Everything To Lose • •

[briar cheyenne ames]

Briar yawned, turning the coffee machine on. She hadn’t slept well again, but that wasn’t so unusual. She had been the type to jolt awake at the slightest of noises ever since the kidnapping four years ago. And she didn’t like to take the pills the doctors prescribed to knock her out because they made her too drowsy. Briar needed to be alert or else her anxiety levels spiked more than normal. She lived with her fears daily now, despite therapists and her family doing everything to try and talk her out of her irrational worries. Briar knew she was unlikely to be kidnapped and held for ransom again, but that didn’t stop her checking all the windows and doors throughout the day, and asking her bodyguard to check them again before she settled for the night. She was paranoid and scared of the world around her, even though she had plenty of things to be grateful for. She had a hobby she had turned into a small career, and a boyfriend who seemed to tolerate her many issues; at least Briar had never heard him complain or moan when she cancelled on him or had a panic attack over something she knew was silly.

Matt, her bodyguard for the last four years, was already awake when she got up. He worked out most mornings before she needed him, but he never seemed surprise when she was up exceptionally early. She supposed he was used to it just as much as he was used to the nightmares and the social anxiety that swept over her and turned her into a recluse sometimes for days on end. Sometimes she was amazed he was still around when he had to put up with so much from her. She knew he was paid well, but even so she was sure he tolerated more than he originally signed up for. Briar made the usual small talk with him while she drank her coffee, wishing it would magically rid her of the dark circles under her eyes. She knew they would be there. She had been up early for the last four days now after restless nights of sleep. It happened like this in fits and bursts. Next week would probably be easier on her.

She made herself another cup of coffee and checked the time. It was a decent enough hour to start breakfast now, so she got the ingredients out to make pancakes. Artie would be down soon and she could have breakfast served up for him. She wasn’t the domesticated type normally, but Briar often felt like the worst girlfriend he could ask for. She bailed early at the events she did accompany him to, and there were so many she simply couldn’t bring herself to go to because of her fears. Not to mention he had to put up with the rest of her problems and he dealt with the fact that she had a live in bodyguard who she needed to be around twenty-four hours a day in order to feel safe. Artie accepted a lot about her and Briar felt like she gave so little back to thank him for it. Breakfast was the least she could do for him. Briar was just plating it up when she heard him coming in, and she quickly moved her hand to pull her hair down over the side of her face where her scars started. She knew Artie had seen them, but Briar was still very self-conscious about them and the way they tapered off down her face to her neck. Her hair was her armour, even around the people who cared for her. “I made pancakes.” She said quietly, with the ghost of a smile flashing across her lips for just a fraction of a second before it was gone again.

• • •

TAGGED! Arthur Cornelius Van Hope IV
WORDS! 643!
OUTFIT! Shy Sweetheart!
LYRICS! Everything to Lose - - Dido
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[Arthur Cornelius Van Hope IV]

Arthur was a busy man, always on the go but he'd been trying harder lately to be a good boyfriend as well as a good man. He'd made plenty of mistakes in his younger years, mistakes he wished beyond anything else he could take back but it was just too late. As soon as the words had left his mouth all those years ago, it had been too late. So he made up for it by devoting his time to helping inner city kids get ahead in life with dozens of programmes that gave them hundreds of opportunities to build up their self-esteem, their CV's and their friendships. There's absolutely no way, no matter how much good he put back into the world, that he would ever make up for what he'd done five or so years beforehand. He relived that day over and over again in his head but there was nothing he could do and he knew it. So he barreled forward, doing all he could do make someone else's life just a little bit easier.

He tried to not think about that day or the girl that stole his heart and then scared the life right out of him again. He'd been a child himself back then, unable to do much for himself, nevermind for anyone else. He'd been foolish and beat himself up for it all, knowing if he could go back in time and change it all, he would have without a second thought. Then of course, he wouldn't have fallen for Briar as he had. They would have known each other, their mother's were close friends but they wouldn't have gotten further than just being friends. And Artie wasn't sure how he felt about that either. He simply adored Briar. She was sweet and so nice and she was so fierce under all that understandable fear of the world outside. He'd been lucky she'd even given him the time of day! It was a difficult relationship, he wouldn't deny it but it was all worth it when she laughed at a terrible joke he'd made or smiled when he complimented her. He'd never thought he'd ever find himself living with another man either but whatever made Briar feel more comfortable, Artie was willing to give her. She had wanted a personal body guard after everything that had happened, so Artie hadn't blinked an eye when she said she couldn't move in with him unless Matthew came with her; she was part of a package deal. Artie agreed absolutely.

In fact, he would have preferred her not be alone either. He'd had to learn through his mother what had happened to her and even then, he'd only gotten the story that had gone to press. It had taken such a long time to get her to tell him what had happened and after that conversation, he would have hired a whole fleet of guards if that had been what she'd wanted. She'd only needed Matthew though and the Gramercy Park brownstone was definitely big enough for the three of them to live without ever even seeing each other. Artie wasn't surprised when he woke up to an empty bed. It was more common than actually finding Briar still sleeping next to him. She barely slept on a good night and last night he'd felt her tossing and turning more than usual. Artie crawled out of bed and headed straight for the bathroom and his morning routine when he realised Briar wasn't there next to him. He didn't worry about her in the house because Matthew didn't seem to ever sleep and seemed to almost always be awake. And Arthur had spent a lot of money to upgrade all the security in his home as well. It was all state of the art. He dressed quickly for the day, carrying his sui jacket down with him and tossing it on the back of a chair when he entered the kitchen. Briar was at the stove and Artie just stopped for a second and watched her. She was so beautiful and sweet. He definitely didn't deserve her. "Smells wonderful." He told her, moving over to the coffee pot, making sure to pass her so he could stop to press a feather light kiss to the top of her head. "Good morning, beautiful." He said looking down at her.

♦ ♦ ♦

Tag || briar cheyenne ames
Words || 731
Clothes || Happy Man
Music || Thunder in the Rain --Kane Brown
Notes || <3

[briar cheyenne ames]

Once upon a time, Briar had been an outgoing girl. She was athletic and popular, bright and powering through life with a promising future. Now she was but a shell of her former self – a cracked shell, she thought whenever she looked in a mirror, trailing thin fingers over the fine scars that tapered down one side of her face. It had been a normal day for her, part of her simple routine, and yet her whole world had been flipped upside down and she had been left plagued with nightmares even when she was awake. Briar wasn’t sure if she could ever build her confidence up to be her old self again. It was hard when every time she looked into the mirror she saw the scars from the kidnapping. If she rubbed her aching neck after an afternoon over her potter’s wheel she felt the puckered skin there. There were times when she would rather feel the cold and bundle under blankets than hear the pipes and plumbing as the radiators heated up. Remembering the way they burnt her, feeling that damaged skin she couldn’t see, it was all too much sometimes.

She couldn’t understand why Artie put up with it sometimes. She needed a lot of space, kept her distance more than she showed him affection. Then there was the other man she insisted on keeping in his home. Matt was her rock. She didn’t leave the house without him by her side and she needed him for more things than she could count. There were times when she overreacted, she knew, but it was the bodyguard who reassured her and calmed her panic attacks before they got completely out of control. Briar never felt it was fair to completely burden Artie when she had a bad day, or bug him about opening a window when the temperature was soaring. She could bite down on that anxiety and distract herself in another room until there was the chance to rush to close and shut it. Briar had always been determined not to push her issues onto someone else. They were her demons and she wouldn’t ruin someone else’s life with the way they controlled hers.

A ghost of a smile managed to beat out the slight flinch that threatened to shake through her when Artie’s lips brushed the top of her head. There were too many times when Briar was caught off guard by people being affectionate towards her, even now. She didn’t know why that happened, but she hated it when it happened and she had to apologise for something she had no control over. “Busy day today?” She asked, doing her best to make conversation without it coming back to herself. Briar could talk easily about anyone but herself and her own problems. She moved the plates to the table and then grabbed a selection of fruit and sauces for them to pick from. Herself, she opted for a tiny bit of cream, and then a generous helping of mixed berries.

• • •

TAGGED! Arthur Cornelius Van Hope IV
WORDS! 508!
OUTFIT! Shy Sweetheart!
LYRICS! Everything to Lose - - Dido
NOTES! <3 <3 <3