They'll Run • •

[jude william farrell]

Jude was having one of those days where he would rather stay at home instead of coming out into the crowds of New York City, but he wasn’t the kind of guy who cancelled on plans anymore. He was afraid of it opening up the door to a dark downwards spiral again. However, The Giants had triumphed the day before and when Jude was training with one of his regular clients he saw the fans still about the city, the story on the news and splashed across the newsstands. It was hardly uncommon since it was football and they were in the closing weeks of the season, but it was still painful for him. Instead of being a part of those celebrations he was helping a slightly overweight man who wanted to lose several stone jog through Central Park, ignoring his complaints about the snow and the weather. It wasn’t the life Jude had dreamt of, but instead it was the life he had found himself lumbered with after his knee gave out and his professional career with The Giants was through.

He had been looking forward to a change in his normal life, and this night out with Maddie was just that. It was nothing fancier than grabbing a bite at Planet Hollywood, but it was something beyond hitting his private gym and working himself until he couldn’t go any longer. Now though he wasn’t quite so enthusiastic about it. Throughout the day he grew tempted to call her and cancel. It wouldn’t be all that difficult to tell her that something had come up and that they needed to reschedule. From what he could tell, she didn’t know who he was. She didn’t know that he had been an up and coming star who millions of people had their eyes on, bet money on, and expected huge things from. He was just Jude to her. He liked it, and it was pretty much the reason why he kept her in his life after that night when they first met. Besides her, the only people in New York who he was in contact with had known him before the tragic accident on the field. If not, then they were his clients who paid him to get them in shape and keep them that way. Some of them knew who he was; it was the sole reason why they hired him.

In the end though, Jude didn’t cancel. It was just with great reluctance that he got into his hot shower and scrubbed himself clean before pulling on a clean outfit from his wardrobe. Again, another change from the norm was not to be dressed in workout gear, but he hardly wanted to show up looking like he was about to lift weights or ask her to run. He grabbed his wallet and his keys and chose to take his car instead of relying on one of New York’s bright cabs. It meant he had to deal with the hassle of parking, but Jude didn’t mind. He found a spot after five minutes of patient searching and then cut the engine, taking another couple of minutes to pull himself together. He hoped he didn’t look miserable when he got inside, but he doubted that he would be all sunshine and merriment either; his heart just wasn’t feeling it, and Jude couldn’t fake it. Planet Hollywood was crowded when he got inside and the blonde haired host who looked like she would rather be anywhere else too, guided him to a table close to the bar, handing him a menu and putting one in the empty space for when Maddie arrived. He was a little early, he noticed when he looked up at the bright clock.

• • •

TAGGED! Madison Abigail Coltrain
WORDS! 625!
OUTFIT! Handsome Hunk!
LYRICS! Ambling Alp - - Yeasayer
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Madison Abigail Coltrain]

Since making the move to New York, Maddie forced herself to get out more. She wanted to push the boundaries of her illness as the doctor’s called it. She wanted to prove that she could be around all the substances she took to with fervor and not fall back down the rabbit hole once again. She’d done so much when she’d been younger; a hell of a lot more than most adults did in their lifetimes. She’d been a terror for her family before they’d gotten her to see sense. But that was her past and she didn’t want to relive it but she wanted to prove to herself she was strong enough to do it. And as it turned out, she was; which was a miracle since she’d been so keen to take to the bottle. But because of her past, she didn’t care about those of others.

Maddie only cared about people from the moment she met them. If they did something in the past, who really cared? It was in the past! But if they did it to her or while she knew them, she would form opinions on that. That was why she liked Jude. He didn’t look at her and see the old Maddie. The one who would spend an entire week on a bender, her parents unable to find her because she’d disappeared. More often than she’d care to admit these days, she would wake up on a bus, in a car or a hotel room in a different city because one of the hockey players she’d been partying with had talked her into tagging along. She couldn’t even say what happened during those black outs, but she knew no one else was to blame but her. She didn’t look her age, she didn’t act her age and she had been an excellent liar. She’d been seventeen, almost eighteen when she’d given it all up for her family. But she’d been telling people since the year before that she was twenty one. By now she had to be closing in on twenty three. She honestly couldn’t remember anymore.

However the friends she had now knew her age, her real age, knew her real name and everything else. Well, everything but her past. She didn’t want anyone to know the old Madison Coltrain. She only wanted them to know the reformed Maddie Coltrain; the good girl. Jude didn’t know the old Maddie and the brunette wanted to keep it that way. He was into health and fitness and she didn’t want him to turn that glare of his on her if he ever found out about her addicted past. She didn’t fidget as much around the man as she did others, he kept her mind busy which was an excellent thing for her. She looked forward to the times when they hung out because she wasn’t the reformed addict around him. She was something close to a normal girl.

She dressed up in something nice, she always did when she went out, like it was her suit of armour and added a little makeup to her usually clean face. She wore makeup enough, when she went to work and occasionally a swipe of mascara and gloss for school. But when she was running errands or puttering around the house, she tried to keep her face free of the makeup, her own little attempts at turning back time. She would never be that innocent girl again but with the makeup gone, it was as close as she was getting and she would take it. Ready for the night, Maddie left her apartment, hailing a cab on the street to take her to meet up with Jude. It wasn’t anything fancy, just dinner but it was a reason to get out of the house and get her nose out of her textbooks. She was five minutes late when the cabbie pulled up outside Planet Hollywood so she told him to keep whatever change was left and hopped out. The building was crowded and she was instantly hit with the smell of a top shelf whiskey, a smell she remembered well and one that rolled her stomach these days. Smiling when she spotted Jude, she declined the hostess’s help and started towards him, waving when she got close and grabbed his attention. She motioned for him not to get up and leaned over to press a quick kiss to his cheek. “Hey, I’m so sorry I’m late.” She said, taking the seat across from him.

tag|| jude william farrell
Words|| 757
Clothes|| Pretty in Peach
Music|| Perfect Storm --Brad Paisley
Notes|| <3!

[jude william farrell]

People could go on all they wanted about not letting the past define them, but Jude refused to accept that about himself. His past was unavoidable, especially when it was plastered on big screens in bars across the country week in and week out. He should have been up on those televisions, wearing the jersey and running with his old teammates. It was impossible for him not to think like that, even now when he was living as normal a life as he ever could. Plus, with commentators occasionally mentioning his name and what a great tragedy it had been for the Giants, and the sport, to lose him at such a young age it wasn’t like Jude could properly close that chapter of his life. He would never fully move on from it, no matter what advice people gave to him or how many times they told him that it would get better.

His life had got better. It was probably as good as it could get right now. Being good wasn’t what Jude had hoped for though. He had imagined something great, and had been on his way there. It was hard to pick it up again when dreams were shot to tatters. It was even harder to have to go and confront those dreams again when there was absolutely no chance of chasing them again. He passed a few familiar jerseys in the street and turned his head out of a recent habit. He was used to people approaching him, but since the injury he wasn’t all that keen on being spotted in public and having to relive the memory of that particular day in the life. Jude was just hoping that no one came and bothered him while he was waiting on Maddie to arrive at the restaurant.

He was caught up in his own thoughts, chin resting on his clasped hands when Maddie’s voice snapped him back to the present. Forcing a slight smile, Jude leaned back in his seat. “Don’t worry about it. I haven’t been here all that long.” He handed her one of the menus and casually let his eyes rove over the list of dishes. He wasn’t feeling all that hungry, his mood quelling his appetite despite their plans for the evening involving dinner. “So, what do you fancy tonight?” He asked, rubbing the back of his beck. Jude needed to say something before his testy mood forced an uncomfortable silence to fall across their table. If it happened then Maddie might start asking the kind of questions that Jude often tried to avoid because he was tired of answering them, and bored of people offering him their pity and sympathy when they heard the story so many sports fans already knew. He couldn’t move on from it, but he hated being stuck in such a repetitive loop over and over where he just found himself talking about it again, and again. He had hoped that once Maddie arrived his mood might boost a little, but so far he was still feeling awkward, wishing he was in the privacy of his apartment where no one’s eyes might fall upon him.

• • •

TAGGED! Madison Abigail Coltrain
WORDS! 533!
OUTFIT! Handsome Hunk!
LYRICS! Ambling Alp - - Yeasayer
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Madison Abigail Coltrain]

Maddie had gone through quite a difficult time only a few short months before. She was determined not to fall down that path again but it had only been a few months, a little over a year and some days it was touch and go. She never touched but the thought remained for a few minutes before she shook it off and ran off to the gym to work it all away. She didn't want her past to define her, not really. But at the same time, she needed to remember all that she'd gone through so she never went there again. Maddie had needed a fresh start and New York was that for her. No one in the big apple knew what she'd gone through before the move and she wanted to keep it that way for as long as she possibly could. She didn't want to see the looks of disgust or pity that she'd seen too often back in Tennessee.

There was too much pressure back in Nashville and too many eyes. In New York, no one knew exactly who Madison Coltrain was and she liked it that way. Her past could be shrouded in mystery and that was perfectly fine because everyone else who found themselves in New York from other places, and some who weren't transplants were in the same boat; they had things to hide. Jude didn't know about her background. And Maddie liked it that way. She was terrified he'd hate her if he ever found out the truth and then she'd lose a really good friend. She didn't have many of those and losing even one would be terrible. But Maddie kept her head high and she tried for an optimistic attitude about it all. It was all she had left these days. She did wish though that getting through the city was easier. She wouldn't be late half as much as she was if she could get through the bustling city's traffic without getting frustrated; the main reason she never drove her own car.

Thankfully, Jude didn't seem to mind that she was constantly late to meet him. Obviously, she didn't do it on purpose and one word from her mouth made it obvious she wasn't a born and bred New York, accustomed to the hectic and congested streets. It gave her a bit a break. "Oh, good. I would have hated to keep you waiting forever." Maddie said, relieved as she took her seat across from Jude. She accepted the menu he offered, instantly looking it over for something to catch her eye. She hadn't thought about what she would get before she got there, instead waiting until she had the menu in her hand to surprise herself. "How bad is it that I really want nachos?" Maddie asked, laughing. She got all dressed up, mostly just because she felt like it, and went out to a nice restaurant, just to devour a plate of ooey, gooey nachos. She could have worn jeans for that. Hell, she could have stayed home for that, too. But since everything happened, she had turned to the mindset of letting herself give in to the cravings, as long as they weren't the ones from her old life. "What about you?" She asked, looking over her menu at him.

tag|| jude william farrell
Words|| 554
Clothes|| Pretty in Peach
Music|| Perfect Storm --Brad Paisley
Notes|| <3!

[jude william farrell]

It was difficult to avoid the bitterness when his ex-teammates were plastered all over the television and radio stations lately, their triumphs just about everywhere Jude could turn. He knew that he had plenty in life to be grateful for, but it was still a horrible feeling to have his dreams snatched from him in the blink of an eye, especially when he was still so young. It had taken a lot of his strength, and a lot of support from his family not to stray down a dark path and find comfort in drink or something worse. In the end Jude had found solace in his health and fitness, but that was all he had to focus on these days. His family sometimes worried that he pushed himself too hard, worked too much on keeping in shape, but it was all he knew and it was Jude’s only escape from the torment his mind threw at him when the football season was in full swing. His only other option would have been to move far away, out of America, and to a place where the sport was virtually unknown, but there was no way Jude could leave his home like that. He was too attached to his family.

It didn’t really matter where he went. His mom had once suggested moving out west for a fresh start, but Jude knew that he would still be recognised by someone. It might not be as easily as it was in New York City, but it would still happen and then he would be so far from home for nothing. He didn’t see the point in putting himself through it when it would only turn out to be a waste of time in the end. These days he had learnt that a great deal could be achieved with headphones in, and invisibility was just a case of keeping your head down at the right times. He had become quite the expert at it, though there were still a few people who had yet to be fooled by his skills of disappearing into the crowds, or around a corner. There would always be someone there to grab him and ask if he was Jude Farrell, confirming it for themselves before he could so much as open his mouth. He supposed it came with the territory of being a sports player, though one day it would fade away and maybe then he could go back to being melancholy about his lost dreams without anyone actually having to remind him of them.

He smiled a little, shrugging his broad shoulders slightly. “I’m used to waiting on people.” It came with the trade now, but Jude took a firm stance on people wasting his time. He didn’t mind waiting on people for a little while, since they still had to pay him for his time, but they couldn’t keep him hanging out forever. He had other clients and other places to be. Jude wasn’t going to wait on people for the rest of his days. Chuckling while he looked over his own menu, Jude nodded his head in agreement. “Nachos do sound good. Though I think I’ll stick with the chicken Caesar salad, and a side of curly fries.” Jude always stuck with that, or a burger if he felt like indulging, but he was one of his usual health kicks lately, and not feeling the mood to binge tonight. Maybe it was because he wasn’t really feeling in the mood for a night out.

• • •

TAGGED! Madison Abigail Coltrain
WORDS! 593!
OUTFIT! Handsome Hunk!
LYRICS! Ambling Alp - - Yeasayer
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Madison Abigail Coltrain]

New York was the bright spot in Maddie’s life so far. She had wanted a fresh start and the big apple provided her that; even if she had to visit the doctor’s office once a week to prove she was still clean and provide proof she still had her job and was still attending school. It was ridiculous, but if the roles had been reversed and she was in her parent’s shoes, it wasn’t likely she would have even allowed her to move from Tennessee in the first place. But then again her parent’s were parents and knew better while she was still just a kid, trying to figure life out. She only had her experiences to go on and those told her she would have been far stricter with her situation than her parents were. A couple tests a week and she was free to live her life in a different state? That sounded as close to freedom as Maddie was going to get until her twenty-fifth birthday.

Maddie rolled her eyes. This wasn’t the first time Jude had told her this. “Yes but you shouldn’t have to wait for me.” She said with a light sigh, noticing Jude’s less than stellar mood. She was forever late, she knew that. It was a miracle she still had a job but Cash covered for her and she adored the man for it. Without him, she would probably be jumping from job to job in vain hopes of showing up on time every day she was supposed to work. As it was she was only late for a shift or two which was preferable over missing them altogether; something she had yet to do in the months since she’d started at the museum. Plus, she made up for being late but working a few minutes later than she needed to, feeling bad for it. Maddie had an inkling her bosses knew about it and that was why she was allowed to stay later when she was late. At least she was proving to them that even though she was occasionally late, she was dependable.

“You can stick to the healthy food, you’re not a scrawny twig to be lost if they turned sideways.” She pointed out. She was petite, verging on sickly thin. It was a result of the last few adventurous years. She had been thin beforehand but now, it was just too much; even for her. So she ate pretty much whatever she pleased, hoping to gain at least a little bit of weight. It didn’t matter to her if it wasn’t exactly healthy or not, she worked out so at least the scrawny description wasn’t exactly correct. She was small but she had quite a bit of muscle hiding under her skin. It just didn’t look like it. Maddie was okay with that. She would never be Amazon tall or even an average height without the aid of heels, she would never be a healthy weight because she couldn’t gain anything more than muscle and though it helped, it still didn’t have her reaching anything close to a goal weight for her height. When the waitress stopped at their table, Maddie threw caution to the wind and ordered her nachos and a Coke because she needed a sugar high about as much as she needed a real drink; not at all.

tag|| jude william farrell
Words|| 599
Clothes|| Pretty in Peach
Music|| Perfect Storm --Brad Paisley
Notes|| <3!

[jude william farrell]

Jude had occasionally thought about leaving New York. There was nothing there for him anymore, but then he also didn’t know where else he would go in life. Heading back to Bridgeport would only result in everyone there offering him their sympathies and pity for how his dreams had crumbled. Jude knew he couldn’t put up with that. It would ruin him and what was left of his sanity. New York might have been tough, but he was still close to what could have been that he had been able to build something from the wreckage. It was nowhere near what he had wanted, but it was at least something. Then there was the rest of the country where he might have had a better chance at remaining anonymous, but he wouldn’t have anything more that his self-employment chance as a personal trainer and he would have to build his reputation again. His reputation had started from what he had once been, and it had been painful to start with until now when he had a name in his own right. Jude couldn’t start again and trade off the tatters of his football career once more. He was stuck in New York, even if the desire to leave did strike him again.

“I shouldn’t have to do a lot of things, but I’m getting used to this one.” He said, smirking ever so slightly. Jude’s mood might mean he didn’t want to be here this evening, but he could still be slightly sociable. He had been raised with decent manners after all, and he wasn’t going to be completely rude to Maddie. Jude could have called their plans off completely if he had wanted to, but he needed to stop hiding away from the world just because the Giants won a game. He couldn’t spend the rest of his life doing it and people had told him that time heals all wounds. Time must’ve been taking forever with him because his pain still felt as raw as the day his injury had happened on a night like this, but he was biting down and tensing his muscles and just hoping to get through it. A couple of hours, a few glasses of spring water, and then he could head back to his apartment and take his pain out on his gym equipment. He kept telling himself that he could do it.

Folding the menu back up again, Jude scrubbed his fingers through his short hair. “I have a diet to stick to, thank you very much.” Jude was very careful about what he put into his body. He was hard on himself, a very disciplined man when it came to his training even if he technically had nothing to train for. He just liked to be at his best and Jude wasn’t a fan of all processed foods or pigging out on junk food. He liked the way he lived and how he did things, it made him feel like he was in control of things, even when life dealt him a terrible hand. He ordered his salad, fries, and just a water from the waitress, and then leaned back in his seat, glancing around and silently hoping that the food didn’t take too long to arrive.

• • •

TAGGED! Madison Abigail Coltrain
WORDS! 551!
OUTFIT! Handsome Hunk!
LYRICS! Ambling Alp - - Yeasayer
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Madison Abigail Coltrain]

Before New York, Maddie’s life was a giant mess. She was with a rehab center that was exceptionally good at keeping their patient’s names out of the press for a year and that was the good part. Before that, she’d been in and out of more clubs in Nashville than she should have been; more in than out of in fact. She was lying about everything, messing around with hockey players and went on more benders than she cared to count; genuinely scared of the answer to that question. The breaking point for the entire family was when she woke up out of state. She’d managed to get on the Nashville Predator’s bus and went with the NHL team to their away game, which was close enough that a plane trip wasn’t necessary. Having to make that phone call had been the wake up call they had all needed and now she was better; way too thin but better.

New York wasn’t just Maddie’s fresh start, it was her last chance. If she couldn’t make it here, it was back to Nashville in a second, put away back in her childhood home where she would probably stay for the rest of her life, being treated like an invalid. Maddie needed New York to work. She couldn’t go back to Nashville. She hated going back even for the holidays. She never left the house in the handful of days she was there, fearing she would run into someone from her old life and fall back in with them. She thought she was stronger than that, she wanted to be but at the end of it all, she didn’t know if she could stand strong against the pull of the adventure. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were trying to be flirty, Jude.” Maddie said, trying her luck at teasing the man across from her. He just seemed so down that she wanted to make him laugh, even a little bit.

“So do I. It’s called “putting on weight any way I can.” So I plan on doing just that.” She said with a grin. She knew how strict Jude was about his own health and well-being. If she hadn’t royally screwed herself up, she might have been the same way but she had. And now it was a matter of putting on weight instead of keeping the one she had or losing what little she’d managed to keep through the binges back in Nashville. It wasn’t the safest way to go about it but she was tiny and had an impressive metabolism before the drugs and alcohol. In that way, she was one of the lucky ones, the downside was that by the time she was forty, her heart would probably seize with all that nasty business stuck to the walls of her arteries.

tag|| jude william farrell
Words|| 515
Clothes|| Pretty in Peach
Music|| Perfect Storm --Brad Paisley
Notes|| <3!

[jude william farrell]

Jude had surprised people by keeping his head about him after his life went to shit. It wasn’t everyone who could hold themselves together when their dreams blew up in their face and they were basically facing a dark abyss. It wasn’t like he just couldn’t play football for a major team anymore, Jude simply couldn’t play ever again. The damage done had been severe enough that if he continued to pursue that career, that dream, he was only going to keep putting himself back in hospital, back in surgery, back on crutches, until eventually he was hobbling about in agony for the rest of his days, popping pain pills like they were candy. He didn’t want that future for himself, not even with how much he loved the game. There had been a lot of staring into that nothingness, teetering on the edge of a dark hole and wondering how far the drop would be, but Jude had managed to hang on to something, by some miracle. After that, he had pushed himself in every way that he could to keep fit, to stay in shape. It was probably unhealthy just how much he had focussed on it, but it was either that or he did take a leap into that abyss and probably with a bottle in both hands.

Raising his eyebrows and looking over at Maddie with an ever so slightly bemused look, Jude shook his head and then cast his eyes back down at the table. “You should know better.” He said blandly. Jude was really not himself tonight, but he was far from the flirty type of guy at the best of times. He had friends who tried to force him on dates because he was one hell of a good looking man, but he just never seemed to be interested in finding a girlfriend and settling down like that. Still, it didn’t seem to matter how many times he told them that or failed to get a second date from the ladies they put in front of him, they still tried, and failed again. In recent years, his social skills had slipped quite dramatically with flirting taking probably the biggest of the blows.

“Until the day you reach the age where you just balloon up.” So many of his clients commented about being able to eat whatever they liked when they were young, and then one day they hit an age where it wasn’t possible anymore and the weight just piled on. It wasn’t long after that they started hitting the gym, trying all the fad diets they could and desperately longing to get back to the days of their youth. With Jude he tried to show them that it wasn’t possible, but they could easily maintain a trim figure if they got into good habits and didn’t slump into bad ones like they had been able to get away with once upon a time. With some they understood it right away, but there were others who threw hissy fits and thought Jude would have some miracle cure for them and not hard work and effort. If he didn’t demand good money from them there were a few he would have walked out on after the first week, but he was paid well for what he offered, and for good reason.

• • •

TAGGED! Madison Abigail Coltrain
WORDS! 561!
OUTFIT! Handsome Hunk!
LYRICS! Ambling Alp - - Yeasayer
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Madison Abigail Coltrain]

Like anyone who was a recovering addict, Maddie had her good days and her bad days but she was making it through, day by day. She was far better now than she’d been a year ago. Last year she wouldn’t have been allowed to leave the house without someone with her. A year was a long time and Maddie had been determined to make the most of it. So she’d worked her ass off making sure she had all the credits she needed to get her high school diploma, that she gained enough weight the doctors approved and mutually agreed to let her leave the facility without any return trips on the books. She had been counting the days back then until she could say goodbye to the rehab centre and never look back on it.

Thankfully these days were going much better and Maddie had yet to give into the rare cravings for a drink. And she wouldn’t either. Despite the group she went dancing with, Maddie actually had a really good crowd of friends surrounding her. And she had a good job that kept her busy when she didn’t have a class fulling her time. So for Maddie, it didn’t matter that her parents demanded regular drug tests and doctor’s appointments, or that she had to talk to a counselor, specialising in drug addiction. She would do anything to prove to her parents that she was clean and sober and that she was going to stay that way until she died. “A girl can dream.” Maddie said with a sigh, as if it were her lifelong dream to have Jude flirt with her. He really wasn’t the type. She knew that and she hadn’t known the man all that long when she really thought about it; though it felt like she’d known him for ages.

Maddie’s main concern these days wasn’t finding herself a man or getting top grades in her classes, it was getting up to an appropriate weight. She was actually almost there, but being almost there wasn’t there. Her bones still poked through when she wore something a little too tight but Maddie sort of suspected that it was something that would probably never change. “Please, I’m going to have a heart attack before that happens.” She joked but it ended on a sigh because she knew the lecture about to come her way. “Tell you what, when I hit my goal, I’m ten pounds away, by the way, you can lecture me all you’d like about eating healthy and exercise and blah, blah, blah, if you’ll tell me why you’re in such a foul mood. Strong, silent type though you may be, this is actually a whole new level.” She said, looking straight ahead at Jude and not down at her menu or the people around them.

tag|| jude william farrell
Words|| 515
Clothes|| Pretty in Peach
Music|| Perfect Storm --Brad Paisley
Notes|| <3!

[jude william farrell]

Those who knew Jude before the injury that saw his professional sporting career end abruptly were often told that he was doing good, sometimes even great. Jude was often lying to these people. He might have had a new career as a personal trainer, and it might have paid the bills, but he was far from feeling great. Surviving might have been a more accurate description of most days, but he wasn’t about to say that and suffer through endless daily phone calls from his family who wanted to see if he had managed to get out of bed or if he wanted to come home for a little while. He was closing in on thirty and not about to go running back to his parents just because he wasn’t living the life he had dreamed of. Jude couldn’t live that life. It was as simple and as cruel as that. Without that dream he didn’t have that same rush anymore and there was nothing that could replace it that he suspected wasn’t illegal. That wasn’t Jude’s style and it wasn’t something he had even considered, not even for a second. So, he just made do with what he could. He wasn’t grinning like a madman, or dancing in the rain, but he was coping and he had something to get out of bed for. Match days, or days where The Giants were being praised just felt like he was having his soul ripped out through his chest and then twisted and torn apart. It was excruciating and not something he thought he would ever get over.

What had happened had changed him. People had told him that even though they didn’t need to. Jude hadn’t exactly expected to remain his old self after having everything he had worked so hard for almost his entire life just snatched from him in a heartbeat. That’s the sort of thing that will shake up a person’s personality for the long haul. He had retreated into himself. He had decided that social nights out weren’t for him as much. And he had chosen to push himself more than what was necessary. It was all he had left when fate had taken away his team and his sport. Ultimately, it had cost him a lot. “So I’ve been told.” He said with a small shrug, raising his glass to his lips. He had never been great with the fairer sex, even when they were falling all over him. In fact, he was probably worse when they were falling all over him. It made Jude terribly uncomfortable.

Jude didn’t mean to be awful company tonight. Alas, unlike some talented people in the world, he couldn’t fake it when he was feeling bad. His emotions were dark most of the time, but they could pass as brooding, so when he was feeling downright rotten it showed just about everywhere. He tried to hide it, but it always failed, which was why he did his best just to stay home alone when he was in this kind of state. Tonight that hadn’t been an option for him. “Sorry. Just one of those days.” He mumbled, fiddling with the edge of his t-shirt as he looked down.

• • •

TAGGED! Madison Abigail Coltrain
WORDS! 543!
OUTFIT! Handsome Hunk!
LYRICS! Ambling Alp - - Yeasayer
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Madison Abigail Coltrain]

Maddie didn’t keep in contact with anyone she used to know. It was just easier to keep the two sides of her life separate. The only things from the new and the old that stayed through the changes were her family members. Her mother and father and her sister were the only people she let stick around and that was mostly because she didn’t really have a choice on the matter. They were family, they were going to be there through all the good times and the bad ones, too. The Coltrain’s were a testament to that fact. Maddie had been in a very bad place, one that if she’d continued on the same path she wouldn’t have been alive to see the next birthday. And here she was eighteen and getting healthier every day. It was a miracle in her eyes because she’d thought at one point that she was a hopeless case.

The move helped wonders but to get to that point, she’d had to go through so much therapy and rehab and all sorts of crap that had driven her mad while she was going through the process. It hadn’t been easy to talk about those first few months in the centre. She had wanted to get out and return home but she’d needed to stay in there for a specific set of hours; at least until she had stopped with the jittery shakes. In her case, it had been a few months and then it was outpatient but that was so much better, she could be home. The promise of the move out of state was the real thing that had gotten her through everything. She wanted a fresh start away from everything that had set her down the wrong path in the first place. “I’d much rather you’d tell me straight. Your flirting is terrible.” She told him, grinning. She’d known him for long enough to know he just really couldn’t flirt at all. It was much easier getting him to say something straight than to try and get something flirty out of him. It had led to Maddie laughing at the situation more than once.

“Bullshit.” She said calling him out on it. “Don’t forget that I’ve seen those bad days and this goes beyond that. This is something else. So what is it?” She asked, looking around to see if there was something or someone in the restaurant that was making him uncomfortable or upset but she didn’t see anything out of the ordinary for New York. There were football fans everywhere, not her people as she knew nothing at all about the sport, mixed with hockey fans, those were her people and despite knowing she should have given up that when she’d given up the drugs and alcohol, she hadn’t been able to. She often joked it was her only vice left. But other than that, she didn’t notice anything unusual. Jude was still getting all those looks from the pretty girls who wanted him and she was getting the “what the hell is she doing with him” looks that she’d gotten quite used to after that first night they’d skipped out of the club and grabbed food instead.

tag|| jude william farrell
Words|| 587
Clothes|| Pretty in Peach
Music|| Perfect Storm --Brad Paisley
Notes|| <3!

[jude william farrell]

Jude didn’t like being reminded of the past. Given the team he’d played for, the city he lived in and the career everyone thought he would have, it was near impossible to forget completely. Still, there were people he had let drift from his life because being around them was just too painful. Some understood that without needing to hear him explain it, others still thought he was being a bit of a dick about the whole thing. Jude wouldn’t wish dashed dreams on anyone, but those people who resented him for moving away from them would never be able to understand what he was still going through to this day unless they themselves lost the very thing they wanted most of all. He would never in a million years wish upon all the stars in the sky for that to happen to them. They may think him a grade A asshole for how he was now, but Jude still cared about them even if he couldn’t be around them. It wasn’t productive to his own mental or emotional health to be constantly stuck in the past and he already had a hard enough time focusing on the future and what he was trying to build now. In his eyes, it would never be good enough.

Jude played with the ice in his drink, circling his glass and watching as the melting cubes hit the edge of the glass. He fished one out with his tongue and chewed it between his back teeth. He didn’t like being here tonight. He didn’t want to be here tonight. Already he had felt a few glances in his direction, caught a few whispers. Commentators dragged his name up often enough that he was still relevant even without playing in so long. Jude wished it could die down already, but his had been the worst career ending injury in recent years, and with him being so young at the time it was shocking for so many in the sports universe. Sure, players retired through injury on a semi-regular basis, but Jude had been the up and coming star. He was the one everyone was watching, the guy who could be unstoppable on the field. “And if I told you straight what would you do then? Ten years is a pretty big number.” He wasn’t being serious, at least he didn’t think he was. Jude was just speaking so that he didn’t have to think about the eyes he could feel on him at that moment. He knew there were a few girls at the bar, whispering and glancing over. He wanted them to stay away. Just stay right where they were and be giddy from afar.

Jude let out a sigh and shook his head. “I’m just not feeling so hot, okay. I didn’t want to cancel on you though, so here I am.” He didn’t want to tell her the truth. He didn’t want sympathetic looks from her, or to have to hear anything at all about what he had been through, especially not in a bar currently full of football fans wearing his old colours. It was hellish enough to be there without thinking that someone might overhear him talking first-hand about what had happened. “I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” He left the table and went to the toilets to splash some water on his face and just take a five minute break away from the crowds and the stares. Thankfully, the bathroom was empty and he could take a breather for thirty seconds without it seeming like he was going crazy.

• • •

TAGGED! Madison Abigail Coltrain
WORDS! 612!
OUTFIT! Handsome Hunk!
LYRICS! Ambling Alp - - Yeasayer
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Madison Abigail Coltrain]

Maddie wasn't as stupid as people thought she was. She noticed things. She noticed a lot of things but she didn't always understand the things she saw; just like anyone else. The looks she and Jude were getting weren't unusual and normally both of them could easily ignore them. Add in that Jude was on edge, even if he said he wasn't and it was painting an odd picture. But she was trying not to be that girl who just said whatever came to mind. The petite brunette had been told too many times that it was rude and before, well, she hadn't given a damn if it was or wasn't but she was trying to become a better person. Someone who was deserving of friends and a future. The old Maddie would have been found in a dumpster eventually or the side of the road after something horrific had happened. It was the sad truth and she knew it, had already come to terms with it and that just by knowing the thought scared her meant she was already on a better path for herself.

She wanted to prove to her parents she was still their little girl, that she had a bright future ahead of her, even if they didn't really approve of her studies. They were just happy that she was actually in school and following something that interested her that didn't include her previous favorite hobbies. Her life was her own again and I'd it hadn't been, she never would have met Cash or any of her friends from work or school and she wouldn't have met Jude. She actually liked that he habitually harped on her eating habits. Outside of the rehab she had been in, she'd never had that and inside, well, it hadn't been exactly pleasant. She knew they were doing their jobs, they didn't necessarily care about the patients. It Jude didn't know any of that so coming from him, she knew it meant that he actually cared, even if it was a tiny bit habit thanks to his job. Maddie still appreciated it, even if Jude had no idea what he was doing for her. Madison had become so fiercely independent when she had moved to New York that for a while she had forgotten what it was like to have someone say little things like that.

When Jude excused himself from the table, Maddie really started to suspect something was up. Being moody and quiet wasn't new but the agitation and irritability was something different and definitely new. Then the waiter passed by and she stopped him to see about getting their meal boxed up to go instead. Something in the restaurant was upsetting Jude and Maddie knew she wouldn't get a single answer out of him while they were there. Of course, Maddie also had no idea about Jude's part either. There were plenty of things they'd been keeping from each other. Maddie knew why she was hiding her past; she didn't want to see those blue eyes disappointed in her or hate her because she had almost thrown her whole life away. But she had no idea what Jude's secrets were. It was something she wanted to change but knew that also meant revealing her secrets and she wasn't quite ready for that yet so she had been keeping her mouth shut. But after ask of this, she wasn't so sure that was the best idea anymore. It certainly seemed like a good idea to open up tonight when he seemed so on edge. The waiter returned with large containers in a plastic bag and the bill quickly enough and Maddie handed over the required notes and a few extra for the trouble he had to go through for her. She stood then, hoping to catch Jude on his way back to the table so they could just make a hasty retreat through the back.

tag|| jude william farrell
Words|| 657
Clothes|| Pretty in Peach
Music|| Perfect Storm --Brad Paisley
Notes|| <3!

[jude william farrell]

Jude didn’t want to let anyone down, but he also wanted to get the hell out of there. He didn’t want to be out and about when the Giants played, and normally he wasn’t. He turned himself into something of a hermit in the hours before a game and kept it up for a day or two afterwards, depending on how the final score turned out. He didn’t develop cabin fever too much. His apartment was kitted out with the gym equipment he used daily, and he had enough entertainment in his home to keep him occupied. Plus, ever since the injury, Jude found himself quietly enjoying his own company more and more. There was something rather nice about not having to do things for other people besides the ones who paid him to be their PT. After games like this though, he lied through his teeth and told clients he had business plans, or personal matters that would keep him away, and if their usual slots fell on the days he wanted to hide away he rescheduled them and knocked a small percentage of his charge off for the inconvenience. It wasn’t their fault after all that he was still unable to deal with his dreams being utterly shattered in one bad tackle.

It could have happened to anyone. He could have dealt with it worse than he actually did. There were a million possible ways his life could have been different after that fateful day, but dwelling on them could change literally nothing. It just put Jude into a foul funk and did nothing for the people around him who actually cared. He had stopped counting the what ifs and wondering about the different paths a long time ago, simply because it was only going to drive him mad in the end. He was young, he could still have a good life in some way or another. He just needed to figure out what he wanted from life now. Sure, he had his clients and his business, but it didn’t come close to the feeling he had when he was on the football field in his jersey. Nothing had come close since. There were still a lot of fake people around who wanted to have their fifteen minutes of claim from simply knowing him, getting to his place and seeing the memorabilia he still kept around, which meant Jude was almost always on his guard when strangers approached with a little too friendly an attitude. It was a little sad, but he valued his privacy. He didn’t want to see it splashed on some gossip rag under a ‘what happened next’ title.

Jude knew he couldn’t hide in the bathroom forever. He might like to stay in there until closing, but that would be rude and he wasn’t raised that way. He sighed, scrubbing a hand through his short hair and pushed his way back through the heavy door. No sooner was he through it that two women jumped on him. They were in their twenties, blonde and far too excited about meeting him, one blurting out that he was just as hot in person as he was on the TV. Jude awkwardly greeted them and then reluctantly smiled for a selfie with the pair before saying his goodbyes and making his way back over to the table where he furrowed his eyebrows at the bagged up food. “Had enough of me?” He asked without a trace of humour, simply because he wasn’t feeling any tonight. Though, if he was honest, he wouldn’t blame Maddie one bit if she was sick of his company this evening. Even he was aware that his mood was low and his companionship the worst.

• • •

TAGGED! Madison Abigail Coltrain
WORDS! 624!
OUTFIT! Handsome Hunk!
LYRICS! Ambling Alp - - Yeasayer
NOTES! <3 <3 <3