hit after hit of this and that, never really know what he was putting in his body. He was so much stronger and that was what Maddie admired about the athletic man. She was glad they'd met and become friends because he made her a better person; even if he wasn't actually teasing her about her meal choices. She knew it was because he cared, even a little bit, that he spoke up.
Then again, he spoke up a lot so maybe it was all just wishful thinking. What she'd never seen before was this awkward side of him. She didn't know if he was coming down with something or what was wrong but he'd been pale and clammy before he'd left the table and the look of him had only gotten worse by the time she'd found him again. She only knew that being in that restaurant would not do. Being outside helped both of them, Maddie suspected though for her it was just that there were less people on the street so less pairs of eyes trying to figure something out; though what that was, she didn't have a damn clue. "You're suggesting Tarantino?" She asked, grinning widely. "That's some date night choice." She teased him, trying to lighten his mood up a bit more. She didn't think it was working but it was still worth a shot.
tag|| jude william farrell Words|| 565 Clothes|| Pretty in Peach Music|| Perfect Storm --Brad Paisley Notes|| <3!
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Post by jude william farrell on Oct 10, 2017 17:11:13 GMT -5
Jude would give just about anything to be back on the football field. His hadn’t been a profession where they went out thinking any game could be their last. It wasn’t dangerous like being in the forces, or putting on a badge and gun and being a cop in these unpredictable times. His was one that brought entertainment to millions of people across the country, even beyond that. It wasn’t supposed to bring such torment and pain. Maybe a loss would hurt for a while, but then they looked towards the next game, the next big win. Jude couldn’t do that ever again. Football hurt him. It hurt him physically and now he was unable to even listen to chatter about the sport without feeling that tightening in his chest, the heartache that came with losing something that he had loved. It had been his life, his passion, all he had ever dreamt of, and in one moment it was all gone.
He had rebuilt something for his life since then, but it wasn’t the same. His happiness was never a lasting promise. There was always a moment when everything shattered. His high would be ruined and he’d quickly remember that he was the footballer reduced to being a PT because he had no choice. This wasn’t a lifestyle he had chosen out of any desire, but because otherwise he’d fall into the abyss he’d been staring into for a little too long. He enjoyed helping his clients, was happy to see them achieve their goals, but it wasn’t the same feeling as winning with The Giants. Jude wished he could let go, but he had worked so damn hard to make it and then everything had been ruined in one night, long before he ever should have been hanging up his jersey. He felt like he had a right to be a little bitter about it. Everything in his life had been about football and then suddenly the thing he loved most of all was the very thing that felt like a dagger to the heart.
“I’m not a movie guy. I like Tarantino and the older Batman movies.” He shrugged, climbing in the car and making fast work of his seatbelt and slotting his keys in the ignition. Jude stayed quiet for most of the car ride, not really feeling much like talking. He felt better away from the crowds of football fans, but it was all still weighing on him. Plus, taking Maddie to his apartment was another situation that had him on edge slightly. There was a lot of sports stuff there that he couldn’t throw away because of memories, but it led to questions which meant painful answers. Jude was just tired of it all today. He didn’t thrive on the attention. He was pulling into his assigned bay sooner than he realised, and wordlessly killed the engine before climbing out. “I’m the top floor. I’d take the stairs if I was on my own, but I’m not, so…” He trailed off, cracking his neck and glancing down at Maddie as he led her across to the apartment building door, using his key fob to unlock it.
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TAGGED! Madison Abigail Coltrain WORDS! 536! OUTFIT! Handsome Hunk! LYRICS! Ambling Alp - - Yeasayer NOTES! <3 <3 <3
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Post by Madison Abigail Coltrain on Dec 14, 2018 18:34:06 GMT -5
Maddie wasn't entirely sure what was up with Jude. She could take a guess but the chances of her being right were slim to none. She had never been any good at figuring things like that out. Still, she wouldn't turn her back on him when he clearly needed a friend and to be away from the cried cheering on whatever game was airing on the TV screens scattered about. He didn't know how many times he helped her so she was happy to return the favour. Maddie stayed quiet through the drive back to his apartment, taking in the sights on the streets. She loved New York for the simple fact that you never really knew what you were going to see at any given moment and everyone just blended together so well. They meshed far better in the Big Apple than they did in Tennessee which she loved to see. It never really mattered if you were homeless or a Wall St billionaire, they say on the same lot some walls and went about their lives.
"I'm not afraid of a little sweat. Or stairs. Don't change your routine because I'm with you." She told him with a wave. She might have taken the elevator at her own apartment but that was her preference. Sometimes it had to do with the fact that she had parcels to bring up with her and sometimes it had everything to do with being exhausted and unable to do anything more than lean against the wall of the elevator while she considered what she might do when she could focus again. Maddie didn't want pity since she'd done it all to herself and this was just the more long-term self-enacted punishment. Her psychologist back in Tennessee had suggested she was depressed because she wasn't living the life she had been but it wasn't that exactly.
Madison never wanted to go back to being that girl and it was pretty easy away from the crowd she'd run with before to stay on the right path but she did on occasion, feel like she wasn't worth the air she was breathing. They were surprisingly rare days but they did happen and she knew how to fix them but it always took time. However, days with her friends and nights out with Jude gave her the confidence she needed to move herself on to better things. She did miss the things she'd done when she'd been back in Nashville. She had loved the hockey games, which she avoided going to now whenever the Predators were in town. She still happily watched them out at a sports bar, cheering the local team on with the rest of the crowd. She was a Rangers fan but depending on which part of the city she was in, she was also a fan of the Islanders. But it was good for her to be able to socialise and be with friends and not have someone offer up something illegal because none of the people she kept in her circle did those things. It was the breath of fresh air that she had needed to move on from the wicked person she'd been. Tonight wasn't about her, however, so Maddie was going to leave her personal doubts behind and try to make Jude feel better than he was feeling at the moment.
tag|| jude william farrell Words|| 562 Music|| Perfect Storm --Brad Paisley Notes|| <3!
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Post by jude william farrell on Apr 1, 2019 12:32:40 GMT -5
Jude hated feeling like this. It was no one’s fault that his pro career had ended so quickly. There was no one to blame for a dirty grab or tackle. It had been a bad case of luck that no one could have predicted or warned him about. Yet he still longed for something to cling to, something to take the blame. Life was not fair, but this was the one thing in his life that Jude had wanted to stomp his feet and yell about. It was hard to live in a city when his broken dream was all around him, but Jude couldn’t bring himself to leave New York either. He supposed he was responsible for his own suffering these days, sticking around with all the painful reminders of football and what could have been. Jude hated that his past still held him in a vice grip even after weeks of a good, happy life. It was that dark shadow that draped over him, smothering any happiness like a thick blanket.
It was ruining his day and his time with Maddie. His head was overflowing with thoughts at the best of times, but this had just made it so much worse. He wasn’t an actor by any means, so he knew there was no way to hide how he was really feeling. He was radiating with this uncomfortable aura and he knew it – which made him feel even worse and trapped him in this vicious cycle. “Some people hate taking the stairs.” He said with a lame shrug. He was far from being at the top of his game – and even that wasn’t the most impressive. He was an athlete, not a charismatic politician who could charm the masses. His skill was on the field or in the gym, improving on his body and helping others do the same. It didn’t require many words, just a few quick instructions and advice for improvement. He wasn’t a man to give speeches or seduce someone with quick lines and all the things they wanted to hear.
Jude led the way up the stairs in silence. He kept thinking of something to say, something that might break the tension, but it was no use. Every bumbling word that popped into his mind was pathetic or just sounded completely wrong to him. There was so much he probably could say, some explanation he could give about his sour mood, but none of them sat right with him. He hated using his story to garner pity or sympathy. Jude’s was the only “penthouse” apartment – which was what it had been described as when he bought the place before his football career was over. He hated that word though. It made him feel snobbish when he was far from it. He had a top floor apartment with a nice view from the living room and kitchen. It was a real bachelor’s pad, filled with sport memorabilia in the second spare room which he had converted into a “match room” for whenever he did feel like watching sports. The room that was designed to be a study was now a small gym with his favourite machines. It worked as a nice substitute for when he wasn’t feeling up to going to the gym for himself. It was all browns and blues, leather and chrome. There wasn’t too much by way of décor or accessories, but then Jude hated things that cluttered up the place. He had a few photos here and there and a couple of house plants that were mostly the type that could survive if he didn’t water them regularly. “This is home.” He said on a soft sigh as he swung the door open and hooked his keys onto the wall mounted peg.
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TAGGED! Madison Abigail Coltrain WORDS! 814! LYRICS! Ambling Alp - - Yeasayer NOTES! <3 <3 <3
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