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Post by briar cheyenne ames on Sept 29, 2018 13:57:07 GMT -5
There had been a time when Briar was fiercely independent. She had loathed having a bodyguard following her every move. She had just wanted to be like every other girl. She had wanted to go on dates, go shopping, spend her time with her friends without being watched by someone paid handsomely to ensure she didn’t get hurt. Now, now she’d cling to Matthew like a comforter if she thought she could honestly get away with it. She hated how much of herself had been lost to trauma. There were so many other survivors of worse things out there who managed to get up each day and cope with their nightmares. Briar felt like she was such a failure in comparison. She was a wreck, jumping at shadows and hiding behind someone else – even if he was paid for it. No one grew up wishing that they could be like she had turned out. No little girl played in her room wishing to be a recluse, to hide from everything that made her jump just a little bit.
Still, at least Matt was the best of the bunch. He was good to have a conversation with, and he sometimes actually seemed like he enjoyed her company instead of just being paid to be in it. Briar supposed she wasn’t too demanding. She lived a very quiet life, even if she did sometimes make him sweep the home or her pottery studio for no real cause other than something fell and it made her jump. Little things put her on edge. It only took the sound of pipes, or an accidental burn in the kitchen to trigger flashbacks to the kidnapping. When it had happened she had been far worse than she was now, but still nightmares and PTSD haunted her like demons chaining her down in some dark pit of hell.
She knew her relationship with Artie wasn't going to last. She liked him a lot, but it had always felt sort of like they were keeping company rather than planning a future. Briar completely understood when he had sat her down to tell her the truth. It was clear that there were unresolved feelings for this woman - the mother of his child. She never wanted to be the girl who got in the way of someone else's happiness. Not to mention, she genuinely believed that no one could be truly happy with her if they had to shoulder her demons too, or let another man share their living space because it was the only way Briar would feel safe. The fact that she wasn't heartbroken by the break up let Briar know that she had been right; they weren't destined for a fairy tale ending. It actually made her wonder if she should have done something about that sooner, but the past was not a place Briar wished to dwell.
It had been too long since she experienced the kind of happiness that flooded her life just a few short years ago. The closest Briar felt to that now was when she was in her pottery studio. She tried to spend as much time there as she could, and not just because it was kind of her career. She didn’t push her wares as hard as she could, nor did she frequent many of the kitsch craft markets that could really build her reputation. However, Briar had a small website, listed her works as they were ready and every now and then her sister came to the city and took some home to sell to some places in Rhode Island. Briar loved being in her studio. It was locked up, and hot, and full of light. Matt was always nearby while she did whatever she needed to do there, and that alone always made Briar feel better. Today the kiln was helping her forget that it was still winter outside, while she rearranged some of her storage areas. She just wasn’t tall enough to balance on the ladder and reach the topmost shelf. Peering over her shoulder, her eyes fell on the bodyguard she considered her closest friend, too. “Matt? Can you help me with this for a moment?” She didn’t enjoy using him for chores or heavy lifting, but Briar wasn’t the type to shy away when she needed help. Wiping her hands on a clean rag, she took the moment to ask the next question; one that would inevitably lead to a longer conversation. "And, it's not much notice, but we'll be moving back to my apartment tomorrow. Or the next day if you need the time to pack." Parting amicably with Artie meant that there was no sudden packing of bags or racing to the door. He had told Briar to take the time she needed to gather her things. She liked to think he'd remain a friend after all of this. It would be nice to have someone who knew of her past but who didn't try and force her to be someone she wasn't ready to be.
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TAGGED! Matthew Scott Linford WORDS! 848! LYRICS! Sick of Losing Soulmates - - - Dodie NOTES!
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